Despite being born in 1965, Courtney Stodden is somehow 19 after she was burned alive then sent through an attention whore reconstruction machine. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I think I read it in a medical journal. Anyway, she was kicked off British television recently, so now she's just enjoying the rest of her stay in London by having to be carried out of Whisky Mist because she was drunk off her ass. Or drunk off her tits. I assume she would all like us to focus on those.
Proving that their is no statute of limitations on scorned woman crazy, Bill Clinton's former sidepiece, Gennifer Flowers, is now saying that Hillary Clinton is bisexual. The Daily Mail reports:
Their 12-year affair made Gennifer Flowers one of the most high profile mistresses in America. Now, two decades after they split amid scandal, the former news reporter from Little Rock, Arkansas wants to ‘sit down and talk’ with Bill Clinton. In an exclusive interview with MailOnline, Gennifer has spoken of her deep regret at turning down Clinton’s pleas to talk some eight years ago and revealed her belief that they would still be together today, were it not the birth of Clinton’s daughter, Chelsea….Gennifer said: ‘I don’t know Huma or the Weiners. I just know what Bill told me and that was that he was aware that Hillary was bisexual and he didn’t care. He should know. 'He said Hillary had eaten more p***y than he had.’
Holy crap. Our current President is a Kenyan Socialist put in place by cyborg Illumunati who won't rest until he provides healthcare for poor people and passes laws that might decrease the chance of you getting shot to death in a Wendy's, and our next President is a Marxist in a pantsuit who whipped her hair at Benghazi and her tongue at vagina. How long before everybody at Fox News starts burning their sets to make fire and voting on a leader based on a death match in a ring of torches?
Much like Jackson Pollock during his Springs Period, I am now in the golden age of my Anastasia Ashley Ass Phase. What a glorious time to me alive, my friends.
Pic source = Instagram
Dear god today is boring so here's Johnny Depp and Rihanna as wax statues because apparently that's still a thing that people do. Johnny Depp is probably going to break in and put a scarf on his and Rihanna will probably be so high that she thinks she's cloned.
Since Keeping Up With The Kardashians is a totally unedited and not scripted at all reality show about whores doing whore things, the Kardashians filmed their Christmas episode in on Tuesday because even holidays revolve around the giant Armenian cock that Ryan Seacrest his lifeforce. If you watch this show, I hate for you to hear it like this, but you're pretty stupid and nobody likes you. It's ok. Sit down. Take a minute. I know it might be hard to take in.
Long beautiful work day with the family! Shot a very fun Christmas special! Can't wait to share more later! Night! Xo
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) September 18, 2013
Note: For this post, I have chosen to use the hottest legal one of the Kardashians. Please find the keyword in that last sentence.
Since they haven't found a wy for their periods to synch up yet, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are now wearing matching tuxedos to places. Like the premiere of Runner Runner. Now word yet on what color they decided for their toenails.
Yesterday, the celebrity baby fetishists at Us Weekly ran a cover saying Jennifer Aniston is pregnant, then proceeded to give a pretty detailed timeline that showed why they sell a lot of magazines. But, as expected, she's probably not. Daily Mail reports:
Over the years there have been dozens of reports that Jennifer Aniston has been pregnant, all false. On Wednesday UsWeekly made that claim again with the excited cover line, Jen's Big Secret, Pregnant! But the actress' rep strongly denies the story, telling MailOnline, 'Jennifer is not pregnant.'The publication printed a rep denial, but still proceeded to detail how the Friends star, 44, has been trying very hard to hide the fact that she is expecting a child with her fiance Justin Theroux, 42. 'She's thrilled!' a source tells the weekly magazine.
Jennifer Aniston is 44, so if she is pregnant, it just increases the chances the baby might come with four arms or talons if it comes out at all, so it might be good idea to deny the reports until we see what Jesus' miracle is about first. If there's reports of a winged creatued draining the blood of stray cats and smal to medium sized dogs in the Hollywood in about seven months, let's circle back to this.