Jennifer Love Hewitt Milks Her Breakfast At Tiffany’sBy daveFebruary 22, 2009
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Jennifer Love Hewitt put on her best Holly Golightly for her 30th Birthday, followed by an actual Breakfast at Tiffany’s, which is a great “fantasy” birthday for sure, but has internet gossip folks split. Some are like: “She lookz hot, good look for JLH,” and others are like: “She thinks she’s so f-ing cool dressing up and parading around like this just to get her picture taken and sell herself, when will she grow up?”

I fall in the first category, quietly holding my tongue against pearl necklace jokes, but I’d still strip that dress off her and whisper to her ghosts (read: fornicate).

Jennifer Love Hewitt put on her best Holly Golightly for her 30th Birthday, followed by an actual Breakfast at Tiffany’s, which is a great “fantasy” birthday for sure, but has…

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The Cruises Go To DisneyworldBy daveFebruary 21, 2009
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There’s something creepy about Tom Cruise taking an upskirt shot of his robot daughter at Disneyworld while onlookers, both real and fictional, watch.

Disneyworld Exec: Of course, Mr. Cruise, we can accommodate you.

Tom: Excellent. I want all the characters on a lawn so I can take some pictures, and I want to skip the line for every ride.

Disneyworld Exec: Of course.

Tom: And I want you to pull all the Pinocchio characters. The last thing I need is Suri wanting to be a real boy.

Disneyworld Exec:
Disney has a very strong policy against sexual confusion in youth.

Tom: I was more worried about the “real” part. I have to go power up Katie.

(Tom Cruise teleports)

There’s something creepy about Tom Cruise taking an upskirt shot of his robot daughter at Disneyworld while onlookers, both real and fictional, watch. Disneyworld Exec: Of course, Mr. Cruise, we…

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I Can Haz Euthanasia?By daveFebruary 21, 2009

Attention: Socks the cat has been put to sleep.

Former First Cat Socks, one of the world’s most famous felines, died Friday at the age of 20 after battling throat cancer since November. A stray cat rescued by the Clinton’s daughter, Chelsea, Socks lived in the governor’s mansion in Arkansas and later moved with the family to the White House.

Throat cancer? Was the cat smoking the vag-cigars that were hanging around the White House?

The cat was staying at a family friend’s house and eventually had to be put down and buried, then they put him down again after his surprise resurrection, which had more to do with the whole 9 Lives thing than ZOMBIE CATS! (sadly).

Finally, they clubbed him over the head a few times, cremated him and (more…)

Attention: Socks the cat has been put to sleep. Former First Cat Socks, one of the world’s most famous felines, died Friday at the age of 20 after battling throat…

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Natalie Imbruglia is a LadyBy toddFebruary 20, 2009
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I thought Natalie Imbruglia was dead, but turns out she was at the 2009 Brit Awards this week where she enjoyed wearing see through panties. She didn't win any awards, but I think she takes comfort in knowing that the real winners here are us.

Careful. One of these pictures is doing it's own thing (NSFW):

I thought Natalie Imbruglia was dead, but turns out she was at the 2009 Brit Awards this week where she enjoyed wearing see through panties. She didn't win any awards,…

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Danica Patrick is RightBy toddFebruary 20, 2009

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Although she’s finished no better than 6th in the IRL IndyCar Series, Danica Patrick has tons of endorsements and is one of the most recognizable faces in all of racing. Since Hollywood loves that kind of crap, of course a movie will someday be made about her life. So, who does Danica want to play her on the big screen? (Here’s a hint: Not Jennifer Aniston) US Magazine reports:

“I’ve always said Angelina Jolie would be great because she’s an action star,” Patrick, 26, told a group of Canadian bloggers. “Although I don’t quite look like her,” Patrick goes on. What about Jennifer Aniston? “I don’t think that’d be age appropriate,” she says of the He’s Just Not That Into You star, who just celebrated her 40th birthday. “She’s older than me!”

Danica is 26 and Angelina Jolie is 33, but Angelina could be 50 and it probably still wouldn’t matter. That’s because Angelina Jolie is a billion times better than Jennifer Aniston in every possible way. I really don’t think I can stress that enough. The only way Jennifer Aniston could win at this point is if journalists find out that she was sent to Earth by her scientist father just before her home planet of Krypton was destroyed.

I want to see this movie:

Although she’s finished no better than 6th in the IRL IndyCar Series, Danica Patrick has tons of endorsements and is one of the most recognizable faces in all of racing….

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Links From The OtterazziBy daveFebruary 20, 2009

Cameras are everywhere these days, operated by anyone. Even this otter.

