Here’s Taylor Swift leaving her apartment in NYC yesterday surrounded by the Swift Secret Service, because if someone looks her in the eye while she walks among the commoners, she’ll have witnesses to testify during her eventual lawsuit. Tom Hiddleston is, I assume, in Australia, where he’s filming Thor: Unwanted Sequel and adding special instructions to his living will.
Amber Heard is tired of all the lies and slander the media has used to paint her as a gold digging whore who made up domestic violence claims against Johnny Depp in order to reap an untold fortune, and her lawyers have told us repeatedly that she’s been ready to “set the record straight” by sitting down for a deposition. A deposition that rescheduled once for a costume fitting. A deposition she rescheduled another time for her friend’s engagement party. A deposition that she showed up 90 minutes to on Saturday while getting dressed on the way in.
Actress Amber Heard showed up 90 minutes late — with greasy hair and her shirt sleeves unbuttoned — for a Saturday morning deposition with Johnny Depp’s lawyers….Depositions can be a grueling face-off lasting hours, but video showed Heard looking barely prepared as she buttoned her sleeves and tucked in her shirt while waiting for an elevator to the attorney’s office.
In her defense, Elon Musk has more money, so you can see how this whole deposition thing would be boring to her now. Stay strong, Amber. Put this behind you, so we can wait for pics on TMZ of a sentient Tesla attacking you. Cha-ching!
Tom Hiddleston got an Emmy nomination for The Night Manager, but Taylor Swift needs to find a way to make it about her, so she is pressuring him to propose before September awards ceremony for the most Taylor Swift reason possible. Star (via Cele|bitchy ) reports:
As Taylor Swift’s picture-perfect world lies in shambles, thanks to Kanye West’s secret recording, Swift is clinging to the one person sticking by her side: Tom Hiddleston. “Taylor and Tom talk about spending the rest of their lives together,” shares a pal, “but if he’s serious about settling down then he needs to propose.” Hiddleston is no stranger to Taylor’s demands. Per reports, Tom flew all the way out to LA to console the singer after she failed to score a single VMA nomination. “Tom was hoping to buy some time, but it sounds like Taylor wants to announce their engagement soon,” says the source, who suspects the pop star has set her sights on the 2016 Emmy Awards in September. “Taylor will want all eyes on them, and what better way than to walk down the red carpet with a rock on her ring finger.”
It doesn’t matter if this is true or not, it just matters if it sounds true. Which it does. Taylor Swift suing a photographer who takes a pic of the ring at the wrong angle will also sound true. Tom Hiddleston shooting himself in the head in the middle of a field will also sound true. Or that’s what Taylor Swift’s PR team will have you believe. Wake up, sheeple.
[ Banner pic = Instagram ]
I don’t know if Holly Madison is being used by the Cincinnati Zoo to replace Harambe (#RIP) or if Khloe Kardashian paid her to be a surrogate, because goddamn. Her husband is probably telling everybody this is Photoshop. I’ve never seen a chick this pregnant. She better have whatever’s inside her soon or the Duggars will start worshipping her and offering her blood sacrifices.
Sup. It’s the Weekend Dump. We like these. So here’s Jessica Lowndes with the most pretend unintentional thirst trap on Instagram this weekend, Cara Delevingne realizing she’s getting a Razzie, Ariel Winter thinking she found goos selfie light, and a 50 Cent and Vern Troyer picture. The last one might be the greatest thing you see all day.
Welp, that didn't take long, guys. Kendall Jenner is already posing topless. You can see the NSFW version here, or you can wait until she makes a sex tape with Jennifer Hudson's little brother or whatever the Brandy/Ray J equivalent is. Janelle Monae's little brother? To be honest, there's lots of possibilities here.
pic source = Instagram
Because he's a true gangsta and genius, Kanye West debuted his music video for "Bound 2" on a show watched by white housewives, The Ellen DeGeneres Show. The video looks like it was shot for $50, but it looks even more cheap because Kanye bangs his favorite accessory on a stationary motorcycle in front of a green screen. Trul groundbreaking stuff here.
