Sofia Vergara Is Getting The Hang Of TwitterBy toddOctober 21, 2011

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Have ever been sitting around and thought to yourself, “Man, you know who I’d like to fuck right now? A 39-year old single mom with a 19-year old son.” You haven’t? Oh, sorry. You have now.

Have ever been sitting around and thought to yourself, “Man, you know who I’d like to fuck right now? A 39-year old single mom with a 19-year old son.” You…

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Dina Lohan Is Shopping A Tell-All Book About LindsayBy toddOctober 21, 2011

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Since she’s been a constant enabler with the parenting skills of a Teen Mom possessed by a demon with a learning disability, Dina Lohan can no longer choose to look the other way and count money while her daughter spirals closer and closer to an early grave. She got to make shit happen, baby! Her hair isn’t gonna color itself, you know. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s mom is trying to expose her own daughter’s dark secrets, blowing the lid off of Lindsay’s alleged drug and alcohol use in a memoir that she’s shopping around town — shopping it as recently as 2 weeks ago — as Lindsay was looking down the barrel of a hostile judge and a jail sentence. TMZ has obtained the draft of a prologue for Dina Lohan’s memoir, which Dina’s rep is shopping to people in the literary world. In the prologue, Dina writes: “I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay’s way of daily living–and it tore me up inside.” Dina explains why she moved Lindsay from New York to L.A. at such a young age: “How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.” When Lindsay began acting crazy, accumulating mugshots and what not, Dina says she was helpless, claiming she couldn’t demand that Lindsay return to New York. Dina also confesses she was conflicted since she was both Lindsay’s parent and manager. Dina and her rep were soliciting meetings via email two weeks ago, to brainstorm how to make her book “a best seller.” Our sources say a ghost writer actually wrote the prologue after long sit-downs with Dina and her rep, and both were solidly on board.

It really is hard to feel sorry for a 25-year old adult who has been given chance after chance, but when you look at Lindsay’s parents, you realize this is exactly how she was gonna end up. The fact that her IMDB credits don’t include “Ass Assassin 34” or “Ginger Bukkakke Gangbang Party 2: Red, White, & Blue” by now is probably the only rainbow wrapped around this story.

Since she’s been a constant enabler with the parenting skills of a Teen Mom possessed by a demon with a learning disability, Dina Lohan can no longer choose to look…

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John Travolta Tried To Make A Reservation At KFCBy toddOctober 21, 2011

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It’s late, you haven’t made dinner plans. You’re craving the Colonel’s blend of 11 herbs and spices, but you don’t want to have to sit at the bar and wait for a table to clear, so you call ahead to see if somebody canceled their reservation. We’ve all been there. The Sun reports:

HOLLYWOOD star John Travolta wanted to book a table at a British KFC restaurant — and was turned down. An aide of the 57-year-old Pulp Fiction actor phoned to make the request at East Grinstead, West Sussex. But a worker who answered said it was not company policy to allow bookings and Travolta would “just have to join the queue”. He was in the town last weekend for a Scientology bash at nearby Saint Hill Manor. A KFC spokesman said last night: “In hindsight, of course, we would have reserved a table for him.”

Everybody in this story is aware that KFC has a speaker out front a guy named T’wan inside right now putting chicken under a heat lamp, right? And everybody knows U’Nique is in the back telling the manager not to be talkin’ to her like that. She can’t help her baby be sick. Oh, hell naw uh uh. Everyone understands this, right? And everybody see Carlos? The guy carrying the mop and the wet floor sign? That’s not the maître d’ either. None of them mind if YOU JUST WALK THE FUCK IN.

It’s late, you haven’t made dinner plans. You’re craving the Colonel’s blend of 11 herbs and spices, but you don’t want to have to sit at the bar and wait…

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Everyone Hates Lindsay LohanBy jessOctober 21, 2011

Even people who don’t matter don’t want to be associated with Lindsay Lohan. Page Six reports:

Lindsay Lohan spent last weekend pursuing the lead singer of Foster the People. On Saturday, LiLo followed the hip band to West Hollywood’s Beverly Lounge, was seen lurking around frontman Mark Foster and tried to crash the band’s table. A spy said, “Mark turned his back every time Lindsay came to the table to talk. He did not want to be associated with her.” The band did mingle with celebs including Nicky Hilton, Michael Bay and Dane Cook.

To reiterate, Foster the People–who are just barely semi-famous because they sound like your parents’ interpretation of Williamsburg, Brooklyn–would rather be associated with Kenny G, Paris Hilton’s (more…)

Even people who don’t matter don’t want to be associated with Lindsay Lohan. Page Six reports: Lindsay Lohan spent last weekend pursuing the lead singer of Foster the People. On…

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Ashlink GreeneBy jessOctober 20, 2011

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Shia LeBeouf wanted to pull a knife on the guy who beat his ass.[The Superficial]
Todd’s girlfriend thinks she’s Brad Pitt’s girlfriend. [The Blemish]
Kellan Lutz loves his gay fans. Didn’t know he had any other kind. [PopBytes]
J-Woww has a confusing Halloween costume. [Egotastic]
Joey Lawrence is almost still relevant. [Best Week Ever]
Amanda Seyfried has four puppies [Popoholic]
This whole “Ali Lohan” is a model thing wasn’t just a threat apparently [Cele|bitchy]
Jon Bon Jovi opened a restaurant where customers don’t have to pay [I’m Not Obsessed]
Lindsay Lohan has five mugshots. FIVE. [Allie Is Wired]
Eva Longoria attended some Mexican thing [Tabloid Prodigy]
Jessica Simpson wants $500K to announce her pregnancy. Or cheese fries. [A Socialite’s Life]
Miranda Kerr is topless [Drunken Stepfather]
Sofia Vergara tweeted her boobs [Hollywood Tuna]
Layla Kayleigh laughs in the face of breast cancer [MoeJackson]

Shia LeBeouf wanted to pull a knife on the guy who beat his ass.[The Superficial] Todd’s girlfriend thinks she’s Brad Pitt’s girlfriend. [The Blemish] Kellan Lutz loves his gay fans….

