The only place Ciara had to wear this dress was a premiere of a Vin Diesel movie and her boyfriend’s team is currently 2-3, so obviously all that celibacy stuff they’re doing isn’t really helping. Because it’s always important to not know what your girlfriend’s like in bed before you make sign a contract that says you’ll stay with her until you die or she gets half your money. Not sure who thought of that, but he’s really onto something.
Ariana Grande has a new album coming out, and I guess it’s gonna be a lesson in capitalism, because America hates her. But America generally hates anything that’s brown that doesn’t wear a flag pin or doesn’t believe Jesus was a fan of the free market. Either way, I’m sure it will sell more than Nick Jonas’ last album, because even though Ariana is brown, at least she’s not gay. God hated gay people so much he forgot to put it in the Ten Commandments.
She tried the sex tape, that didn’t work. So there’s isn’t much Courtney Stodden can do now to make people remember who she is besides sucking off a horse on stage at the next Presidential debate, so she has to call the paparazzi to take pictures of her buying a pregnancy test. Of course she’s not really pregnant, because if she was, her husband’s dick would have had a GoPro on it and we would have seen it on Vimeo by now.