Ryan Lochte Is Somebody’s Father NowBy toddDecember 15, 2016
Ryan Lochte Is Somebody’s Father Now

 

Imagine being a fetus and realizing your father is Ryan Lochte and your mother is a Playboy Playmate Kayla Rae Reid. Do you start using heroin now or what until 7th grade?

(more…)

  Imagine being a fetus and realizing your father is Ryan Lochte and your mother is a Playboy Playmate Kayla Rae Reid. Do you start using heroin now or what…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Feminists Hate Shailene Woodley NowBy toddMay 06, 2014
Feminists Hate Shailene Woodley Now

 

The best way for a large group of people to attack you on the Internet is to state an opinion publicly then sit back and wait. Well, Shailene Woodley didn't have to wait long after her interview with Time where she stated she doesn't consider herself a feminist. Lots of people on the Internet right now with toxic shock syndrome.

TIME: You’ve talked about before—with Divergent specifically, too—about being conscious of the kind of messages that you’re sending to young female fans when you’re taking on roles. Do you consider yourself a feminist?

Shailene Woodley: No because I love men, and I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance. With myself, I’m very in touch with my masculine side. And I’m 50 percent feminine and 50 percent masculine, same as I think a lot of us are. And I think that is important to note. And also I think that if men went down and women rose to power, that wouldn’t work either.. We have to have a fine balance. My biggest thing is really sisterhood more than feminism. I don’t know how we as women expect men to respect us because we don’t even seem to respect each other. There’s so much jealousy, so much comparison and envy. And “This girl did this to me and that girl did that to me.” And it’s just so silly and heartbreaking in a way. It’s really neat to see: there’s that new Judd Apatow [sic] movie coming out, The Other Woman, and that looks really good because I think it’s really neat that it shows women coming together and supporting each other and creating a sisterhood of support for one another versus hating each other for something that somebody else created.

TIME: So even though what they’re coming together for is to bring down a man…

SW: Yeah, but they create a sisterhood. And he did something wrong, and they’re, you know. They’re going to go after him for it. I think it’s great.

*clears throat* I'm not going to get into the myth of the "sisterhood", but let me preface this by saying that I was raised by a single mother because my father was a raging cokehead who was too busy being Johnny Semenseed all over the contiguous United States and Germany (lots of German women supported our troops) to ever be an actual father. In fact, almost every strong, influence in my life has been a woman, and I lived in fear of my grandmother even after I graduated high school, because as it turns out, 4'11" Native American women who have been working on a farm since they were 6 have no time for your bullshit. And if you look through history and even today, when you remove women from the equation, whether it be religion, the Boy Scouts, fraternities, our your life in general, things eventually go horribly wrong and the only thing that's needed to course correct the inevitable sad, freakshow is for a woman to come in and say, "Look, go have a seat while I figure this shit out". The world needs women just as much as men, and if you want to add in the biological and nurturing aspect, women are even more important. That being said, if feminists could suck dick the way they suck the fun out of everything, then maybe their message would be better received. Attacking a woman who doesn't agree with feminism is, uh, a bit off message, don't you think? Not everybody with a vagina is down for the cause, and whatever circumstances in your life brought you to embrace and accept feminism might not have happened to the woman next to you. So chill. We can talk the patriarchy all you want, but I'm pretty sure Oprah or Beyonce don't spend a lot of their time thinking about it. They realized their own self-worth and power at an early age, and now they got shit handle. If an image in a magazine or an insecure comment by a fool with a dick can make you question your value on this planet, then you're fighting two enemies, so slay the one in the mirror first. Most of the people complaning about Woodley seem to be focused on, "OMG SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FEMINISM MEANS!" And maybe that's true, because the word you've adopted and the actual definition mean two completely different things. The definition of "feminism" is basically "humanism", but you've made it female-centric, so it confuses everybody who has more one thing to think about during their day. I love women, everybody should love women (another thing gay dudes get right), but as man, I'll never get a diamond as a prize for answering "yes" to a question. I'm never going to get into a club free before 10pm. And I'll never be able to marry a French billionaire when the patriarchy says I'm too old to effectively perform my job. So if you want to be mad at some 22-year old chick who is too young to realize that she'll never have life figured out and who probably doesn't even know a single Tori Amos song, feel free. But take a step back and understand why you're mad in the first place. Since you're a woman, I'm sure you'll let me know three months from now.

