Emergency! Burger King Is Out Of Linkonade.By daveFebruary 25, 2009

That is one urgent emergency. [BestWeekEver]

There’s only one thing worse than your mom discovering your lube. You mom discovering your anal lube. [CollegeHumor]

Paris Hilton has moved on to Amanda Bynes sloppy seconds, which is a downgrade in almost every sense of the word. Except the intended software sense.[FatBackMedia]

I’m developing an obsession with Anne Hathaway. That and the slow news day means an Anne Hathaway link. [LaineyGossip]

London Fashion Week seems much cooler than New York Fashion Week. Maybe it’s the more nipples? Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Holly Madison broke up with Cris Angel when he made her self respect disappear.[ImNotObsessed]

Emily Blunt: not as smokable as her name would imply. [ICYDK]

That is one urgent emergency. [BestWeekEver] There’s only one thing worse than your mom discovering your lube. You mom discovering your anal lube. [CollegeHumor] Paris Hilton has moved on to…

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Lindsay Lohan Really Needs To StopBy toddFebruary 24, 2009

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I have no idea exactly what Lindsay Lohan is trying to do here, but whatever it is, it’s not working. She’s topless, and I appreciate the effort, but good luck trying to get me to masturbate to something with a tattoo on her wrist that looks like it should be making hinges at Schindler’s factory. My penis just thinks that’s in poor taste. Like Asian girls.

If “topless” didn’t give it away, some of these pictures might be NSFW. Especially #6. And the closeup version of #6 here. Oh, and the picture your girlfriend sent me on my cell phone:

I have no idea exactly what Lindsay Lohan is trying to do here, but whatever it is, it’s not working. She’s topless, and I appreciate the effort, but good luck…

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She Hasn’t Paid Her Mortgage in 10 MonthsBy toddFebruary 24, 2009

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Nadya Suleman gained national attention after she gave birth to octuplets with the help of assisted reproductive technology even though didn’t have a job and already had six children. Man, I wonder how she can afford it all? Oh, wait. Us Magazine reports:

The source says that the house is set to be auctioned off on March 5. The Whittier, Calif., residence is actually owned by Suleman’s mother, Angela, who has not paid the bungalow’s mortgage in 10 months. She owed more than $23,000 in back payments. Suleman and her 14 children do not have a plan for where they will live once the house is gone, the source tells Us.

She’s not technically a celebrity, but unless you’re Noah’s wife, any chick that wants 14 kids clearly wants to be. I’m only half joking when I say that I wish the bank bulldozes this house to the ground. Then hopefully, the California government will step in and take these kids away from the this crazy bitch. They can at least give Jennifer Aniston one. Then she won’t have to DVR Noggin for her cats or wonder why her Baby Alive doll doesn’t like the outfit that she bought. It’s pink ponies!

No real reason for the Sarah Jessica Parker pictures other than the fact that this is probably the first time that they can’t be worse than the banner picture.

Banner picture credit: TMZ

Nadya Suleman gained national attention after she gave birth to octuplets with the help of assisted reproductive technology even though didn’t have a job and already had six children. Man,…

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Adriana Lima is Married, Can Have Sex NowBy toddFebruary 24, 2009

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Victoria’s Secret model and legendary piece of ass, Adriana Lima, announced today on her MySpace that she got married to retired NBA guard Marko Jaric in Wyoming on Valentine’s Day. I guess this is only news because Lima has long claimed that she would remain a virgin until she was married. Hey, Marko. Fuck you.

Hello!
By this point, some people know about my big news! Yes, I like to keep my life personal but I did become married on Valentine Day to the love of my life. I am SO happy inside and I want to spread my love!
The marriage was very small and not most friends and family could attend because it was a quick decision. Luckily, we will be having another wedding this summer that will be a bigger event!
We have not decided where it will be because my family is in Brasil and Marko is from Serbia. It will be great no matter where!
And finally, there are rumors of me pregnant. I just cannot say.. YET! .
beijos!!!
adri

I have no clue what this has to do with the story, but Jaric once played for a team called Kinder Bologna. I’m sure that means something more threatening wherever he’s from, but in American it sounds like something off a pre-school lunch menu. I didn’t look it up, but I’m going to assume their logo is a Panda and smiling sunshine face drinking a glass of milk.

Note: Yes, I know the body in the banner picture doesn’t belong to Adriana Lima. It’s an ass in the air. I hope you have some kind of point you’re trying to make here.

Victoria’s Secret model and legendary piece of ass, Adriana Lima, announced today on her MySpace that she got married to retired NBA guard Marko Jaric in Wyoming on Valentine’s Day….

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What Elephant?By daveFebruary 23, 2009

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Last night was the Academy Awards, and if you didn’t see the Slumdog Millionaire sweep coming down the tracks, well, you probably had more fun watching TV last night than I did. My hopes going into the Oscars were three-fold:

1) Buy lots of beer and take a drink every time I’m amazed that Hugh Jackman can be Wolverine in movies, but occasionally strays into metrosexual territory.

2) Mickey Rourke spontaneous breakdown over his recently dead chihuahua.

3) Jennifer Aniston/John Mayer throwdown against Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie.

It seems like no matter how many gigabytes of space we take up on the internet trying to get Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie into some sort of no-holds barred pudding match, they just refuse to do it.

Just do it already! Stop being in movies, I don’t care. I would give up every future Angelina Jolie movie or Jennifer Aniston vehicle if I could just see their nipples touch. Seriously.

Last night was the Academy Awards, and if you didn’t see the Slumdog Millionaire sweep coming down the tracks, well, you probably had more fun watching TV last night than…

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What’s A Guy Got To Do For Some Kristin Bell Pics Around Here?By daveFebruary 23, 2009
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Ok, so I have these photos of a Kristin Bell photoshoot by some guy (what do I look like? Google?) and I’ve been holding on to them waiting for Kristin Bell to make some damn news.

All I got is she’s going to be in this new series called Party Down.

Yeah, that blows. Trust me, if I had money for a plane ticket, I’d fly out to LA, and stand outside Kristin Bells house naked except for a sock until I was arrested. But, we can’t all be newsmakers, can we? We can only dream.

Complaints about how much I suck for giving you free pictures of the amazingly hot Kristin Bell without any relevant gossip can be directed to the “Dave should stay the eff off our site during weekdays” department.

Ok, so I have these photos of a Kristin Bell photoshoot by some guy (what do I look like? Google?) and I’ve been holding on to them waiting for Kristin…

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