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Miranda Kerr Unveiled A TreasureBy toddOctober 20, 2011

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Look, I love tits as much as anyone (actually more because my mother breastfed me until I was four. Overshare? She was a hippie, what are you gonna do?), but only a woman would think that bags of fat with nipples on them are so perfect that they need to be covered in diamonds. With that being said, here’s Miranda Kerr unveiling Victoria’s Secret $3.2 million, 142-carat Fantasy Treasure bra in New York on Tuesday. And girl’s get upset when I put a bowtie on my dick. I can’t help if my penis is refined.

Look, I love tits as much as anyone (actually more because my mother breastfed me until I was four. Overshare? She was a hippie, what are you gonna do?), but…

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Michael Lohan: “She’s Smoking Either Crack Or Meth”By toddOctober 20, 2011

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Always ready to insert himself into anything dealing with his daughter by appearing in interviews for rent money, Michael Lohan was on Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell on HLN yesterday where he explained Lindsay Lohan probably needs more than a Crest Whitestrip. Radar Online reports:

“That’s from smoking a pipe with meth or crack,” Michael said about Lindsay’s brown teeth. When Velez-Mitchell asked him to clarify what he meant he point blank said his daughter is abusing illegal drugs. “She’s smoking either crack or meth, one or the other. I’m not going to shade it.” As RadarOnline.com exclusively reported, Lindsay skipped her court ordered shoplifting awareness class to have emergency dental surgery to fix her rotting teeth on October 14, just two days after appearing on the red carpet with her gnarly grill. “If you’re talking about prescription medication it would affect all your teeth, not just your two front teeth,” Michael said about his daughter’s dental issues. “You can’t dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus.”

You know, unless Jesus is a Mexican guy with crack or meth. Sorry to bring the room down by dissecting your analogy.

Always ready to insert himself into anything dealing with his daughter by appearing in interviews for rent money, Michael Lohan was on Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell on HLN yesterday where…

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Moammar Gadhafi Is Dead. Or Captured. Or Neither Of Those.By toddOctober 20, 2011

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UPDATE: Yep. That looks dead to me.

Yeah, so apparently this is happening. MSNBC reports:

Deposed Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi died of wounds suffered in his capture near his hometown of Sirte on Thursday, according to a senior National Transitional Council military official and a government minister. The military official, Abdel Majid Mlegta, had told Reuters earlier that Gadhafi was captured and wounded in both legs at dawn on Thursday as he tried to flee in a convoy which NATO warplanes had attacked. “He was also hit in his head,” said Mlegta. “There was a lot of firing against his group and he died.” Rebels also said they had captured Gadhafi’s son, Mo’tassim, alive in Sirte, Arab news channels Al Jazeera TV and Al-Arabiya reported. Asked if there was photographic evidence to prove that Gadhafi was dead, Mlegta said: “We have the footage but it is not available now.”

Totally. I know exactly what Abdel Majid Mlegta is talking about. I have the footage of me banging Marisa Miller while beating a bear in arm wrestling but it’s not available right now. Sorry.

Pic source = TMZ

UPDATE: Yep. That looks dead to me. Yeah, so apparently this is happening. MSNBC reports: Deposed Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi died of wounds suffered in his capture near his hometown…
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This Doesn’t Look That Fulfilling EitherBy toddOctober 19, 2011

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Judge Stephanie Sautner completely annihilated Lindsay Lohan and her lawyer, Shawn Holley, in court today. Then she revoked Lindsay’s probation, set bail at $100,000, and made her be lead away in handcuffs even though Holley brought a bail bondsman to court. I want to have Sautner’s babies. TMZ reports:

In a blistering hearing, Judge Stephanie Sautner revoked Lindsay Lohan’s probation, had her cuffed and set a hearing for November 2, when Lindsay could end up getting as much as a year-and-a-half in jail. Judge Sautner said Lindsay was completely responsible for being thrown out of the Downtown Women’s Center, where the judge told her she must complete probation. The judge concluded Lindsay violated her probation, scoffing time after time, incredulously reading from the Probation Report — the section where Lindsay told the Probation officer she didn’t find the Woman’s Center “fulfilling.” The judge dismissed Shawn Holley’s argument that Lidnsay had to leave town to work, and that’s why she missed a number of community service appointments, saying, “She’s supposed to be an actress, from what I hear.” The judge could barely contain her contempt for the Probation Dept., which gave Lindsay a glowing report. Judge Sautner said the Probation Dept. had no authority to send Lindsay to the Red Cross to do her community service and said Lindsay would not get credit for the time she served there. Before Lindsay was taken away in cuffs, the judge said Lindsay must complete 16 hours at the morgue before the November 2 hearing. Although Lindsay could get sentenced to nearly a year and a half in jail, a frustrated Judge Sautner noted new laws and overcrowding would make such a sentence unlikely.

Anybody have a cigarette?

Judge Stephanie Sautner completely annihilated Lindsay Lohan and her lawyer, Shawn Holley, in court today. Then she revoked Lindsay’s probation, set bail at $100,000, and made her be lead away…

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