Amber Heard Was 90 Minutes Late To Her Johnny Depp Deposition YesterdayBy toddAugust 08, 2016
Amber Heard Was 90 Minutes Late To Her Johnny Depp Deposition Yesterday


Amber Heard is tired of all the lies and slander the media has used to paint her as a gold digging whore who made up domestic violence claims against Johnny Depp in order to reap an untold fortune, and her lawyers have told us repeatedly that she’s been ready to “set the record straight” by sitting down for a deposition. A deposition that rescheduled once for a costume fitting. A deposition she rescheduled another time for her friend’s engagement party. A deposition that she showed up 90 minutes to on Saturday while getting dressed on the way in. 

Actress Amber Heard showed up 90 minutes late — with greasy hair and her shirt sleeves unbuttoned — for a Saturday morning deposition with Johnny Depp’s lawyers….Depositions can be a ­grueling face-off lasting hours, but video showed Heard looking barely prepared as she buttoned her sleeves and tucked in her shirt while waiting for an elevator to the attorney’s office.

In her defense, Elon Musk has more money, so you can see how this whole deposition thing would be boring to her now. Stay strong, Amber. Put this behind you, so we can wait for pics on TMZ of a sentient Tesla attacking you. Cha-ching!


Amber Heard is tired of all the lies and slander the media has used to paint her as a gold digging whore who made up domestic violence claims against Johnny…

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Taylor Swift Is Probably Banging John Mayer AgainBy toddAugust 21, 2014
Taylor Swift Is Probably Banging John Mayer Again

 

Since Taylor Swift has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder,  she writes songs calling out all her ex-boyfriends where nothing is ever her fault even though she’s always the common denominator. Usually she’s cool with being passive aggressive, but she specifically wrote a song called “Dear John”. A song that was clearly about John Mayer. People say “Shake It Off” is about John Mayer, but I don’t know, I’ve never heard it. However, John Mayer likes vagina, so none of this really matters either way.  Anyway, they hung out last night and Taylor had her blowjob lipstick on.

OMG! Taylor Swift was spotted leaving Chateau Marmont on Aug. 20 — at the same time as her ex, John Mayer! This is the same ex that Taylor dissed in not one, but two songs, including her latest hit, ‘Shake It Off!’ Are they back together? This is a little too much to be coincidental! John Mayer, 36, and Taylor Swift were both dining at LA hotspot, Chateau Marmont. New photos have surfaced of them leaving and the 24-year-old singer looks happy, regardless of the fact that she was just at the same spot as the ex who really hurt her! Did they eat dinner together? Taylor Swift & John Mayer Back Together In the pics, John is dressed in a bright blue suit and is sporting very Johnny Depp-like glasses, while Taylor looks cute in black and her signature red lips — perfect for a date!

Are Taylor Swift and John Mayer secretly having sex? ISIS should hold Justin Bieber captive until we as Americans have some answers. I’m not really sure what this will accomplishment exactly, but if nothing else, Bieber gets his head cut off.

  Since Taylor Swift has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder,  she writes songs calling out all her ex-boyfriends where nothing is ever her fault even though she’s always the common denominator….

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Chris Pratt Went To A Children’s Hospital Dressed As Star-LordBy toddAugust 21, 2014
Chris Pratt Went To A Children’s Hospital Dressed As Star-Lord

 

The world is a pretty fucked up place right now, and instead of realizing that we’re all human beings, we’re all content to just sit back and let apathy, political affiliation,  religion, lack of/too much skin pigment, and Facebook memes continue to divide and distract us from why we’re all here in the first place.  Despite what the news and your mind might tell you, humanity is an infinite resource. Chris Pratt seems to understand that.

The actor worked with Marvel and Children’s Miracle Network Hospital to arrange a special screening of Guardians of the Galaxy for patients, families and staff at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles Wednesday. While the movie played, Pratt snuck out and dressed up as his character, Star-Lord. The 35-year-old actor spent more than three hours in full costume and handed out movie-themed toys. Pratt also visited patients in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit, the Children’s Center for Cancer and Blood Diseases and the Pediatric ICU, as they were too sick to join the movie screening that afternoon. Pratt spent extra time with one patient, Dylan Prunty, who is a longtime Lego fan and recognized the actor’s voice from The Lego Movie. They spent about 10 minutes reciting different scenes from the film. When the Guardians of the Galaxy screening ended, a costumed Pratt casually re-entered the room. The actor took hundreds of photos, handed out even more movie swag, let several children try on his gear and signed autographs for everyone. The organization later tweeted, “Thanks for making them smile!”

There’s really nothing I can add to this, so I’ll just use this as a reason to post my favorite David Bowie song which happens to be on the Guardians of The Galaxy soundtrack. Be sure to watch this video with your mom, so she’ll remember the time she got fucked up at a concert and wanted the D of a bisexual British guy in a silk dress.

 

  The world is a pretty fucked up place right now, and instead of realizing that we’re all human beings, we’re all content to just sit back and let apathy,…

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Lindsay’s Credit Card Got Declined In A ClubBy toddAugust 21, 2014
Lindsay’s Credit Card Got Declined In A Club

 

BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan attempted to pay for something.

