Rosie Huntington Will Replace Megan FoxBy toddMay 25, 2010

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Yeah, what the title said. Sun reports:

MOVE over MEGAN, there’s a new FOX in town. Jaw-droppingly gorgeous ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY will take over as the leading lady in upcoming blockbuster Transformers 3. The British Victoria’s Secret model, 23, has been offered the role in the sequel – after Megan sensationally quit the franchise last week. Director MICHAEL BAY reportedly came to blows with the actress over her plummeting weight. Her slender physique sparked concern and “unhealthy” Megan was ordered to put on weight, sources claimed. Rosie – who has notched up the bedpost with OLIVIER MARTINEZ and JASON STATHAM – has NO acting credentials to date.

They should have really replaced Megan Fox with an actual script, but whatever. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley will be a hot chick replacing a hot chick. Problem solved. I just want to point out that Jason Statham has banged Rosie Huntington and Kelly Brook. So let me be first to say fuck you, Jason Statham.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley:

What is the color of love? What do you see? Is it warm? Is it tender, when you think of me?:

Yeah, what the title said. Sun reports: MOVE over MEGAN, there’s a new FOX in town. Jaw-droppingly gorgeous ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY will take over as the leading lady in upcoming blockbuster…

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Surprise. No Movie In Texas ExistsBy toddMay 25, 2010

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Yesterday during Lindsay Lohan’s hearing, her lawyer adamantly tried to persuade the judge that a SCRAM bracelet would greatly hinder Lindsay’s ability to film her upcoming movie in Texas. But just like with every other one of Lindsay’s lies, all it takes is some of your anytime minutes and an operator to connect you to the truth.

TMZ has contacted the producers of the only two motion picture projects Lindsay is currently attached to — “Machete” and “Inferno” — and they both made it very clear that LiLo has no business in Texas. A rep for “Machete” tells us there ARE additional scenes being shot in Texas but, “according to the director, they don’t include [Lindsay].” As for “Inferno,” a rep tells us, “The Linda Lovelace biopic doesn’t plan on starting shooting ’till the beginning of August.” Also, it’s not being shot in Texas — so the SCRAM bracelet would have no affect on that film either. Lindsay’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, relayed Lohan’s excuse to Judge Marsha Revel on Monday — but the judge didn’t buy it anyway … and forced her to SCRAM it up.

I think this judge will regret making Lindsay wear this SCRAM bracelet. Especially when Hammer Industries’ drones attack L.A. Lindsay’s lawyer should argue that Lindsay is being poisoned by the palladium core in her arc reactor and vodka and semen help synthesize her blood. She should try it. What could go wrong?

Yesterday during Lindsay Lohan’s hearing, her lawyer adamantly tried to persuade the judge that a SCRAM bracelet would greatly hinder Lindsay’s ability to film her upcoming movie in Texas. But…

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Joe Jonas Is All ManBy toddMay 25, 2010

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The Jonas Brothers are prancing gaywads in skinny jeans and Captain’s hats who wear purity rings and have flat-ironed Jew fros. I realize that sounds bad, but not as bad as what happens when one of their girlfriends tries to show them her vagina.

After just a few months of dating, Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato have called it quits, a source confirms to UsMagazine.com. Adding insult to injury: Jonas dumped Lovato over the phone. “He didn’t have the heart to do it in person,” the source explains. And it’s not the first time Jonas has ended things that way: back in November 2008, his ex Taylor Swift admitted he dumped her during a “27 second” phone call a month before. Lovato, 17, met Jonas, 20, in 2007 on the set of Disney channel series Camp Rock. The pair finally acknowledged their romance in a March radio interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush. Just last week, Lovato gushed to Us that Jonas was “my first serious relationship…He knows me better than I know myself, and I know him better than he knows himself.”

Apparently his dad made the call and not Joe himself, so I’m not really sure how many more levels of pussy this makes him. I really don’t know why they broke up, and I don’t really care, but just look at that banner picture. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but he looks like if he had tits near his mouth he would run away like a five-year old girl being chased by a bee.

Sonny With A Chance of legal anal in about a year:

The Jonas Brothers are prancing gaywads in skinny jeans and Captain’s hats who wear purity rings and have flat-ironed Jew fros. I realize that sounds bad, but not as bad…

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Sara Jean LinksBy toddMay 24, 2010

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Kirsten Dunst in a bikini [Popoholic]
Ginger Spice upskirt [TaxiDriver Movie]
Bodypaint Bonanza [COED Magazine]
Kate Gosselin got $500K for dancing like she hit a downed power line [Popeater]
Kate Beckinsale‘s ass crack [Celebslam]
Rihanna is in leather [Cityrag]
Manly ad agency [College Humor]
Jesse James “wanted to get caught”. Yeah, okay. [Cele|bitchy]
Seren Gibson is topless [Egotastic]
The girl who just changed my life [The Chive]
Kelly Kelly has a nice ass [Heyman Hustle]

Kirsten Dunst in a bikini [Popoholic] Ginger Spice upskirt [TaxiDriver Movie] Bodypaint Bonanza [COED Magazine] Kate Gosselin got $500K for dancing like she hit a downed power line [Popeater] Kate…

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Dina Lohan Is A Wonderful MotherBy toddMay 24, 2010

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In an interview with Radar Online, Dina Lohan basically admits to telling Lindsay to stay in France to avoid the consequences of her actions even though Lindsay had a new passport and could have left last week.


