Chris Brown Isn’t Going To JailBy toddJune 23, 2009

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Although he did this to Rihanna because she dared to ask him about a woman he was texting, Chris Brown was sentenced to 180 days of community service in his home state of Virginia where he will, as punishment, be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks. Pardon me while I go punch a hole in the wall. TMZ reports:

He gets 5 years probation for FELONY assault — he pled guilty. He’ll get supervised probation. He’ll have to come back to court every three months. He must enroll in a domestic violence counseling program. This is interesting … the judge said if Brown and Rihanna are at the same public events, the 50-yard stay away turns into 10 yards. The stay away order lasts 5 years. The judge said she wanted to make sure that Chris Brown “was treated as any other person who comes through this court.” If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison. Rihanna is in the courthouse but never entered the courtroom. So Brown is now a convicted felon and loses the following rights: To own a gun, to sit on a jury, subject to search and seizure without a search warrant and he now has limitations on travel. When Brown left the courtroom … Rihanna walked in the courtroom. The judge explained the deal to her. The judge is telling Rihanna about the protective order.

Wow. Thanks again California judicial system. I’m sure a woman beater will learn his lesson by doing chores I did when I was 10. Man, it’s a good thing he didn’t kill her then you’d really have to punish him to the fullest extent of California law. Like sentencing him to watch a scary movie or going to bed without ice cream. That’ll teach him!!

Although he did this to Rihanna because she dared to ask him about a woman he was texting, Chris Brown was sentenced to 180 days of community service in his…

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Lindsay Lohan is PersistentBy toddJune 22, 2009

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Desperation: Party of One. TMZ reports:

It took a little convincing, some banging and a few four-letter words — but Lindsay Lohan finally talked her way into Samantha Ronson’s apartment Friday night. As we first told you, Ryan Seacrest is trying to get Lilo to do a reality show with him about second chances. Our math might be off, but by letting Sam in her apartment, she gave Lindsay chance #3,217.

I swear, Lindsay must lick it like a Tootsie Roll Pop, because there’s really no way to explain this. I’d have an easier time taking back AIDS than I would taking back Lindsay Lohan.

Desperation: Party of One. TMZ reports: It took a little convincing, some banging and a few four-letter words — but Lindsay Lohan finally talked her way into Samantha Ronson’s apartment…

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Links Cute Like a Baby OrangutanBy toddJune 22, 2009

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For reasons sentimental to my black heart, here’s a video of a baby orangutan swinging from ropes at a zoo. If you don’t think this is adorably cute, shoot yourself. The world would probably be better off. Thanks!

More Leighton Meester sex tape pictures. With 100% more boring. [Egotastic]

Spoiler alert. Don’t be a douchebag. [College Humor]

Lily Allen topless. On a boat. Gross. [Taxidriver Movie]

Britney’s top crotch shots. [City Rag]

Obligatory Megan Fox [Popoholic]

Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker have girly fights. [Celebitchy]

Nickelback still wins awards. How? Why? Dear God…somebody tell me!! [Post Chronicle]

Tennis star or pornstar? [Coed Magazine]

Prove your undying love and become a fan of us on Facebook. Don’t fight it! [Facebook]

Follow us on Twitter and I’ll promise to tweet you like you like it, baby. [Twitter]

For reasons sentimental to my black heart, here’s a video of a baby orangutan swinging from ropes at a zoo. If you don’t think this is adorably cute, shoot yourself….

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Madonna Has Her New African BabyBy toddJune 22, 2009

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The Malawian government and adoption officials put up a good fight, but apparently Africa is still selling folks to rich white people. My great-grandfather would be so pissed right now. AP reports:

Madonna’s new daughter has flown out of her native Malawi on a private jet headed for London, an airport employee and a person familiar with Madonna’s adoption proceedings in this southern African country said Saturday. The airport employee, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the matter, said 3-year-old Chifundo “Mercy” James left late Friday headed to London, with a stop in neighboring South Africa. The girl, the second child Madonna has adopted from Malawi, was reportedly accompanied on the flight by a nanny, a child nurse and a third aide.

It’s awesome that Madonna would wait almost a year to adopt this baby, then be so overcome with joy that she’d be on the runway crying like at the end of The Color Purple. Oh, wait. Nevermind. She didn’t. Way to be there, Madonna. You might as well just had the baby shipped by UPS or loaded on the plane in a puppy crate.

The Malawian government and adoption officials put up a good fight, but apparently Africa is still selling folks to rich white people. My great-grandfather would be so pissed right now….

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