Kris Humphries Has A Man CaveBy jessDecember 08, 2011

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Kris Humphries was slated to appear on a DIY network show about man caves, and Kim Kardashian was slated to appear with him. Maybe the second billing (in addition to, you know, being a sham) is why their marriage ended. TMZ reports:

Kris Humphries is gearing up to reenter the bachelor scene after his split with Kim Kardashian … and TMZ has learned he’s already re-pimped out his Minnesota pad … with the help of a former NFL star. Sources connected to Kris tell us … Humphries recently hooked up with ex-Baltimore Ravens stud Tony Siragusa for an episode of the DIY network show “Man Caves” We’re told the original plan was to build a custom man cave for Kris where a married guy could escape for a little “man time “… and Kim was even supposed to participate in the episode. But after the split, we’re told Kris told producers to go back to the drawing board … and gave orders to design the ultimate bachelor pad room for a single guy on the rebound. We’re told Goose and contractor Jason Cameron came up with a “chill lounge” concept — complete with a couple of bars, liquor dispensers and a wall that transforms into a 120 inch projection screen.

Liquor dispensers and a projection screen twice my size? I was going to make a remark about how appropriate it is for someone who looks like a troglodyte to have a cave, but fuck it. I’m too busy trying to get invited over for Monday Night Football.

Kris Humphries was slated to appear on a DIY network show about man caves, and Kim Kardashian was slated to appear with him. Maybe the second billing (in addition to,…

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Courtney Stodden Turned Down A Reality ShowBy jessDecember 08, 2011

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Beacon of grace, class, and healthy father-daughter relationships Courtney Stodden turned down a VH1 reality series. RadarOnline says:

Courtney, 17, and her 51-year-old husband Doug Hutchison were offered a spot on Relationship Rehab, a show being produced by Celebrity Rehab’s John Irwin. It will follow couples living together in a Los Angeles home who would get counseling by world renowned therapists and participate in therapeutic activities and planned events. “Though Doug and Courtney considered the offer, in the end they felt that this wasn’t a perfect fit for the kind of show they wanted to do,” a source told RadarOnline.com. “There has been a lot of speculation about their marriage and a lot of people are just waiting for the inevitable ‘train wreck’ to happen, but Doug and Courtney have an incredibly strong relationship and seem very happy together,” the source said. “So doing a show about going into ‘rehab’ just doesn’t make sense for them.” RadarOnline.com has learned that Courtney and Doug were offered between $150,000 and $200,000 to appear on the eight-episode series that would have been filmed over three weeks. “By turning down Relationship Rehab Doug and Courtney walked away from a nice chuck of change,” the insider said. Courtney’s mom-ager Krista Stodden told RadarOnline.com why the famed couple made the decision to turn down the show. “Doug and Courtney are faced with an array of career opportunities and offers each and every day. I’m impressed by their ability to stay true to their convictions and stand behind any decision to respectfully pass on projects that they may feel are not completely right for them.”

The only relationship that needs rehab in this situation is the one between Courtney Stodden and self-tanner (and maybe Santa Claus). Of course her relationship with Doug Hutchinson is strong. The age gap closes as you get older, and it’s pretty evident that Courtney Stodden is actually 37 years old.

Beacon of grace, class, and healthy father-daughter relationships Courtney Stodden turned down a VH1 reality series. RadarOnline says: Courtney, 17, and her 51-year-old husband Doug Hutchison were offered a spot…

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Rima Fakih Blew A LotBy jessDecember 07, 2011

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Remember how Miss USA got a DUI last weekend, then swore it was someone else? Right. About that. TMZ says:

2010 Miss USA Rima Fakih was HAMMERED when cops arrested her for DUI this weekend … this according to Michigan police. According to the police report, obtained by the AP, Fakih was initially stopped when officers noticed the 26-year-old speeding and weaving through traffic in Detroit early Saturday morning. Cops say Fakih “immediately identified herself as Miss USA.” According to the report, Fakih took a breathalyzer and blew more than TWICE the legal limit — once blowing a .19 and then a .20. The legal limit in MI is .08. Officers claim they also found a half-empty bottle of wine on the floorboard behind the driver’s seat. Fakih was arrested on suspicion of DUI. If convicted, Fakih could face some serious jail time.