I’m glad Kylie Minogue wears panties. No one would want to see these upskirts otherwise. She looks good and all, but she’s still getting old. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Nooooooooo! Kate Winslet says no more nude scenes. [FatBackMedia]

Olivia Munn wants you to visit her website. We want more pictures. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Maggie Grace can’t dress herself. She’s lost that right. [LaineyGossip]

Nipple slips of the Oscars, in hopes of good slips this year. [CityRag]

Tell Charlie Sheen he will take off that damn hat or I will take it off for him. [I’mNotObsessed]

Cameras are everywhere these days, operated by anyone. Even this otter. I’m glad Kylie Minogue wears panties. No one would want to see these upskirts otherwise. She looks good and…

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Settle Down, GrannyBy toddFebruary 19, 2009

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Pamela Anderson modeled for the Richie Rich show during Fashion Week, and I haven’t see their profit graph yet, but I bet it’s almost reached space by now. It has to be, because nothing makes me want to buy a bedazzled one piece more than a delusional middle-aged chick with Hep C. Jesus, nobody wants to see this. It’s embarrassing. Pamela Anderson used to be one of the hottest POA on earth, now she looks like something the government has under quarantine. If she wants to be in a fashion show so bad, I wish she’d just do it when she comes to life after the museum closes. I think I speak for everyone when I say that would probably be ideal.

Pamela Anderson modeled for the Richie Rich show during Fashion Week, and I haven’t see their profit graph yet, but I bet it’s almost reached space by now. It has…

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Links Leaner Than These Fine HindquartersBy daveFebruary 19, 2009

Billabong Bikini fashion show? Say no more. Except “Site NSFW.” [DrunkenStepfather]

The Solange Knowles nipple-shot that has been making the rounds. Though the nipple is shy. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Jennifer Love Hewitt: on all fours. [HollywoodTuna]

Sienna Miller is waaaasted. About as wasted as I wish I was right now. [LaineyGossip]

Someone tell Lindsay Lohan that there’s a recession on and that she’s poor. [ICYDK]

I don’t want to see Aubrey O’Day‘s O face. But I have, so I just want to put something in that large mouth hole of hers. Like a rock. [I’mNotObsessed]

Fire in Tracey Morgen‘s apartment. A fish fire. No joke. [AP]

No one cares where Brad Pitt is. Why would you? [E!Online]

Billabong Bikini fashion show? Say no more. Except “Site NSFW.” [DrunkenStepfather] The Solange Knowles nipple-shot that has been making the rounds. Though the nipple is shy. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie] Jennifer…

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Lindsay Lohan is Living The DreamBy toddFebruary 18, 2009

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This may come as a shock, but Lindsay Lohan is a complete mess again. She’s dropping weight like a plane low on fuel and in the past few weeks, her behavior has become increasingly erratic. Her only income is reportedly from her legging line and the money she gets as one half of the D.J./hosting couple she forms with Samantha Ronson. Oh, wait, it gets worse. Yay! Fox News reports:

We’re told hard-partying Lindsay is pretty much surviving off Red Bull, coffee and cigarettes, is hardly sleeping and making strange phone-calls at odd hours of the night. All that combined with the stress of her rocky relationship with Ronson is clearly taking its toll in a dangerous way…….”Looking at photos of Lindsay just over last month, there is obviously not only an obvious loss of weight but also a loss of muscle mass. A lack of muscle could lead to rapid weight gains in the long-term and a vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting,” commented Fred DeVito, Nutrition/Fitness Expert and Founder of Exhale Spa’s Core Fusion….spies also spotted a super-distressed Miss Lohan in the lobby of NYC’s Bowery Hotel in the wee hours of Sunday morning, the night after she was engaged in yet another screaming match with Ronson. The hysterically sobbing actress had her platform shoes in her hand as she blindly ran outside into the cold. We’re told Linds seemed so messy and upset that a few concerned guests followed her out for fear she could “do something stupid” but were caught in the paparazzi crush on the street…“Lindsay is in a really bad place and refuses to believe anything is wrong,” said our source, adding that one of the reasons she and Sam are still together is that Ronson has in the past reportedly threatened to write a tell-all book if they break-up. Friends and family have reportedly been putting pressure on Lohan to have her lover sign a confidentiality agreement as a true testament to her honesty.

But at least she’s still hot and has really big tits and can get any guy she wants, right? Um, no. US Magazine

“Lindsay heard that Chace and Emile Hirsch were hanging out at [Justin Timberlake’s restaurant] Southern Hospitality for drinks,” explains the pal about events earlier in the evening. “But she showed up uninvited and unannounced. She caused quite a scene so Chace left to go back to his place for some more fun.” Ouch! And as for the Herbie Fully Loaded star’s surprise 6 a.m. appearance at Chace’s apartment building? “Lindsay showed up uninvited to Chace’s apartment and was not allowed in,” the source reveals, adding that LiLo instead headed to the airport to fly home to Sam. Double ouch!

Yikes. Lindsay’s agent might as well quit now because the next call this basket case is gonna get is her time of death. God, she’s a mess. Lindsay just needs to step back, regroup and do things that showcase her actual talents. Maybe she can enter a smoking contest. Or star in an airtighting instructional video. There’s a big market out there for videos like that. I mean, I’ll tell you just like I told that waitress I took home from Outback and her parent’s lawyers. If you don’t want to get rich, honey, hey, that’s cool.

Lindsay in New York on Monday. Ooh la la:

Photo credit: Splash

This may come as a shock, but Lindsay Lohan is a complete mess again. She’s dropping weight like a plane low on fuel and in the past few weeks, her…

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