"They let me adopt these dogs after my last one burned to death under my bed. They don't look scared at all!" – Ashley Greene
Even though the fire that burned down her condo and killed one of her dogs was ruled accidental (lots of candles are apparently an accidental fire hazard), Ashley Greene has money and is famous, so the doorman (and four other residents) is now suing her because he happened to breathe in smoke. Poor guy. He should be completely financially compensated for having to endure a known hazard of his job. TMZ reports:
Ashley Greene is being sued over the fire she started in her West Hollywood apartment that killed her dog and injured the man who helped rescue fleeing residents. Adrian Mayorga just filed a lawsuit against the "Twilight" star — obtained by TMZ — in which he claims he was hurt while running through the smoke-filled hallways, while yelling and screaming for residents to flee. The doorman claims he suffered exhaustion, dehydration and smoke inhalation and ended up in the hospital. Four residents in neighboring units have also sued, claiming the fire wreaked havoc on them with soot and water damage. The fire started when a candle in Ashley's unit set the sofa ablaze, killing her Fox Terrier, Marlo. A second dog survived.
Although she could stand doing a thousand lunges and squats a day, Ashley Greene is hot, so this lawsuit should be thrown out on general principle. Does the doorman even have leaked naked pics that are easily available by a simple Google search? No? Then why are we even having this conversation? *Googles "Ashley Greene naked"*
Justin Bieber is still living in the gated Calabasas neighborhood, and for some reason, his neighbors haven't burned his house down and carried his severed head on a pike down in the street in a parade yet. Mostly because Bieber is a unrepentant jackass who thinks laws do not apply to him. Like this weekend. TMZ reports:
Justin hosted a wild shindig at his Calabasas home for approximately 100 people including Snoop Lion. Apparently the noise was too much for some of the residents and cops were called at around 1 am. We're told the L.A. County Sheriff's Deputies spoke to someone inside, told them to keep the noise down and left. The noise didn't stop. At around 3 am Justin's next door neighbor — the guy who Justin allegedly spit on during a prior altercation — called again and deputies came out a second time. The neighbor tells TMZ cops told him they smelled marijuana inside but left without arresting anyone. At 5:30 am the neighbor couldn't take it anymore … deputies came out a third time and he filed a police report against Justin for disturbing the peace. The cops will write a full report and then decide whether to send it on the L.A. County DA for possible prosecution.
If any of Bieber's neighbors are reading this, ummm, what's the hold up? Just put some hookers and some Bud Light Platinum in his front yard. Then wait. Just fyi, the aorta runs the entire length of the torso.
pic source = Instagram
Taylor Swift seemed like an odd choice to perform at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, because she was surrounded by a bunch of women who can keep a boyfriend and don't need suspenders to wear a thong. As it turns out, VS model Jessica Hart thought so too. WWD reports:
Jessica Hart had just arrived from walking the show. “It’s just 100 percent fun. Yes, there’s a little bit of nerves but that just pumps your adrenaline,” she said. She was asked about Swift. Could she pull it off as a Victoria’s Secret model? “No.” Hart was making time until she shimmied to the dance floor. “I think, you know what, god bless her heart. I think she’s great,” she said. “But, I don’t know, to me, she didn’t fit. I don’t know if I should say that. I think what you find is that for a lot of us, we’ve been working for 14, 15 years; what it takes to make it here comes from experience and confidence and knowing how to be confident with yourself. I think it comes with age. It’s definitely the benchmark of all jobs.”
Taylor Swift is 22 and Jessica Hart is 27, and they both started at 14, so I have no idea what Jessica Hart is saying here. But Jessica has bigger boobs so I automatically agree with her. You're right, Jessica. Excellent points. Yes, yes, interesting. Is that so? Really? Wow, I didn't know that. Amazing.