 

  The best way for a large group of people to attack you on the Internet is to state an opinion publicly then sit back and wait. Well, Shailene Woodley…

Related Posts:

Tags:
‘Gotham’ Has A TrailerBy toddMay 06, 2014

 

I guess FOX wanted their own Smallville (that shit ran for 10 years. TEN years), so here's the trailer for Gotham, which I'm told tells the backstory of Bruce Wayne before he becomes Batman. So basically, it's another show about rich, white people with problems. I'm glad FOX has decided to take a chance on such a controversial topic. Rich white people have been marginalized in the media for far too long, so it's good they are finally being represented here.

  I guess FOX wanted their own Smallville (that shit ran for 10 years. TEN years), so here's the trailer for Gotham, which I'm told tells the backstory of Bruce…
Tags:
Hey There, RihannaBy toddMay 06, 2014

The Met Ball thing was last night, and Rihanna showed up wearing this dress. So yeah, Tuesday is turning out pretty good so far. I'm lint rolling the hell out of my pants right now (*). I'll stop talking so you can click through the gallery and join Rihanna for the ride of your life.

 

 

(*) = euphemism

The Met Ball thing was last night, and Rihanna showed up wearing this dress. So yeah, Tuesday is turning out pretty good so far. I'm lint rolling the hell out…

Related Posts:

Tags:
The Freemasons Are Stalking Lindsay And Trying To Kill HerBy toddMay 17, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

Less than 12 hours after Radar Online reported she was a drunk mess at a club in Hollywood this weekend, Lindsay Lohan reveals that she’s been stalked for four years by a lunatic who wants to kill her and now she wants the police to help. Oh, Lindsay. I see what you did there. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan claims she has footage and text messages proving she’s being stalked by a person who has been “threatening to kill” her … and she’s now going to the cops for help. Lilo went on Twitter today and posted a photo of the man allegedly posing the threat — saying, “This is the freemason stalker that has been threatening to kill me- while he is TRESPASSING! I’m actually scared now.” She continued, “all my fans, my supporters, please stand by me. g-d bless xxL.” We’re told LiLo believes the man has been obsessed with her for nearly 4 years … frequently dropping by her home and leaving weird gifts for the actress. We’re also told he’s been sending her “insane” text messages for the past few years. Sources tell us Lindsay does not know the identity of the alleged stalker — but she wants the cops to help keep the mystery man away ASAP.

TMZ appears to be on the payroll now, but more to the point, Lindsay claims to not know the identity of her dealerstalker, yet she knows he’s a Freemason and he’s had her number for four years. I don’t know, change your fucking number? Stop watching From Hell after you did twenty rails? Nobody is stalking you, you stupid bitch. A Freemason can’t afford that many cover charges much less the $15 well drinks.

Less than 12 hours after Radar Online reported she was a drunk mess at a club in Hollywood this weekend, Lindsay Lohan reveals that she’s been stalked for four years…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Demi Lovato Posted This On TwitterBy toddMay 16, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

Exactly two months ago, Demi Lovato walked through LAX looking like this. And one month ago, she filmed a PSA where they had to use a special lens to fit her massive head in the frame. Today, she tweeted this along with the banner picture.

“I’ve been working so hard to get healthy and fit.. I can’t believe I’m about to do this but I’m so excited.. Here’s my bikini time body!”

I’m not saying she’s back to starving herself and doing lines longer than the ones outside the Superdome after Hurricane Katrina, but she’s worked harder cleaning her room than she has to “get healthy and fit”. Also, this looks like it should be in a Hydoxycut commercial with the words “ACTUAL PICTURE” flashing in and out.

Exactly two months ago, Demi Lovato walked through LAX looking like this. And one month ago, she filmed a PSA where they had to use a special lens to fit…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Donald Trump Won’t Run For PresidentBy toddMay 16, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

With Celebrity Apprentice now tied as the #1 primetime show in the coveted 18-49 demographic, beating ABC and CBS combined, phase 2 of Donald Trump‘s plan not to run for President was commenced today. With Trump announcing he would not run for President. The New York Times reports:

“After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the presidency,” he said in a statement. “I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election,” Mr. Trumps said, adding, “Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion, and I am not ready to leave the private sector.”

