Taylor Swift Can’t Help HerselfBy toddMay 24, 2017
Taylor Swift Can’t Help Herself

 

Earlier this month, we learned that Taylor Swift has been secretly dating Joe Alwyn. Joe Alwyn is a 26-year old British actor who still lives with his parents. Joe sounds like a millennial icon Stop me if you’ve heard this before:

A source said: “Taylor and Joe are the real deal, this is a very serious relationship.”

Apparently we know this because The Sun “leaked” it.  We also know that the only person who has ever managed to pull off leaking something on Taylor Swift without an instructional Power Point presentation from her PR and legal team is Kim Kardashian. After this news “leaked”, this was the followup:

We’re told she’s obviously a little “bummed” that the news of her relationship got out. However, the insider said, “At the same time, she is really excited about being with Joe and is hoping she can relax a little bit more now and just enjoy being with him.”

lol k. Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston broke up in September. Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn started dating in October. Taylor couldn’t wait to get this shit out. She would have posted a pic on Instagram of Joe putting costume on her cat last Halloween if she could have. She had to stab herself in the thigh with her keys every time they wore matching outfits and she opened her front camera or this narrative would’ve been destroyed.

“Taylor has been insanely private about her relationship with Joe,” a source tells PEOPLE exclusively about the couple, who have been dating for several months. “She wanted to get to know him without any chaos. She has learned from the past.” Jetting in under the radar and reportedly renting a house in North London, Swift is determined to keep her relationship out of the spotlight — and so is Alwyn.

Yet here we all are reading about it. And the whole “- and so is Alwyn” is super cute like he has any fucking say in this at all. Her PR team probably put a black hood on him, threw him in a van, and has doing red carpet prep right now.  We all know how this is gonna end. Joe isn’t gonna text back one day within the timeframe stipulated in his signed agreement and Taylor will break up with him (and we’ll know about it the next day via her PR team), then 6 months later she’ll have a new album called, Songs With Thinly Veiled References to Joe Alwyn, since she has to go through men like tampons and still play the victim. Pretty sure this is some sort of preexisting condition.

 

  Earlier this month, we learned that Taylor Swift has been secretly dating Joe Alwyn. Joe Alwyn is a 26-year old British actor who still lives with his parents. Joe…

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Levi Johnston Won His Seven Year Custody Battle Against Bristol PalinBy toddFebruary 24, 2016
 

A photo posted by Bristol Palin (@bsmp2) on



When Christians preach family values and abstinence, it’s always because a child needs two parents in order to not become like a kid in Chicago or a refugee. Unless those two parents are gay then ewww not what they meant. But since human nature and archaic belief systems are no match for wanting to hit that pussy from behind raw af, abstinence doesn’t work. And when it doesn’t work, there’s more money in keeping the father from seeing his child and quoting Bible verses that question his manhood if the check doesn’t arrive on time. Man, religion has this thing on lock. That brings us to Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin’s first baby daddy whose semen somehow fertilized her egg despite fervent prayer. Let’s flashback, shall we?

In 2009, Levi announced that he was going to sue his high school sweetheart for joint custody of Tripp after alleging that the entire Palin family was making it difficult for him to see his son. The exes reached a child custody stipulation in 2010, allowing Levi to see Tripp on Saturdays between 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m., and Wednesdays from 12:00 p.m. to 6 p.m. The court never approved Levi and Bristol’s agreement, however, so it never became finalized. The case was dismissed in 2012 for lack of activity. Then, in 2013, Levi filed a petition in which he sought at least equal custody of Tripp.

Keep in mind Levi Johnston, a teenager,  paid $600 a month to Bristol Palin in order to his son 13 hours a week. I pay less than that for cable and I can see SportsCenter anytime I want. Now, after a 7-year legal battle against Bristol Palin (seen here capitalizing on her new child with vertical revenue stream) and her self-serving family, he had some news to share on Facebook yesterday.

I’m so happy to have my son in my life, and to put all of this back in forth in the courts behind me. It might have taken me 7 years and cost me around $100,000 in lawyer fees, spread out among 3 different lawyers, as well as a lot of patience, but it was all worth it. I’m happy now to be successfully co-parenting. Although I do owe some back child support, altogether I have paid $50,000 in child support for Tripp, which is $600 a month, since Tripp’s birth so at the end of the day I know I have worked hard to meet my obligations as a father. Despite what some have heard I’ve always been there for him, and I go to almost every school event that I can and spend all of my free time with my kids.