On why Lindsay didn’t come back to the U.S. immediately:

“We did what we had to do to protect her,” Dina said. It’s a statement that may not be looked at favorably by the judge and prosecutor handling Lindsay’s probation violation case. “We did that for court purposes and the warrant purposes. To clear all that up before she hits American soil, which we have done, so she is now able to come.” “There was no music to face. We were dealing with issues to get her back safely — without an arrest and vacate the warrant. And that takes time, that doesn’t happen overnight. There are a lot of phone calls, a lot of people involved and a lot of decisions being made. So we did what we had to do to protect her.”We were dealing with the attorneys. We have a criminal attorney that pretty much tells us which direction to go.” “I left court, I spoke with Lindsay and told her that I would be making arrangements for bail to be posted so that she would not be arrested upon return to Los Angeles.”

Her thoughts on the evil Judge Marsha Revel who is targeting poor, pitiful Lindsay:

Dina that Judge Marsha Revel postponed her vacation to oversee the case Monday morning instead of letting a replacement judge handle it. Dina says the media circus “put the judge under spotlight and she has to be very cautious and the world is watching her, so she has to be obviously fair. But my attorney said she wasn’t quite fair and didn’t want to hear anything about her stolen passport.” “The judge is making an example out of her because of her celebrity status, which I don’t think is fair.”


On the possibility of Lindsay going to rehab:

“We’re going to weigh all the facts and see what would be the best outcome for Lindsay. Until I know what they’re (the court) offering, I can’t make that judgment call.”

Seriously. At this point, Lindsay would be better off being raised by a pack of wolves or Leatherface.

In an interview with Radar Online, Dina Lohan basically admits to telling Lindsay to stay in France to avoid the consequences of her actions even though Lindsay had a new…

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Mommy?By toddMay 24, 2010

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Salma Hayek brought her legendary rack to Cannes and I’ve wanted to fuck her for so long, she could be fused to airplane wreckage and I’d still look for a pulse and a condom.

Note: There was nothing as close to absolute perfection than Salma here. If every woman on Earth woke up one day and looked like this, men’s new hobbies would be putting the toilet seat down, drawing rose-petaled baths, hearing about your day, and buying you flowers and performing oral sex to say thank you making him watch P.S. I Love You.

Salma Hayek brought her legendary rack to Cannes and I’ve wanted to fuck her for so long, she could be fused to airplane wreckage and I’d still look for a…

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Jennifer Aniston Looks GoodBy toddMay 24, 2010

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This is the second time in a week that I have said Jennifer Aniston was hot, so either my black heart is melting or I’ll be yelling at kids for tearing off the label on my TV Guide soon. Or I’l be buying robot insurance. It’s so hard nowadays with all the gangs, rap music, and robots. Old Glory Insurance covers anyone over the age of 50 against robot attacks regardless of current health. As a senior citizen you’re probably aware of the threat robots pose. Robots are everywhere and the eat old people’s medicine for fuel. You need to feel safe. And that’s harder and harder to do because robots may attack at anytime. And when they grab you with their claws, you can’t break free, because they are made of metal and robots are strong.

This is the second time in a week that I have said Jennifer Aniston was hot, so either my black heart is melting or I’ll be yelling at kids for…

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Simon Mojack Is DeadBy toddMay 24, 2010

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UPDATE: OMG, you’re not gonna believe this! It was drugs!

Five months after his 32-year old wife, actress Brittany Murphy, died of community acquired pneumonia,” iron deficiency anemia, and multiple drug intoxication, Simon Monjack was found dead last night in the same house.
New York Daily News reports:

The Los Angeles County coroner’s office confirmed early Monday morning that the 39-year-old screenwriter died shortly after emergency services received a 911 call at 9:24 p.m. PT Sunday night. “We have detectives at scene,” Sgt. Louie Lozano told the Los Angeles Times. “They are conducting their investigation. Once we have further information, we will provide it.”Monjack was pronounced dead by emergency personnel. Although the exact cause of death is still unknown, police said it appears to be natural causes. Back in December, Monjack’s wife died of pneumonia complicated by an iron deficiency, anemia and multiple drug intoxication. The two had been married since 2007.

It would be romantic to say he died of a broken heart, but since a broken heart doesn’t come in prescription form, I’m gonna say drugs. Lots of drugs. In related news, if you’re in the market for a new house, I’d probably skip over this one on the tour. Apparently it makes people in their 30’s ghosts. You’d have a better time living in a house that was built on top of an Indian burial ground.

UPDATE: OMG, you’re not gonna believe this! It was drugs! Five months after his 32-year old wife, actress Brittany Murphy, died of community acquired pneumonia,” iron deficiency anemia, and multiple…

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I Think I’m In LoveBy toddMay 21, 2010

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Apparently Sophie Turner’s job is to wear tight clothes and stick her ass in the camera, and if she ever gets laid off, she should let me know. I’m hiring. Also, if one of you could meet me at her house with an oxygen tank and some icy hot, I would appreciate it. She’ll be the one bent over the couch. I’ll be the one grabbing the front of her thighs. Any help would be appreciated.

Apparently Sophie Turner’s job is to wear tight clothes and stick her ass in the camera, and if she ever gets laid off, she should let me know. I’m hiring….

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