I guess I should post these pics of Selena Gomez performing during halftime on Thursday at the Cowboys/ Raiders game, where the Cowboys barely beat the Raiders at home. Great game, you guys. What? The Cowboys have a lot of injuries? Man, that sucks. Paul Walker is injured and he still has a movie coming out next year.
So, I was gonna post another story, but then I went on Instragram and saw Catalina Otalvaro in a thong and high heels going up some stairs. There are three words in that last sentence that are three of my favorite words, so if Catalina had been carrying a burrito and going down on that other girl, then I would accuse this photographer of being an evil warlock who can read minds.
Look, I know there's nothing sexier than a 33-year old chick who just gave birth to her third husband's baby posing for a picture in a bathroom while not wearing panties, but can we all agree that we've all never seen a picture so capture the essence of Kanye West not pretending anymore that he's not a sociopath? Nice vacant, blank stare, homey. Also, nice shirt, bruh. You get that at Vuitton Eagle? Anyway, everybody shoud go check out the janitor's Instagram. He has a picture of "YOU AIN’T GOT THE ANSWERS, SWAY!” written on the wall in Kim Kardashian's blood.
pic source = Instagram
Is Orlando Bloom a very handsome man? Yes. Was Miranda Kerr convinced that, combined with her genes, Orlando Bloom would a produce an aesthetically pleasing child? Yes. Is Orlando Bloom a nice guy who genuinely seems to love his family? Yes. Does Orlando Bloom have all that Legolas money? Yes. But please keep in mind, Orlando Bloom is not a billionaire. And nothing makes a chick tsunami off her seat like the letter "B" in front of "illionaire". So naturally, Miranda Kerr has been secretly dating 46-year old Australian billionaire James Packer for months. And if you're wondering what you have to look like to pull Victoria's Secret ass if you have a billion dollars. THIS. You have to look like this. Vogue Australia reports:
After announcing her split from Orlando Bloom just a few months ago, Miranda Kerr (and April Vogue cover model) is said to be in a relationship with James Packer. Packer, in turn, had earlier announced his own divorce from Vogue's November cover model Erica Packer; interestingly, Erica Packer and Kerr also both hail from the same town of Gunnedah (look at that six degrees of separation right there). Neither Kerr nor Packer have denied the reports after being approached a week ago. It is said that the pair have been in a secret relationship for the past few months. Kerr and Packer have known each other for several years, often holidaying together with their respective families and Packer has been said to have provided business advice to Kerr on her beauty brand, Kora.
So to recap, Miranda Kerr was happily married to Orlando Bloom until her billionaire friend divorced his wife, then she was no longer hapilly married to Orlando Bloom. This has to be some sort of coincidence, and not a long-term and calculated plan by Miranda Kerr to dive in a swimming pool of money. Nope. This is definitely true love. Of money. True love of money.
"Fast & Furious 7" Will Go On [Dlisted]
The Kardashian Christmas Card Has A Giant Dollar Sign In It [Fishwrapper]
Here's Kate Upton's Panties [Taxi Driver Movie]
Catrinel Menghia. Damn. [Hollywood Tuna]
I Want To Go Shopping With Jessica Alba [Popoholic]
Camille Rowe Could Get It [Drunken Stepfather]
Tyrese Had An Emotional Breakdown At The Paul Walker Memorial [TMZ]
Posh & Becks Got A Vogue Cover [Lainey Gossip]
Mario Bello Came Out As A Lesbian In A Badass Way [Celebitchy]
Lots Of Booty Grabbin Going On Here [Moe Jackson]
Judd Apatow Probably Wants To Bang Amy Schumer [Film Drunk]
40 Pictures Of Celebrities Without Makeup Will Make You Projectile Leftover Turkey [Celebslam]
Ron Burgandy Anchored A Real Newscast [COED Magazine]
David Beckham Jerked Off A Dude [The Blemish]
Somebody Mommyjacked Kim Kardashian's Twitter [Evil Beet Gossip]
pic source = Instagram
Nicki Minaj apparently hasn't listened to any Kanye West interviews this week, because if she had, she'd know that she was being manipulated by brands and will never be pretty because Kim Kardashian is the most beautiful woman who has lived or will ever live. But she might not have understood because Kanye used slave analogies to describe how hard it is to be famous millionaire. Despite all that, Nicki Minaj decided that yesterday was a good day to post her boobs on Instagram. Not sure if it's because of Thanksgiving or what, but I'd very much like to put some gravy on these. Maybe some cranberry sauce. Let's mix it up. Why pressure ourselves?
pic source = Instagram
Here's Kim Kardashian pushing Baby Yeezus in a stroller in Manhattan yesterday. I tried to find someone that looked more confused pushing something, but I couldn't find a picture of a caveman trying to push the iOS7 update.
