Miley Cyrus Is A MurdererBy toddNovember 22, 2009

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Miley Cyrus’ tour was scheduled to stop in Greensboro, NC tonight, and apparently NC heard about this so it caused her bus to crash, killing the driver and injuring nine others. National Enquirer reports:

Virginia State Police confirm one person was killed when a tour bus belonging to Miley Cyrus overturned. The 16-year-old Hannah Montana star was not on board. Sgt. Thomas Molnar says the bus overturned around 8:15 a.m. Friday on Interstate 85 in Dinwiddie, about 40 miles south of Richmond. The bus driver was killed and nine others were injured. Miley was in the fourth bus in the caravan . Members of her lighting crew are believed to have been on the deadly bus. The pop princess was scheduled to perform Sunday in Greensboro, NC according to Miley’s web site.

I really hope the Cyrus family loads a PODS full of gold and precious jewels to deliver to this guy’s family, because I can imagine an obituary that reads “tour bus driver for Miley Cyrus” isn’t it’s own reward.

Reporter Wayne Convil is being told:

NOTE: Hi everyone, I appreciate the emails and comments, but I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this or not, but this site is intended to be sarcastic. This includes the headlines. I’m not sure why I have to even point that fact out, but if I believed half the crap I wrote on here I clearly would be insane, so when you visit this site, take it for what it is. Some idiot who can’t spell writing about celebrities. And sometimes about your mom. If you see her on Thanksgiving, do me a favor and let her know that me having an unlimited data plan doesn’t mean she can send me picture texts every time she ruins a pair of panties. It was cute the first few times, but I have to be honest, it’s getting a little annoying. Have you considered buying her a puppy?

Miley Cyrus’ tour was scheduled to stop in Greensboro, NC tonight, and apparently NC heard about this so it caused her bus to crash, killing the driver and injuring nine…

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Robert Pattinson Is CruelBy toddNovember 19, 2009

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Stephanie Meyer and Anne Rice have turned vampires into total hair product gaywads who prefer to cry and talk about their feelings than fuck people up, so it’s no surprise that Robert Pattinson went on Ellen to promote the movie about said gaywads. But I guess he has an interesting story. Whatever. Us Magazine reports:

…Pattinson, 23, tells Ellen DeGeneres about the woman who recently undressed for him in public during a marathon autograph-signing session. The New Moon star was burnt out after signing 500 signatures. “You kind of get ten seconds with each person and you never really say anything . . . I kind of got bored,” he explains. When one female fan asked Pattinson “how can I get your attention?” Pattinson had a novel suggestion. “I was like, um, just take your clothes off.” The fan obliged. “She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security,” Pattinson says. “I never felt more terrible . . . I sound like I’m actually just abusing my position.”

I hate to brag, but I get girls to strip for me all the time. Especially on payday. This one girl really likes me and the bouncer said she thinks I’m really cute. It’s been three years and pretty soon I think she’s gonna tell me her real name!! I think she’s falling in love with me!! Suck on that Robert!!

Stephanie Meyer and Anne Rice have turned vampires into total hair product gaywads who prefer to cry and talk about their feelings than fuck people up, so it’s no surprise…

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Masturbating For JesusBy toddNovember 18, 2009

Unless you're spaceship just landed or you just got released from and underground bunker to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you know that former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, admitted to playing with herself for her boyfriend on camera. So, through the magic of the Internet, somebody has posted stills from the tape claiming it's her. I can't tell, it sorta looks like her, but I've been wrong before. Turns out that girl last night was actually your sister. In my defense, the top of her head wasn't that recognizable.

Unless you're spaceship just landed or you just got released from and underground bunker to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you know that former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, admitted to playing…

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Carmen Electra Might Have A Sex TapeBy toddNovember 18, 2009

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I’ve wanted to go spelunking in between Carmen Electra’s legs like Batman since 1995, so this video that showed up online yesterday of her getting it on with some chick is what one might call “good news”. If I walked in on this, I really hope she would have renter’s insurance because I’m pretty sure my fucking head would explode.

I’ve wanted to go spelunking in between Carmen Electra’s legs like Batman since 1995, so this video that showed up online yesterday of her getting it on with some chick…

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PETA Did Something RightBy toddNovember 18, 2009
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For all intents and purposes, PETA is a terrorist organization and a death cult who kill more animals than 1,000 people who wear fur, so if you really want me to get behind your cause, you're really gonna have to do a lot better than Kong, a 40-chick with Hep C, and a vagina that looks like Stargate.So thank God somebody over there took time out from throwing frozen kittens in dumpsters and called Keeley Hazell to be in their ads. Specifically, Keeley Hazell's legendary tits. The only way her tits could be more perfect is if they granted wishes.

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Note: Yes, the guy in the video from NC said "We don't take too kindly to that around here." That's just how we roll, baby.

For all intents and purposes, PETA is a terrorist organization and a death cult who kill more animals than 1,000 people who wear fur, so if you really want me…

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Sir GaGa Was On Gossip GirlBy toddNovember 17, 2009

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Apparently I can talk about everybody except gays and Jews on here before people start getting all butt hurt, so that pretty much ruins what I was going to say about homeboy’s appearance on Gossip Girl last night. It looks like a commercial for a dating hotline that connects you with single transvestites in your area. Seriously, does any dude think this thing is hot? If so, look at the pictures and tell me again? Because if looking at that makes you want to have sex, maybe you should see if your hairdresser Leon has any single friends he might be able to put you in contact with you fucking homo.

Apparently I can talk about everybody except gays and Jews on here before people start getting all butt hurt, so that pretty much ruins what I was going to say…

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