Making his tax records public isn’t really in Trump’s best interest, so the only way Donald Trump would run for President is if “President” was the name of a housing project that was in the way of a developmental land deal. If you genuinely thought he was actually planning on running and hoped he would win, air is too precious of a resource for us to allow you to continue to use. Sorry. If you could go stand in that single file line over there, someone will be along shortly to give you some forms to fill out. And to tattoo the inside of your wrist. Oh, don’t worry. It’s for a raffle we’re doing.

With Celebrity Apprentice now tied as the #1 primetime show in the coveted 18-49 demographic, beating ABC and CBS combined, phase 2 of Donald Trump‘s plan not to run for…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Cheryl Cole Is At Cannes, May Have Golden FleeceBy jessMay 14, 2011
[Gallery not found]

Cheryl Cole is in a British girl group, a judge on X-Factor, and probably an Argonaut. Because there was no reason for her to be at Cannes other than to have her picture taken and subsequently save you from turning into stone from staring at the McCords for too long.

All images via WENN.

Cheryl Cole is in a British girl group, a judge on X-Factor, and probably an Argonaut. Because there was no reason for her to be at Cannes other than to…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Jon Cryer Is SarcasticBy jessMay 14, 2011

Admitted troll Jon Cryer released a statement responding to Ashton Kutcher‘s casting in Two And A Half Men. E! Online reports:

The Two and a Half Men star, who remained notably mum throughout the Charlie Sheen hullabaloo that took down their hit show midseason (minus a couple of pointed comedy sketches in which he admitted to being a troll and took a job with Ellen), has let it be known that he’s grateful for what came before but now he’s looking forward to what’s ahead.

And that includes working with Ashton Kutcher.

“I’m jazzed about the news this morning that Two and a Half Men is coming back!”
Cryer said in a statement to E! News, via his rep. “For all the rest of the cast and crew I’m sure they are equally excited.

“I want to express my enormous gratitude to Charlie Sheen for eight great seasons. I’m extremely proud of the work we’ve done together, and I will miss him. But I’m also looking forward to this new beginning.”

And he can’t be the only one. Rumor had it that CBS was scrambling to get the Kutcher deal in place ahead of Wednesday’s upfront presentation in New York. You know, so they’d have something promising (two whole men!) to show advertisers so that they’ll be compelled to spend money to advertise during Two and a Half Men.

“Ashton is an extraordinarily talented guy, and his presence will be an asset to our show,”
Cryer continued. “We are old friends from our male modeling days, and we’re both looking forward to being judged for our comedic artistry, as opposed to our exceptional physical beauty.”

It’s nice that Jon Cryer’s not going to spend his days pining away for an unemployed cokehead now that he’s got someone relevant only for boning Bruce Willis’ sloppy seconds on board. Seriously, why isn’t Jon Cryer’s publicist on the writing staff for this show? I laughed harder at the thought of Ashton Kutcher being “extraordinarily talented” than at anything Charlie Harper’s ever done.

All images via WENN.

Admitted troll Jon Cryer released a statement responding to Ashton Kutcher‘s casting in Two And A Half Men. E! Online reports: The Two and a Half Men star, who remained…

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Oh, I See How It IsBy toddMay 12, 2011

[SinglePic not found]

I just posted today that Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli broke up, and now I find out that he’s already trying to spread Ashley Greene‘s legs apart and yell he’s the king of the world. Ashley, you dirty, dirty whore. Celebuzz reports:

Newly single Leonardo DiCaprio had a boys night out in Hollywood Wednesday. He, along with Lukas Haas and Emile Hirsch went to Beacher’s Madhouse at The Roosevelt Hotel where he met another famous face. Sources at the club confirm to Celebuzz he was introduced by friends to Twilight hottie Ashley Greene! New couple alert? Not quite yet. “They talked for a couple minutes, it was nothing too serious,” an eyewitness says of the encounter. “They were both smiling and seemed happy to meet each other though.

A boys night out with Lukas Haas and Emile Hirsch, huh? It’s safe to say I like my chances with that lineup. Then that will leave just me and Leonardo. Face to face. Straight up and down don’t even bother. I got forty niggas up in here now who kill niggas fathers.

I just posted today that Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli broke up, and now I find out that he’s already trying to spread Ashley Greene‘s legs apart and yell he’s…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,