The starlet, who is soon about to work again in a London production of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow,” was dismayed when her credit card was declined at 1Oak in Southampton on Saturday night. In a rare move, Lohan was attempting to pay the $2,500 bill for her table and bottles of vodka, when her card was rejected. A source said, “Lindsay freaked out when her card was declined. Her friends and others in her group had to chip in to cover the bill.” Bartenders and servers take note, Lohan makes her London West End debut on Sept. 24.

Either Lindsay didn’t know how much available credit she had, or she did the updated version of, “I forgot my wallet at home”. Both scenarios seem plausible. Also plausible? Weredinosaurs. Think about it.

 

  BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan attempted to pay for something. The starlet, who is soon about to work again in a London production of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow,” was dismayed when her…

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The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last NightBy toddMarch 03, 2014
The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please note that Sound Mixing and Cinematography are not listed. Mostly because I have no idea what those things are. What does mixing stuff with cinnamon have to do with a making a movie? It just makes no sense. Also, Matthew McConaughey is damn handsome man. I can admit that.

 

BEST PICTURE: 12 Years a Slave

BEST ACTOR: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

ACTRESS: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Spike Jonze, Her

  As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please…

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Muslims Hate Katy Perry NowBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people to get exercise, but then he gave them a bunch of bread. Carbs? Make up your mind, Jesus! Damn.  Also, a mountain? Nice acoustics, jackass. Anyway, like most Christians, Katy Perry likes to pull out the Christian card when it fits her needs, and she sees herself as some evolved spiritualist who embraces all faiths and religions, but mostly those people just smoke a lot of weed. But for her music video for "Dark Horse", she did a thing that pissed off Muslims. That's always a good idea.

A number of Muslim netizens around the world are upset with her music video and are insulted by a scene in which Katy was seen destroying a man with his pendant depicting the Arabic word for "Allah".  Petitions for Youtube to bring down the music video have also been issued by Muslim netizens.

A person who wasn't Muslim mentioned the word "Allah" in something, so naturally there's petitions going around to have this video removed and Katy Perry beheaded or stoned or whatever Muslims do to women who won't have sex with them. Hey, man. Try a few compliments and maybe a nice dinner. Also, make her laugh. All religions are dumb and make no sense, but one thing they all do well is wait for the chance to get offended. Religious people love that shit. They also always want you to join because if you join, that means they aren't as crazy because it sounded like a good idea to you too. But Islam? Nah, brah. I can't fuck with a religion that promises you get to bang 1,000 virgins when you get to heaven. Sorry. That sounds mad boring. I don't have time to sit down and have a talk to explain things a thousand times. If you could just bend over and let me pull your arms behind your back so I can use you as a counterweight without me having to use a logistics flow process diagram that would be ideal.

  Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people…

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There’s A Yeezus Movie Coming OutBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck, because he released the trailer for his upcoming movie Yeezus yesterday on his official site. It looks like a  concert film, but Brett Easton Ellis wrote a script for it, so there's a good chance it'll have a serial killer and a gay dude in it at some point. Also, somebody might have AIDS or be hooked on heroin and speak in run on sentences that last five pages. The last movie Ellis wrote could only cast Lindsay Lohan and a porn star, so let's try to keep our expectations low. Not sure if Kim Kardashian will be in it or not, but I imagine Kanye West in a fur coat will get more screen time than that bar that runs at the bottom of Sportscenter.

  If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck,…

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Do Not Attempt To Grab Justin Timberlake’s AssBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually assault him. You can clearly see Timberlake slap a hand away twice and give the face the hand belongs to a stare down, then he just dances away. Note: Dancing away after an attempted unwarranted sexual advance has not been shown as an effective rape prevention tool. Us here at IDLYITW suggest you contact the authorities immediately if you or someone you know is the victim of a sexual assault. But do not dance to the phone.

  Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually…

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Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are EngagedBy toddFebruary 28, 2014
Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged

 

Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along.

You are not about to be punk'd. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are engaged, E! News exclusively confirms. Kunis was spotted shopping earlier today wearing a diamond ring on that finger, and a source tells us that she and her former That '70s Show costar are indeed planning to make it official.

They've been dating for two years, so I guess this might be true or she just likes big ass diamonds. But two years is plenty of time for Kutcher to have seen her without makeup, and if you haven't seen Kunis without makeup, I suggest you get a night light and check under your bed before you go to sleep because its the stuff of goddamn nightmares. Seriously. You'd bring your pets inside if you saw a Mila Kunis without makeup in your backyard. Hopefully Sephora was mentioned in the prenup.

  Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along. You are not…

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Kendall Jenner Is Already Posing ToplessBy toddNovember 20, 2013
Kendall Jenner Is Already Posing Topless

 

Welp, that didn't take long, guys. Kendall Jenner is already posing topless. You can see the NSFW version here, or you can wait until she makes a sex tape with Jennifer Hudson's little brother or whatever the Brandy/Ray J equivalent is. Janelle Monae's little brother? To be honest, there's lots of possibilities here.

 

pic source = Instagram

  Welp, that didn't take long, guys. Kendall Jenner is already posing topless. You can see the NSFW version

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