Okay, It All Makes Sense NowBy toddFebruary 18, 2009
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In case you don’t remember, actor Terrence Howard was one of the few celebrities to come out in the defense of Chris Brown (“it’s just life, man“) after her beat Rihanna so bad that she allegedly now needs plastic surgery. I wonder what would make somebody defend a woman beater. Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! The Smoking Gun says:

Police and court records reveal that Howard, 39, was once arrested for a similar crime, the details of which have not been previously reported. The actor, who co-starred in “Iron Man” and was nominated in 2006 for an Academy Award for his role in “Hustle & Flow,” was arrested by Pennsylvania cops in September 2001 for assaulting his estranged wife. According to a Whitemarsh Police Department report, after Howard and Lori McCommas argued on the phone, the actor warned, “Don’t disrespect me by hanging up on me or I’ll come over and hurt you.” McCommas then “hung up and contacted 911 fearing Howard was serious.” While McCommas was speaking with a police dispatcher, Howard “showed up at the victim’s residence and began breaking the door down.” McCommas ran to the rear of the house and into the backyard. Howard then “broke the front door down and ran through the screen door in the kitchen. Howard then grabbed the victim’s left arm and punched her twice with a closed fist in the left side of the face.” The attack was broken up by Howard’s brother, who responded to McCommas’s house after he “saw Howard storm out of their house to go to the victim’s house.”

Wow. It takes a special kind of asshole to tell a woman you’re going to beat her ass then get in your car and drive to her house to beat her ass while the woman is on the phone with the police. Because everybody knows you’re only supposed to hit a woman if she forgets the safe word. Look, I’m sorry, sweetie. I’ll drive you to the hospital and all, but I finding this whole situation to be very unprofessional quite frankly.

Looking for pictures of Terrence Howard isn’t in my contract, so here’s Rihanna and her rack again. How fascinating!

In case you don’t remember, actor Terrence Howard was one of the few celebrities to come out in the defense of Chris Brown (“it’s just life, man“) after her beat…

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Fergie is in MexicoBy toddFebruary 17, 2009

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As stated before, Fergie’s body was built for sex, so it’s unclear why God built her face to sit out on your porch during Halloween. Seriously, she looks like she should have snakes for hair. It’s like everything from the neck up was put there by mistake. They only good thing going for her now is that she doesn’t have a tail. Because if she did, I’m pretty sure people would think she was a minotaur.

As stated before, Fergie’s body was built for sex, so it’s unclear why God built her face to sit out on your porch during Halloween. Seriously, she looks like she…

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Kong and Kim Went To Fashion WeekBy toddFebruary 17, 2009

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Kim Kardashian and her beast sister, Khloe, went to New York for Fashion Week, but they should’ve just went to Baby Gap or the Keebler Elve’s tree instead, because good luck trying to find anything that fits, skanks. I don’t know if you can get stretch marks on a dress or not, but let’s just see Kim try to squeeze her gigantic ass into something just worn by a 15 year old Russian model who just drank an suppository and smack smoothie. Kim would make that dress look like David Banner would be wearing it after he woke up in the woods with no recollection of where he is….or what he’s done.

Kim Kardashian and her beast sister, Khloe, went to New York for Fashion Week, but they should’ve just went to Baby Gap or the Keebler Elve’s tree instead, because good…

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Jessica Biel is Doing This RightBy toddFebruary 17, 2009

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Hollywood Tuna found this picture of Jessica Biel presumably on the set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre back in 2002. This picture of Jessica Biel pretending to take it in the face from a sausage. I would type more but my penis just jumped off and started doing cartwheels in the front yard. brb.

Note: By the way, if you think her tongue is freakishly long, it’s because it is. Damn, I’m in love.

Hollywood Tuna found this picture of Jessica Biel presumably on the set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre back in 2002. This picture of Jessica Biel pretending to take it in the…

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Dinosaurs Linking RobotsBy daveFebruary 17, 2009

Is it possible a whole website exists where people can make pictures of dinosaurs having sex with robots paired with inspirational phrases? Of course, it’s the internet. NSFW? [DinosaursFingRobots]

Nipple teasing seems to be a hot trend amongst the celebrities. When will actual nipples be a trend? [CityRag]

I looked a Jim Belushi’s wife in a bikini to spite him for being on television so long. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Britney Spears has a Lousiana abortion? Who hasn’t? [CelebSlam]

Why would you want to buy Michael Jackson‘s stuff? Because rhinestone socks are so practical. [PopBytes]

Angelina Jolie is turning into a man. [JustJared]

Kate Moss has finally gained enough wight to wear a bra, which would be an okay joke, except (more…)

Is it possible a whole website exists where people can make pictures of dinosaurs having sex with robots paired with inspirational phrases? Of course, it’s the internet. NSFW? [DinosaursFingRobots] Nipple…

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Amanda Bynes, Seriously. How You Doin?By toddFebruary 16, 2009

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Amanda Bynes was in New York and modeled for the Heart Truth Red Dress Collection on Friday. And by “modeled” I mean she just wore stuff she normally wears. Has anybody ever seen this chick in pants or a dress? Does she even know what those are? They could have asked her backstage to wear a dress that covered up her thighs and there would’ve been a good chance that she started jumping up and down doing ape sign language before jumping on a tire swing and trying to eat a stapler. All signs point to that not working out.

Bynes and her kick ass legs:

Amanda Bynes was in New York and modeled for the Heart Truth Red Dress Collection on Friday. And by “modeled” I mean she just wore stuff she normally wears. Has…

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Amber Alert Party!By toddFebruary 16, 2009

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The sex offender database and tween world are about to spin off their axis right now because Jonas Brother, Nick Jonas, and Selena Gomez have officially broken up. Like OMG!! Text the cell, girl! Text the cell!!! Star Magazine reports:

The 16-year-old singing sensation and his Disney star girlfriend Selena Gomez, also 16, have broken up. The youngest Jonas Brother announced he was single on The Insider. And while Nick was in NYC doing a media blitz with his bros, Selena hit the town in Los Angeles with his other ex girlfriend — Miley Cyrus! Selena, Miley and fellow tween star Demi Lovato dined on sushi at Koi in West Hollywood on Thursday. Miley’s current boyfriend, Justin Gaston, also tagged along.

The Jonas Brothers are gay, and although Selena Gomez is super cute, she looks about 11. She’s 16. So I don’t think anything is gonna change much in the next two years. She might look 13 then. If that’s the case, I might as well fuck a koala sitting on a rainbow or a basket of kittens in tiny pink bonnets. You know, because if I wanted to have sex with things that were adorable, I’d start at the top of the list.

The sex offender database and tween world are about to spin off their axis right now because Jonas Brother, Nick Jonas, and Selena Gomez have officially broken up. Like OMG!!…

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Links Less Revealing Than Ballroom DancingBy daveFebruary 16, 2009

Above video isNSFW, I guess. Though if you can’t watch ballroom dancing at work, it’s not like you’re going to run home to see it.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson‘s fight over the weekend lead them to postpone a party they were going to throw becuase of “ear infections,” which was lame before LiLo went out the next day [LaineyGossip]

Whatever went wrong for you on Valentine’s Day, Megan Fox, I want to make it all better. [JustJared]

Peaches Geldorf‘s kickass tattoo almost distracts from her bare breasts. Almost. Site NSFW [TaxiDriverMovie]

Lily Allen‘s panty-flash actually makes me respect her more. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Salma Hayek got married to French guy on Valentine’s Day. The only French things I can get behind are (more…)

Above video isNSFW, I guess. Though if you can’t watch ballroom dancing at work, it’s not like you’re going to run home to see it. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson‘s…

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