Much like Jesus would do, the Palins used Johnston as a prop in 2008 then proceeded to make his life a living hell when all he wanted to do was see his son. They’re currently doing the same thing to Bristol Palin’s second baby daddy even though all of this could have been avoided if they showed Bristol a video about how to properly apply a condom. But contraceptives are the Devil’s business. He roams the Earth like a roaring seeking to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Hopefully Bristol’s fifth baby daddy will have more disposable income so he can afford a better lawyer. 


Speaking of “wanting to hit that pussy from behind raw af”, here’s Demi Rose. Tell Liz Cameron I’ll be ready for her in like 20 minutes give or take. 


  A photo posted by Bristol Palin (@bsmp2) on Sep 10, 2015 at 9:12am PDT When Christians preach family values and abstinence, it’s always because a child needs two parents…

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Adam Levine Wants To Bang His Wife Covered In BloodBy toddSeptember 30, 2014

 

I really have no idea what’s happening in Maroon 5‘s video for “Animals”, but here’s Adam Levine really having to earn his red wings with his wife Behati Prinsloo.

  I really have no idea what’s happening in Maroon 5‘s video for “Animals”, but here’s Adam Levine really having to earn his red wings with his wife Behati Prinsloo.

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Julianne Hough Is At The Gym. Again.By toddAugust 22, 2013

We should really check Julianne Hough's birth certificate now, because what kind of American goes to the gym everyday? Is there a Sonic inside? I don't get it. Not that it matters because whenever she leaves the gym now she's surrounded by paparazzi who have been given a single mandate: DAT ASS. I bet if you licked it you'd be able to tell the future or pick up Thor's hammer.

We should really check Julianne Hough's birth certificate now, because what kind of American goes to the gym everyday? Is there a Sonic inside? I don't get it. Not that…

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Wentworth Miller Is GayBy toddAugust 22, 2013

 

If you heard that loud noise yesterday, don't panic. It was just the sound of millions of vaginas screaming out then falling silent because Wentworth Miller announced he was gay. And in fabuous gay fashion, he came out in the most dramatic way possible by saying "GURL BYE" to the St. Petersburg International Film Festival because they hate gays in Russia more than Fox News hates poor people. GLAAD has the letter:

August 21, 2013

 

Re: St. Petersburg International Film Festival / "Guest of Honor" Invitation

 

Dear Ms. Averbakh:

 

Thank you for your kind invitation. As someone who has enjoyed visiting Russia in the past and can also claim a degree of Russian ancestry, it would make me happy to say yes.

 

However, as a gay man, I must decline.

 

I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly.

 

Perhaps, when and if circumstances improve, I'll be free to make a different choice.

 

Until then.

 

Wentworth Miller

 

I mean, we kinda already knew this, right? We've all seen the dude. He's prettier than my last girlfriend. And she was pretty hot. Hopefully by the time my penis is too tired to care if I see a hot chick or not people coming out as gay won't be such a big deal so we can leave the ridicule for people who come out as vegan or post shit about CrossFit. Anyway, I really have nothing to say about this dude except that his creepy ass script for Stoker convinced Park Chan-wook to do his first English language film, so I wish him nothing but happiness in his gayness. According to my mom, "You know his boyfriend is happy. Damn."

  If you heard that loud noise yesterday, don't panic. It was just the sound of millions of vaginas screaming out then falling silent because Wentworth Miller announced he was…
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Jennifer Love Hewitt Looks Like This Now, LinksBy toddAugust 22, 2013

Hey, Here's Anna Kendrick's Boobs [Fishwrapper]

Chloe Sims Wet See Through Top (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Hey, Isn’t That The Hotel Owner Lindsay Lohan Blows To Get Into Parties? Why, Yes, It Is [The Superficial]

Anne Hathaway Goes On A Bootylicious Hike [Popoholic]

Rosie Jones In Super Sexy Daisy Dukes [Hollywood Tuna]

The Classiest Wedding You've Ever Seen [Dlisted]

Jennifer Aniston in her bikini (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]

Charlie Hunnam is now the latest to play Christian Grey [Lainey Gossip]

Brad Pitt was almost a Scientologist, he ‘was targeted for his influence’ [Celebitchy]

Gisele Bundchen Hits The Gym [Moe Jackson]

Squirrels has a creepy poster [Film Drunk]

Lindsay Lohan is actually acting professionally . . . for now [Celebslam]

Hayden Panettiere Likes to Lick Things [COED Magazine]

Police are Looking Into Lisa Robin Kelly’s Death [The Blemish]

Brandy Sings For 40 People In 90,000 Person Stadium [Evil Beet Gossip]

Guardians of the Galaxy Trailer Will Not Be Released Online [Crave Online]

Lindsay Lohan launches LindsayLohan.com [Popbytes]

Get Revenge  [MyEx]

Hey, Here's Anna Kendrick's Boobs [Fishwrapper] Chloe Sims Wet See Through Top (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie] Hey, Isn’t That The Hotel Owner Lindsay Lohan Blows To Get Into Parties?…

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Bradley Manning: ‘I Am Chelsea Manning. I Am Female.’By toddAugust 22, 2013
Bradley Manning: ‘I Am Chelsea Manning. I Am Female.’

