Stacy Keibler Is Still Lying To Us, HerselfBy toddMay 22, 2014
Stacy Keibler Is Still Lying To Us, Herself

 

Oh, sweetie. No. Just no.

But someone came along who changed her mind – tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre, 39, who she started dating a few months after splitting from George Clooney last June and married in March. "When you're with the right person, everything changes," the pregnant 34-year-old told the June/July issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine, while showing off her blossoming baby bump on the cover. "Before we met, both Jared and I had told our parents we didn't think we'd ever get married or have kids," the model and former pro wrestler said. "My epiphany happened shortly after Jared and I started dating, and once we both knew, we didn't hesitate. I just knew I was ready and that there's no one else in the world I would want to do this with." In April, Us Weekly confirmed that the couple is expecting a baby girl.

In July of last year, George Clooney told Stacy Keibler over the phone to pack up her shit and move out after she decided to end things because, "She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that." Now, she's on the cover of a magazine telling everyone she's pregnant because she found "the right person". You know, the person that got her knocked up and married her less than a year after she split from Clooney. So when she says, "when you're with the right person, everything changes" she really means, "when I find a rich dude who is willing to impregnate me, I spread that shit quick, because I'm 34 and I really can't go back to wrestling" but feminism frowns on stuff like that.

  Oh, sweetie. No. Just no. But someone came along who changed her mind – tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre, 39, who she started dating a few months after splitting from…

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Ryan Gosling Basically Got Booed Out Of CannesBy toddMay 22, 2014
Ryan Gosling Basically Got Booed Out Of Cannes

 

"Hey girl, I will smolder them. I shall smolder them all."

 

Ryan Gosling's directorial debut, Lost River, dropped at Cannes this year. You can catch it on Netflix pretty soon under the title, Lost Every Single Award At Cannes.

Last year Only God Forgives, Nicholas Winding Refn's movie starring Ryan Gosling, was booed at Cannes. This year, Gosling, there with his directorial debut Lost River is not doing much better. Lost River stars Mad Men's Christina Hendricks, Agents of SHIELD's Iain De Caestecker, and Doctor Who's Matt Smith as the residents of a broken down city, and though the film drawing comparisons to Refn and David Lynch, it's not exactly receiving a swath of acclaim. Some of the initial tweets from critics were damning. Grantland's Wesley Morris unleashed this particular gut shot: "If a $200 haircut and $900 shades were given lots of money to defecate on Detroit, the result would be Ryan Gosling's directing debut." Variety's Scott Foundas said that it's "a first-rate folie de grandeur. Echoes of Argento, Korine, Lynch, Malick in a tedious allegory of Detroit as ghost town."…The Telegraph's Robbie Collin enumerated Gosling's influences. "The problem is, it’s like everything Ryan Gosling’s seen: David Lynch, Mario Bava, Nicolas Winding Refn, Terence Malick, Gaspar Noé and a splash of David Cronenberg for good measure," he wrote. "But these filmmakers’ ideas and imagery aren’t developed, they’re simply reproduced: think Wikipedia essay rather than love letter." Collin also called the movie "mouth-dryingly lousy."

Man, poor guy. This has to be tough (he reportedly skipped his own film's afterparty). I'm not sure how he'll recover from this. A good way to start would probably be to stare at himself in the mirror.

  "Hey girl, I will smolder them. I shall smolder them all."   Ryan Gosling's directorial debut, Lost River, dropped at Cannes this year. You can catch it on Netflix…

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YawnBy toddMay 22, 2014
Yawn

 

Katy Perry and Madonna did a photoshoot for V Magazine, and I really don't even know where to start. Oh, wait. Yes I do. 1.) they both have bangs 2.) Madonna is like 70 and they Photoshopped her arms  3.) Katy Perry is wearing something that covers her rack  4.) it's dumb, 5.) hasn't Madonna done this like a thousand times already? We get it. You're "sexual". Now go take your Actvia and knit a sweater, grandma. Tell Miranda Kerr to swap clothes with you on the way out.

  Katy Perry and Madonna did a photoshoot for V Magazine, and I really don't even know where to start. Oh, wait. Yes I do. 1.) they both have bangs…

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Katy Perry Is Single. Again.By toddMay 22, 2014
Katy Perry Is Single. Again.

 

About five minutes ago the Internet learned that Katy Perry was dating Diplo (an American DJ, not a type of yogurt), now they already split up because Diplo saw her boobs once and started picking out baby names.

Multiple sources tell In Touch the pair have split after a one-month courtship, and it's because the 35-year-old DJ decided to call things off. “Diplo broke up with her because she does not want to be in a serious relationship. She's doing OK and not too sad about it. They wanted different things," a friend of Katy's tells the mag. "She freaked out when he wanted to introduce her to his parents. She doesn’t want to get married again — at least not anytime soon. “She wants to date and he wanted something much more serious. It was too much, too soon."

Diplo. Dude. We've all been there, but a month? Bro. This chick just got out of a two-year relationship, and you wanted your parents to meet you two at Olive Garden for some breadsticks? C'mon now. She just wanted to show you her boobs and give it up once in a while, but you started making a remix of the Kay Jewelers jingle. Just so we're all clear, you willingly decided to stop seeing Katy Perry's boobs because Katy Perry didn't want your parents to see her face. Do your parents have to meet the chicks you jack off to while watching porn, too? What is your endgame here?