The Time Ke$ha Electrocuted Her Twat With Power Tools [Dlisted]
Elle Should Be Ashamed of Itself [Fishwrapper]
Angelina Jolie Braless Pokies (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Stevie From ‘Eastbound & Down’ Tried To Bang Lindsay Lohan In Real Life [The Superficial]
Olivia Munn Dresses To Impress [Hollywood Tuna]
Selena Gomez Gets Sexy For Letterman [Popoholic]
Kylie Minogue has a 2014 Calendar out (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Something seems different about Lara Flynn Boyle [TMZ]
Busy day for Prince Harry [Lainey Gossip]
Tom Cruise got booed by the crowd at a Dodgers game [Celebitchy]
Jessica Alba Chats On Cellphone & Feeds Parking Meter AT THE SAME TIME [Moe Jackson]
Will Smith’s trailer costs more than your house [Film Drunk]
Nicole Scherzinger ain't bad [Celebslam]
Sexy Sorority Girl Slut-O-Ween 2013 [COED Magazine]
The Jonas Brothers Deleted Their Twitter Account [The Blemish]
Kate Moss Has Mandatory Cigarette Breaks In Her Contract [Evil Beet Gossip]
C-3PO Confirmed for Star Wars Episode VII? [Crave Online]
Lady Gaga is doing a holiday special with the Muppets [Popbytes]
Robert Pattinson: Why He Won’t Be Cast As Christian Grey [Hollywood Life]
Everything (And Everyone) Eaten In Mortal Kombat [Thrillist]
Pic source = Twitter
Steve Jobs, the hipster god who created products that makes them stand in line every six months, is widely known to have been an absolute nightmare to work with and believed to have narcissitic personality disorder (he regularly parked in handicap spaces, he once screamed at police and repeatedly honked his horn when they pulled him over for going 100 in a residential because he "was in a hurry", he reportedly got upset when Obama didn't personally call him after the launch of the iPad, etc.) is now the subject of a new book, The Bite in the Apple: A Memoir of My Life With Steve Jobs, that was written by a former girlfriend, Chrisann Brennan. Apparently Stevie was always horny and liked boning in sheds. Radar Online reports:
Brennan and Jobs were an item from 1972 until 1977. She said that Jobs retuned from a 1974 trip to India with new sexual enlightenment regarding tantra, saying, “It all broke open between us when he asked if I would make tantric love with him in his garden shed.” She said that Jobs’ professional focus and dedication trickled down to the bedroom, as he avoided emissions to save his mojo, and store “power and wealth by conserving one’s vital energies. “Our birth control method up to that point was Steve’s coitus interruptus, also called the pull–out method, which for him was about his conserving his energy for work.” She writes in the tome that she and the late genius “shared nights of lovemaking so profound that, astonishingly, some 15 years later, he called me out of the blue to thank me.”
And since the pull out method doesn't work, Steve Jobs was the Adrian Peterson of the 70s, except he probably wouldn't have went to the hospital.
Brennan, who has a daughter named Lisa with the late tech mogul, paints a dark portrait of the inventor, describing his reaction when she told him she was expecting their child. “Steve’s face turned ugly,” she wrote. “He gave me a fiery look. Then he rushed out of the house without a word,” adding he “told me he felt like I was stealing his genes.” Jobs denied fathering the child for years, until a 1979 paternity test proved him the biological dad.
Jobs was an orphan, so you'd think he wouldn't want his child to feel abandoned like he was, but you can't really let something like another human being you helped create get in the way of building computers in a garage. I mean, somethings are just more important. That being said, I have an iPhone so I should probably chill with outrage. iOS7 is so pretty!
[Gallery not found]
Porn star, Joslyn James, one of the 14 whores Tiger was banging while his wife was home with his two children, is claiming that he got her pregnant twice. Look at the banner picture. Tiger would had unprotected sex with that. Just wanted to throw that out there. The Daily Mail reports:
Porn star Joslyn James has told a U.S. TV show how she always had unprotected sex with the golf star during their three-year affair. The actress, who has appeared in adult films such as Big Breasted Nurses and My Sex Teacher, tells Inside Edition that using protection ‘was never talked about’. James, 32, said she miscarried in her first pregnancy at about the same time Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren, gave birth to daughter Sam Alexis in June 2007. The next pregnancy was aborted close to the birth of Woods’ son, Charlie Axel, in February 2009, James claims. The golfer was not told about either pregnancy, she said. James tells the TV programme: ‘I just didn’t want to ruin anything. ‘Actually, the day I was going to tell him, I had a miscarriage,’ she said. ‘After I lost the baby I didn’t want to talk about it.’ The porn star added that the first pregnancy and miscarriage made her ‘more emotionally attached’ to the golfer.
This is the same woman who owes $12,000 in back child support, so let’s not get too carried away here. She didn’t have a miscarriage. In a more likely scenario, she had an abortion when the ultrasound didn’t look like a bag of gold.