Cory Monteith Overdosed On Heroin And AlcoholBy toddJuly 17, 2013

Since 31-year old dudes who recite lines for a living don't usually drop dead for no reason, the official cause of death of Cory Monteith is the least surprising official cause of death since the hoodie. Us Weekly reports:

Cory Monteith died of an accidental drug and alcohol overdose, British Columbia Coroners Service confirmed Tuesday, July 16 in a statement. Found dead at age 31 at his hotel room this past Saturday, the Glee actor "died of a mixed drug toxicity, involving heroin and alcohol," the press release reveals, citing an autopsy and toxicological testing. "There is no evidence to suggest Mr. Monteith's death was anything other than a most-tragic accident," the report continues. "Mr. Monteith's family has been made aware of the circumstances surrounding the death. On behalf of family members, the BC Coroners Service asks that the media respect their privacy at this difficult time."

I'm not going to sit here and say an addict who overdoes a "most-tragic accident", because well, it's not. Unless he slipped and fell in a pile of heroin then got up slid into a pool of Jack Daniels without a life raft, let's not pretend he didn't know exactly what he was doing. Which I assume was trying to find out the easiest way to break up with Lea Michelle.

Since 31-year old dudes who recite lines for a living don't usually drop dead for no reason, the official cause of death of Cory Monteith is the least surprising official…

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Lamar Odom Cheated On Khloe Kardashian For A YearBy toddJuly 17, 2013

The extent to which I keep up with the Kardashians is relegated to Feedly, so I'm sorry if this isn't news to you. It's news to me and that's really all that matters here. Hahaha, I kid, I kid. So anyway Lamar Odom cheated and Khloe Kardashian for a year with bunch of different women who actually look like women and blah blah blah blah words words words one of the women, Jennifer Richardson, is cashing in with Star Magazine. Radar Online reports on the tale as old as time.

Jennifer Richardson — who claims she held a yearlong affair with Lamar — opened up to Star magazine about her relationship with the NBA pro, and even offered up an apology to Khloe because she says she can sympathize with her. “I’m sorry,” Jennifer, 29, said. “Lamar led me to believe his marriage was just a business arrangement.” Even worse, Jennifer claims she’s not the only woman that Lamar has cheated on Khloe with, and she wants her to know it. “I can tell Khloe that I’m not the only woman; there have been many. I just happened to be around the longest,” Jennifer told the magazine. “My advice for Khloe would be to get a divorce. If she thinks he’s going to change, she’s mistaken.”

Pretty straightforward. Lamar Odom realized his married to Bigfoot who has assimilated into our society by learning speech and using Nair, so he's using his celebrity to bang every hot piece he can while he still can even though he looks like the lead characted in Tyler Perry Presents Powder (look it up). But since KONG FIND MATE SHE WANT BABY STILL.

The cheating allegations, “of course bother Khloe tremendously. She has trust issues with Lamar and was absolutely livid when he went to a strip joint earlier this year. However, Khloe still wants to have a baby with him. She feels that once they have a baby together, it will just bring them closer,” a source told Radar. “The fertility issues have definitely taken a toll on the couple’s sex life because Khloe is really strict about having sex when she is ovulating. It’s become clinical, and the romance is on the back burner because Khloe is having a very hard time getting pregnant.”

Yes, brilliant plan. If you're having trust issue and marital problems and the sex has become perfunctory and loveless, the first thing you should do is have a baby. Because that will change everything. Babies give you a lot of time to spend freely as a couple and to have lots of hot sex anywhere and anytime you want it. As soon as the baby comes, it just sits in the corner until you have to feed it so you can have time to grow as a couple and get the spark back. Studies have shown that smart newborns can order takeout and change their own diapers because of their highly developed motor skills, so you really don't have to do anything except spend every waking moment with your significant other and having loads of sex. And if you want to take a trip or go out, just spread some newspaper on the floor and leave the TV on Animal Planet or Mad Men or something like that because newborns, while smart and fully capableof taking care of themselves, need their brains stimulated. Also, be sure to preheat the oven so they can warm up the steak (babies loooooove steak) you put out for their dinner. And they'll need a really sharp knife, because babies are small and don't have that much upper body strength oh my god this chick is stupid.

The extent to which I keep up with the Kardashians is relegated to Feedly, so I'm sorry if this isn't news to you. It's news to me and that's really…

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