  About five minutes ago the Internet learned that Katy Perry was dating Diplo (an American DJ, not a type of yogurt), now they already split up because Diplo saw…

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Carissa Rosario Says Good Morning, LinksBy toddMay 22, 2014
Carissa Rosario Says Good Morning, Links

 

Halle Berry says her baby is sucking the life out of her [Dlisted]

Robert Pattinson doesn't want his picture taken anymore  [Fishwrapper]

Kylie Minogue panty upskirt (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Jesus Christ, Michelle Lewin  [The Superficial]

Amy Willerton does the Birth of Venus naked  [Hollywood Tuna]

Minka Kelly in skin tight jeans [Popoholic]

I would get all of these pictures pregnant  [Drunken Stepfather]

Kim Kardashian is complaining about the weather in France [Celebitchy]

Barbara Pavlin in this dress [Moe Jackson]

What if David Lynch didn't turn down Return Of The Jedi [Film Drunk]

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD  [Celebslam]

You make it real hard to get out of bed [The Chive]

Luke Perry is topless [toofab]

 

pic source = Instagram

  Halle Berry says her baby is sucking the life out of her [Dlisted] Robert Pattinson doesn't want his picture taken anymore  [Fishwrapper] Kylie Minogue panty upskirt (NSFW) [Taxi Driver…

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The Batman/Superman Movie Is Called ‘Superman V. Batman: Dawn Of Justice’By toddMay 21, 2014
The Batman/Superman Movie Is Called ‘Superman V. Batman: Dawn Of Justice’

 

Man of Steel 2 or Superman vs. Batman now has an official title: Superman V. Batman: Dawn Of Justice. Or SvB: DoJ. I don't know, man. "Dawn Of Justice" kinda sounds like a KKK propoganda film. Is Bruce Wayne even awake at dawn? This makes no sense.

  Man of Steel 2 or Superman vs. Batman now has an official title: Superman V. Batman: Dawn Of Justice. Or SvB: DoJ. I don't know, man. "Dawn Of Justice"…
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The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last NightBy toddMarch 03, 2014
The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please note that Sound Mixing and Cinematography are not listed. Mostly because I have no idea what those things are. What does mixing stuff with cinnamon have to do with a making a movie? It just makes no sense. Also, Matthew McConaughey is damn handsome man. I can admit that.

 

BEST PICTURE: 12 Years a Slave

BEST ACTOR: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

ACTRESS: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Spike Jonze, Her

  As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please…

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Muslims Hate Katy Perry NowBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people to get exercise, but then he gave them a bunch of bread. Carbs? Make up your mind, Jesus! Damn.  Also, a mountain? Nice acoustics, jackass. Anyway, like most Christians, Katy Perry likes to pull out the Christian card when it fits her needs, and she sees herself as some evolved spiritualist who embraces all faiths and religions, but mostly those people just smoke a lot of weed. But for her music video for "Dark Horse", she did a thing that pissed off Muslims. That's always a good idea.

A number of Muslim netizens around the world are upset with her music video and are insulted by a scene in which Katy was seen destroying a man with his pendant depicting the Arabic word for "Allah".  Petitions for Youtube to bring down the music video have also been issued by Muslim netizens.

A person who wasn't Muslim mentioned the word "Allah" in something, so naturally there's petitions going around to have this video removed and Katy Perry beheaded or stoned or whatever Muslims do to women who won't have sex with them. Hey, man. Try a few compliments and maybe a nice dinner. Also, make her laugh. All religions are dumb and make no sense, but one thing they all do well is wait for the chance to get offended. Religious people love that shit. They also always want you to join because if you join, that means they aren't as crazy because it sounded like a good idea to you too. But Islam? Nah, brah. I can't fuck with a religion that promises you get to bang 1,000 virgins when you get to heaven. Sorry. That sounds mad boring. I don't have time to sit down and have a talk to explain things a thousand times. If you could just bend over and let me pull your arms behind your back so I can use you as a counterweight without me having to use a logistics flow process diagram that would be ideal.

  Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people…

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There’s A Yeezus Movie Coming OutBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck, because he released the trailer for his upcoming movie Yeezus yesterday on his official site. It looks like a  concert film, but Brett Easton Ellis wrote a script for it, so there's a good chance it'll have a serial killer and a gay dude in it at some point. Also, somebody might have AIDS or be hooked on heroin and speak in run on sentences that last five pages. The last movie Ellis wrote could only cast Lindsay Lohan and a porn star, so let's try to keep our expectations low. Not sure if Kim Kardashian will be in it or not, but I imagine Kanye West in a fur coat will get more screen time than that bar that runs at the bottom of Sportscenter.

  If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck,…

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Do Not Attempt To Grab Justin Timberlake’s AssBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually assault him. You can clearly see Timberlake slap a hand away twice and give the face the hand belongs to a stare down, then he just dances away. Note: Dancing away after an attempted unwarranted sexual advance has not been shown as an effective rape prevention tool. Us here at IDLYITW suggest you contact the authorities immediately if you or someone you know is the victim of a sexual assault. But do not dance to the phone.

  Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually…

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