Heidi Montag Is A Brilliant ActressBy toddMay 27, 2010

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Not only does Heidi Montag suffer from body dysmorphia, she also appears to have been dropped on her head as a kid. Monsters and Critics reports:

The Hills star posted a 30-second video clip of herself shooting targets at a gun range, with the help of an American Defence Enterprises instructor, on what she believes was director Michael Bay’s Twitter page. Before launching into action-hero mode, Montag turns to the camera and says, “This is for you, Michael Bay”, before moving around the target range and firing at will. But it is not known whether the reality star sent her audition to the real Michael Bay or someone else with the same name. The person who received Montag’s message – known as “the fake Michael Bay” – posted a bizarre reply: “Thanks sweetheart, but how are you with Turtle wax on Ferrari paint?”

I have no idea what being at a shooting range has to do with her tits, but maybe she should take a walk on the beach or skip rocks across a lake and think about it. The only way she could make a good audition tape is if she was on a tarp and Guy #12 was jacking off because Guy #11 was taking too long.

Note: Not gonna lie, this pic kinda turns me on. I live in the South. What do you want from me?

Not only does Heidi Montag suffer from body dysmorphia, she also appears to have been dropped on her head as a kid. Monsters and Critics reports: The Hills star posted…

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I’m Into Having Chemo, I Ain’t In To Makin LoveBy toddMay 27, 2010

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De Niro did it with a four-month binge eating trip around Italy and France for Raging Bull, Christian Bale did it by only eating one apple and a can of tuna a day for The Machinist, now legendary actor 50 Cent has fucked with his weight for a new movie.

50 Cent lost a lot of weight for his upcoming movie “Things Fall Apart”. In the movie 50 Cent plays a football player diagnosed with cancer. He dropped from 214 pounds to an astonishing 160 with a liquid diet and three-hour-a-day treadmill walks for nine weeks. “I was starving.” Now he’s back on tour and says, “I’ve been eating. I’ll be back in shape in no time!”

Yeah, this is great and all, but why doesn’t anybody give Cameron Diaz the credit she deserves as a great method actress? In Shrek she gained a bunch of weight and turned herself into an ogre. Where is her Academy Award? Is it a conspiracy against women actors? I’m ashamed that in this day and age women are still forced to the sidelines by gender inequality.

De Niro did it with a four-month binge eating trip around Italy and France for Raging Bull, Christian Bale did it by only eating one apple and a can of…

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Britney Is A Natural BeautyBy toddMay 26, 2010

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These pictures of Britney Spears were titled “Britney Spears leaving a hair salon in Beverly Hills” in the pic forums last night, and I don’t know if Britney just stopped by to drop off some cryogenic pamphlets or if her stylist has hooks for hands, but is this how you’re supposed to look when you leave a salon? Many people do not know that my Japanese permanent hair straightening system is not only amazing at creating silky straight hair, but can also be used to reduce or completely eliminate frizz permanently. Gone are the days of harsh, damaging permanent straighteners that leave the hair dull and lifeless. When you experience this straightener, your only regret will be that you didn’t do it sooner!

These pictures of Britney Spears were titled “Britney Spears leaving a hair salon in Beverly Hills” in the pic forums last night, and I don’t know if Britney just stopped…

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Elin Nordegren Is DiabolicalBy toddMay 26, 2010

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It’s been six months since Tiger Woods fled from his Florida home with a 9-iron aimed for his skull after his wife of five years found out that he was sleeping with as many as fourteen women. A lot of my chick friends have asked me why she hasn’t left him yet, and why it’s taking so long for her to file for divorce. That all changes today. So sit back, relax, and hold on to your goddamn hat. Examiner reports:

A $750 million divorce settlement: Tiger woods has always taken his multi-million dollar fortune for granted.. With the loss of major sponsors, and the possibility of his remaining sponsors pulling the plug any day, Tiger stands to lose a significant amount of his accumulated wealth. With no new sponsors on the horizon, and a golf game that’s clearly off, those millions of dollars may not be so easily re-earned. As wealthy as Tiger Woods is, the loss of that much money would have a major impact on his lifestyle and quality of life. (Todd here. Tiger’s estimated net worth is only $600 million)

Full custody of the children: Tiger Woods is a family man who loves his children, and it’s important to him that they be a part of his life. Joint custody was mutually agreed upon, but now Elin has changed her mind. She wants full custody of the couple’s two children, and according to reports, she plans to use Tiger’s infidelity with multiple mistresses to get her way. Since Elin plans to return to Sweden to live on the private island she recently bought (with Tiger’s money), Tiger may never get to see his kids.

NO confidentiality clause: Knowing how fanatical Tiger Woods is about his privacy, Elin has adamantly refused to sign Tiger’s lifetime confidentiality clause. She wants to retain her rights to write a book, or do TV interviews at a future date about her marriage to Tiger or their divorce. Though Elin has maintained her silence up to now, maybe she wants to finally have her say. The possibility of the rest of his life becoming an open book, probably has Tiger quaking in his boots – or his golf shoes.

I have no sympathy for Tiger Woods, but damn. To recap: Elin wants 125% of his wealth, full custody of their kids so she can move to another country and live on a private island that she bought with Tiger’s money, and the opportunity to reap untold fortunes by writing a tell-all book about Tiger. Holy shit. Did he set her on fire and drown her puppy and we just don’t know about it yet?

Note: “Look, I’m not saying Elin is gonna be found at the bottom of a lake somewhere, but this is the kinda shit why Lifetime movies get made.” – my buddy Chris

It’s been six months since Tiger Woods fled from his Florida home with a 9-iron aimed for his skull after his wife of five years found out that he was…

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They Look UncomfortableBy toddMay 26, 2010

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Jessica Simpson showed up to the star-studded gala, A Night Of Fashion & Technology With LG Mobile Phones, with other stars such as that lady from that show and that one dude from that one thing in a dress that is apparently twelve sizes too small. Her tits look like they need to buddy breathe. They also appear to be flat. Which kinda defeats the purpose of having DD’s. Chicks with DD’s should be walking around on rose petals sent from heaven, not sucking in and hoping that the sound of the camera flashes will help draw people’s attention away from their Spanx screaming for a quick death.

Jessica Simpson showed up to the star-studded gala, A Night Of Fashion & Technology With LG Mobile Phones, with other stars such as that lady from that show and that…

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Tess Taylor Says Good MorningBy toddMay 26, 2010
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I got an email yesterday with the subject "Awesome rack!". Needless to say, I open all of those. Then I realized it was from a dude who included a link to said awesome rack. I don't know who this dude is who likes to send strangers pictures of naked girls, but he is my greatest hero since Batman.

 

I got an email yesterday with the subject "Awesome rack!". Needless to say, I open all of those. Then I realized it was from a dude who included a link…

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