Playboy’s Miss November 2017 Is Transgender. Brilliant Marketing, Guys.By toddOctober 20, 2017
Playboy’s Miss November 2017 Is Transgender. Brilliant Marketing, Guys.

 

When Hugh Hefner died, Playboy had to read all the social media posts about how he subjugated women and was a creepy misogynist who deserved to rot in hell, so they knew the only way for liberals to like his magazine again would be to either make Hillary Clinton or a trans woman a Playmate. They chose the trans woman, because she at least looks the part. Her name is Ines Rau. She tells Playboy:

“Being a woman doesn’t mean being extremely feminine all the time,” she declares, her voice a seductive Parisian rasp. “Being a woman is just being a woman.”

I guess that’s one way to say it. Social media tells me since I’m a man, I’m dumb and inherently evil and perpetuating the systematic oppression of women in my spare time, but before the revolution starts after fall season, I’d like to ask a legit question. How does trans women taking over spots in things specifically allocated for women work with feminism? Like, I understand trans women are women, but I mean women who weren’t born named “Keith” (this is not Ines’ real name). Are you cool with that? Say, if the first woman President was born with a penis would we all be expected to celebrate her breaking that glass ceiling or would that come with an asterisk? How many think pieces will their be? I’m genuinely curious. Either or is fine with me. We’ve had like 45 men Presidents so far, so my base has been fully covered.

  When Hugh Hefner died, Playboy had to read all the social media posts about how he subjugated women and was a creepy misogynist who deserved to rot in hell, so they…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Kanye West Doesn’t Want A PrenupBy toddOctober 23, 2013

Proving once again that his lyrics are hollow and meaningless, Kanye West is reportedly refusing to ask Kim Kardashian for a prenup even though she's already been married twice for a total of 3 years and 72 days. I'm sure he has nothing to worry about. HollywoodLife reports:

Kanye is so overjoyed that Kim has agreed to be his wife, and the last thing on his mind right now is money. He ‘loves Kim too much’ to even think about asking his beautiful bride-to-be to sign a prenup! Kanye West has been waiting for this moment for so long and he doesn’t want to do anything to ruin his happiness with his new fiance, Kim Kardashian, 33. The Yeezus artist thinks it would be “tacky” and “awkward” to get a prenup — he just wants to celebrate their love instead, a source tells HollywoodLife.com. Read on for all the EXCLUSIVE details! So sweet! Kanye, 36, is really showing how much he loves and trusts Kim by refusing to get a prenup, a source tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “Kanye’s in love with Kim to the point of infatuation. It’s scary because the love is so powerful, Kanye doesn’t even want to have a prenup,” the source says. “He thinks it’s tacky and he doesn’t want to offend Kim or make anything seem awkward. He loves Kim too much for that to even cross his mind. He thinks of his money and his accomplishments and hers and he wants to share them with her — no strings attached.”

Authorities haven't determined what kind of mind-altering poison Kris Jenner has been soaking Kanye's leather skirts in yet, but if my net worth was $100M, you could pretty much guarantee nobody named "Kardashian" would be even able to smell it. Or look at it through bulletproof glass. It's gonna be pretty sad a few months after the wedding when he's fleeing from paparazzi and his brakes go out then Kim Kardarshian's new perfume is made with brake fluid.

Proving once again that his lyrics are hollow and meaningless, Kanye West is reportedly refusing to ask Kim Kardashian for a prenup even though she's already been married twice for…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Scarlett Johansson Is Esquire’s 2013 Sexiest Woman Alive AgainBy toddOctober 07, 2013
Scarlett Johansson Is Esquire’s 2013 Sexiest Woman Alive Again

 

Since it should be called Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Who Is Also Famous Or You Know From That One Thing, Scarlett Johannson has been named the sexiest woman alive for the second time, because Esquire doesn't have the resources to actually see every woman alive to make their decision. So, congrats to Scarlett. Also, she won Sexiest Man Voice for the first time this year since since I refused to be nominated. Six years in a row is enough.

 

See the video after the jump:

(more…)

  Since it should be called Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Who Is Also Famous Or You Know From That One Thing, Scarlett Johannson has been named the sexiest woman alive…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Christine Teigen Is Good At TwitterBy toddApril 20, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

I’m gonna lie for a second and say Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are really great friends of mine (remember that table I got you at Tobacco Road? BFFs do that). Now that’s out of the way, besides her mutant power to accurately predict earthquakes before they happen and being a total sweetheart who emailed me asking how I was after SIXTY-TWO tornadoes hit NC this weekend, Chrissy Teigen is by far the funniest person I follow on Twitter. I mean, like it’s not even close. So for her 10,000 tweet, she celebrated by posting the banner pic. I don’t know. Maybe I should have paid more attention to my piano teacher as a kid. But damn, bitch! How many times do I have to play “Chopsticks”?! Seriously, am I playing piano or typing?! I hate you!!