 

"Have you seen Orange Is The New Black? Dumb question, probably not. But let's try that."  – Bradley Manning's lawyers

 

Depending on who you ask, Bradley Manning is either an insidious traitor or a true patriot and hero who, at worst, proved honesty isn't always the best policy. But those people are talking about someone who doesn't exist, because his real name is Chelsea now. Yes, this just happned. He, wait, she said in an exclusive statement to Today:

Subject: The Next Stage of My Life

I want to thank everybody who has supported me over the last three years. Throughout this long ordeal, your letters of support and encouragement have helped keep me strong. I am forever indebted to those who wrote to me, made a donation to my defense fund, or came to watch a portion of the trial. I would especially like to thank Courage to Resist and the Bradley Manning Support Network for their tireless efforts in raising awareness for my case and providing for my legal representation. As I transition into this next phase of my life, I want everyone to know the real me. I am Chelsea Manning. I am a female. Given the way that I feel, and have felt since childhood, I want to begin hormone therapy as soon as possible. I hope that you will support me in this transition. I also request that, starting today, you refer to me by my new name and use the feminine pronoun (except in official mail to the confinement facility). I look forward to receiving letters from supporters and having the opportunity to write back.

 

Thank you,

 

Chelsea E. Manning

I mean, he just got sentenced to 35 years, so I guess he's being pragmatic by preemptively becoming a woman. It's hard to say if this is a ploy so he can get sent to a women's prison so he can run the salon, but if he truly is a woman like he says he is, why would he want all that competition from all those basic bitches? You know they be spreading lies about you, gurlfran.

  "Have you seen Orange Is The New Black? Dumb question, probably not. But let's try that."  – Bradley Manning's lawyers   Depending on who you ask, Bradley Manning is…
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Farrah Abraham Got New ImplantsBy toddAugust 21, 2013

Seen here looking like something a Saudi prince would win at a card game then give to his chauffeur, here's Farrah Abraham with her new, painful looking implants in Vegas for the Gentleman's Club Expo Kick Off Party. Whatever the hell that is. Quality choice. Because when I think "gentleman", I think single mom who does ATM on camera so she can get bigger appearance fees.

Seen here looking like something a Saudi prince would win at a card game then give to his chauffeur, here's Farrah Abraham with her new, painful looking implants in Vegas…

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Winnie Cooper Is Dead To MeBy toddAugust 21, 2013

 

When Ted Cruz becomes Prime Minister of Canada after he explains why his dad was a Communist, I think his first official act should be to ban Avril Lavigne and Nickelback to a prison island where they can be hunted for sport. And Avril should get more of a headstart when the cyborg werewolves are released because she managed to get Danica McKellar to dress slutty and pretend to be a lesbian in Avril's video for "Rock and Roll". Even though she knows nothing about rock and roll, Avril does know how to get me to watch one of her videos. Please have leniency, PM Cruz.

  When Ted Cruz becomes Prime Minister of Canada after he explains why his dad was a Communist, I think his first official act should be to ban Avril Lavigne…

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Kim Kardashian Is PregnantBy toddDecember 31, 2012



Kim let Kanye finish 12 weeks ago. TMZ reports:

Kim Kardashian’s got a little Kanye in her — as in she’s pregnant with Kanye West’s baby … according to the rapper himself. Yeezy dropped the baby bombshell on stage Sunday night in Atlantic City by simply asking the crowd, “Can we make some noise for my baby mama right quick?” Our Kardashian sources confirm Kim is 12 weeks pregnant, and apparently several members of the K clan have been sitting on the secret. Shortly after Kanye’s announcement … Khloe Kardashian tweeted, “Keeping secrets is hard with so many family members! Especially when you are so freaking excited!!!” Kourtney also tweeted, “Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can.”

So, the chick who launched her family into fame and fortune by getting cum in the mouth, is now helping her family’s record-low ratings by getting cum shot in her vagina. How exciting! And a special congratulations to Kris Humphries for being a new stepfather. Although, hopefully he won’t have to live with the embarrassment long when Kim drops the baby off in front of a fire department after 72 days.

Kim let Kanye finish 12 weeks ago. TMZ reports: Kim Kardashian’s got a little Kanye in her — as in she’s pregnant with Kanye West’s baby … according to the…

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