Considering too many shots of Jameson make me lose feeling in my legs, I don’t understand how the hell anyone blows a .20 without paralyzing themselves, let alone having the nerve to drive. This skank is lucky she got pulled over before Miss Car Bomb became Miss Car Crash. At least she didn’t have naked pictures leaked or say she doesn’t think gays should get married, though. Then she’d have to go back to her day job.

Remember how Miss USA got a DUI last weekend, then swore it was someone else? Right. About that. TMZ says: 2010 Miss USA Rima Fakih was HAMMERED when cops arrested…

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Lindsay Lohan Killed Heath Ledger, Will Debut Playboy Shots on EllenBy jessDecember 07, 2011

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It’s cool, I woke up nauseous anyway. RadarOnline reports:

In a world exclusive, Star has obtained the private memoir of the 25-year-old actress penned at the time of the Brokeback Mountain star’s death in which she professed her love for the actor. “Today Heath died,” Lindsay wrote with a pink pen on January 22, 2008. “I’m in love with him…. He was the love of my life. He taught me so much, and he was everything I’ve ever wanted and more. “I want to hear him laugh and hold me. I crave his touch and care.” The couple were so close that the Mean Girls star was even planning to visit Ledger in New York City just days after he died from an overdose of prescription drugs, Star exclusively reveals in the new issue. Lindsay, who has famously battled her own demons with drugs and drink, broke down in tears when she heard the news that Heath had died. “When a person dies the world stops. I’m numb,” she wrote. In a 2008 phone conversation obtained by RadarOnline.com, Lohan’s mom, Dina, told dad Michael that their daughter was “dating Heath when he died.”

Wasn’t Heath Ledger banging the ugly Olsen twin when he died, too? Based on what she put Samantha Ronson through, this was probably Heath’s only way out.

Meanwhile, Ms. Meth is going to give another lesbian first dibs on seeing her maybealmostnotquite naked. Via the New York Daily News:

The honor of getting a first peek at Lindsay Lohan’s nearly-nude photos in Playboy this month goes to Ellen DeGeneres. The vivacious talk show host was chosen over all other print and broadcast outlets to debut Lohan’s long-awaited spread in the lad mag, according to a publicist for Playboy. “Lindsay has agreed to do one media interview during the on-sale period of her issue, and has chosen Ellen,” the rep told the Daily News. “Lindsay will not be doing any additional interviews to promote her pictorial.” Lohan, who is rumored to be scoring a $1 million paycheck for posing in the magazine, will channel the late and troubled Marilyn Monroe in the photos. “It’s a classic tribute inspired by the original Tom Kelly nude pictorial of Marilyn Monroe, a portion of which was the original playmate which was in the original issue of Playboy,” Hefner told “The Insider” of the shots. “The pictorial is absolutely fantastic and very tasteful,” Lohan’s rep said at the time.

I don’t remember Marilyn Monroe having wrinkles in her 20s or teeth that look like the tiles in a crackhouse bathroom, but whatever. Marilyn Monroe was a pretty well-documented whore, but that’s about where Lindsay Lohan’s and her similarities stop. If Lindsay wants to overdose on barbiturates like her idol, that’s cool too. I just really hope she doesn’t wait til she’s 36.

It’s cool, I woke up nauseous anyway. RadarOnline reports: In a world exclusive, Star has obtained the private memoir of the 25-year-old actress penned at the time of the Brokeback…

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Courtney Stodden Classed Up The GroveBy toddDecember 07, 2011

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Paparazzi basically camp out in The Grove waiting for celebrities to show up, so if you’re a celebrity and you go there, you’re basically going there for one reason. So you’ll never guess who showed up looking like a day shift stripper! Courtney Stodden and her creepy actor husband and apparent chemotherapy patient, Doug Hutchinson. If you hold your face to the monitor you can literally smell the bronzer/AIDS.

Paparazzi basically camp out in The Grove waiting for celebrities to show up, so if you’re a celebrity and you go there, you’re basically going there for one reason. So…

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JWoww Does MaximBy toddDecember 07, 2011

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JWoww has been everywhere this week. First KMart, now Maxim, then next week the free clinic because she’s a skank who has herpes. Good morning, everyone!

Note: That…that…face. Even Photoshop said fuck it I can’t do anything with this.

JWoww has been everywhere this week. First KMart, now Maxim, then next week the free clinic because she’s a skank who has herpes. Good morning, everyone! Note: That…that…face. Even Photoshop…

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