I’m gonna lie for a second and say Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are really great friends of mine (remember that table I got you at Tobacco Road? BFFs do…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Jennifer Love Hewitt Has Basically Just Given UpBy toddApril 20, 2011

[Gallery not found]

It’s going to take an elderly Mexican dragon to unlock a great, leather bound book and read a passage from the chapter “1998” for anybody under 20 to believe the myth that Jennifer Love Hewitt was once a hot piece of ass. She was. Now either she thinks it’s Christmas or L.A. is under a sever winter weather advisory, because she’s wearing about twenty layers of clothes. Maybe she wants people to think it’s Christmas, because that when people bring over pies. Who knows why she’s getting so fat. Maybe she wants to be one of People’s 2012 Most Beautiful People.

It’s going to take an elderly Mexican dragon to unlock a great, leather bound book and read a passage from the chapter “1998” for anybody under 20 to believe the…

Related Posts:

Tags:
People Magazine Is SarcasticBy toddApril 19, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

Is “Bombshell” some new kind of burrito? No, then why is Jessica Simpson in People magazine telling me she’s a sex symbol? Because the banner pic and the video below look like a before and after picture in a commercial where a guy tells me that I’ll burn fat and lose inches from my waist or I can return the bottle for a full refund! Real people! Real results! (*)

Double chins and Big Mama’s nightgown are hot:

(*) = These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. The pretend product Todd is rambling about instead of making an actual joke is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any diseases. Especially whatever your sister has. I mean, what is that? Look at that dude. Christ, what is that?!

Is “Bombshell” some new kind of burrito? No, then why is Jessica Simpson in People magazine telling me she’s a sex symbol? Because the banner pic and the video below…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Miley Cyrus Has A New Tattoo. Yep, Its A Dream CatcherBy toddApril 18, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

Since I generally like to make every post about me, whenever I meet someone, first they ask me if I speak Spanish. When I tell them no, they seem confused then awkwardly ask what the hell I am, basically. When I answer, 9 times out of 10 they follow with, “Oh, really?! My great-grandmother was 1/16 Cherokee!”. I’m not sure if they expect a hug or want me to trade with them or what, but this is really my long-winded segue into saying that a chick who was probably conceived on a flatbed truck with a bottle with Xs on it nearby has a tattoo of a dream catcher. Then posed with it in pigtails. Okay, you’ve seen Pocahontas. We get it. But I’m pretty sure Pocahontas has better weed.

Since I generally like to make every post about me, whenever I meet someone, first they ask me if I speak Spanish. When I tell them no, they seem confused…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Vanessa Hudgens Looks Happy At Coachella, Probably Didn’t Just EatBy toddApril 18, 2011

[Gallery not found]

Vanessa Hudgens attended Coachella this weekend where a lot of people think she was doing blow in broad daylight. Who knows? Maybe she was. She cashes checks from Disney and agreed to star in Beastly, so there’s a pretty good chance. I’m just more concerned with all the hipster chicks who are there. They’ll probably think I’m deep because I have “BE” tattooed on my penis. That’s before they see it actually says “BEAST MODE”. They’re still right about the deep part of course, but not for the reasons they initially thought.

Vanessa Hudgens attended Coachella this weekend where a lot of people think she was doing blow in broad daylight. Who knows? Maybe she was. She cashes checks from Disney and…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Kim Kardashian Waxes Her ForeheadBy toddApril 18, 2011

[Gallery not found]

Ooh, I’m so turned on right now.Daily Mail reports:

The 30-year-old reality star has spoken out about her obsession with hair removal – and even admitted that she used to wax her forehead. Kim said that up until two years ago she had baby hairs around her hairline that she used to have removed before opting for a more permanent method of laser surgery. ‘If you look at pictures of me from even three years ago, I had like two inches of baby hairs on my forehead. ‘But they weren’t thick enough to slick back, so they were permanently down and I would wax them all the time and now I lasered them and now they don’t come back,’ Kim tells Us Magazine.

But why stop at the forehead? Oh, that’s right. She doesn’t.

She also gets laser hair removal on her legs, arms, underarms and neck. Kim admits she’s been obsessed with having a hair free physique since before she was even a teenager. ‘Literally, at twelve years old I had a bikini wax. I had an appointment once a month on a specific day, like every Friday we’d go and and get the inside of our brows waxed and a bikini wax. Kim, who is a spokesperson for the TRIA Laser Hair Removal System, added: ‘I used to have my own wax kit at home and I used to just wax all the time. She admits can’t stand having hair on her body: ‘I’m, like, obsessed with hair removal.’ But when it comes to her men, she prefers that they go natural, especially in the region below the belt. Kim, who is currently dating NBA player Kris Humphries, said about her men: ‘I definitely don’t like it if there’s, like, nothing there, it’s weird, but I like it to be well groomed.’

I like how she talks about laser hair removal like it’s just a personal choice. You know, nothing that she really has do to, but something she enjoys because it makes her feel beautiful. But, to reiterate, she’s Armenian. She schedules laser treatments once a month and hoardes wax kits like Bigfoot with an identity crisis because if she didn’t, you’d need sandpaper to see this bitch’s face and people would chase her down the street trying to find anything silver to pick up to stab this chick with because obviously she’s a werewolf.

Ooh, I’m so turned on right now.Daily Mail reports: The 30-year-old reality star has spoken out about her obsession with hair removal – and even admitted that she used to…

Related Posts:

Tags: