The Dark Knight Rises Has A Teaser TrailerBy toddJuly 18, 2011


UPDATE: See the HD version here.

If you’re unlike me, you went to see the 20th Harry Potter movie this weekend and saw the teaser trailer to Christopher Nolan’s final Batman film, The Dark Knight Rises. This of course was filmed inside a theater, so the quality looks pretty bad. But so do Gary Oldman and Gotham City. Warner Bros. really needs to do something about this.

Note: The “official version” of this trailer is set to be released later today. With “official” meaning you’ll be able to see shit.

UPDATE: See the HD version here. If you’re unlike me, you went to see the 20th Harry Potter movie this weekend and saw the teaser trailer to Christopher Nolan’s final…

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Jonah Hill Lost 40 PoundsBy toddJuly 15, 2011

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Jonah Hill showed up to the ESPYS on Wednesday night looking almost completely unrecognizable as the fat belligerent guy he always plays. I would congratulate him, but he’s just another tragic victim succumbing to the Hollywood ideal of beauty. He was never fat, he was just always photographed at the wrong angle and didn’t dress in clothes to fit his shape. Women like real men with curves, not thin men who have the hips of a 10-year old boy. Who does Hollywood think women are? Pedos? Isn’t that right, ladies? I mean, I don’t want to speak for you.

Jonah Hill showed up to the ESPYS on Wednesday night looking almost completely unrecognizable as the fat belligerent guy he always plays. I would congratulate him, but he’s just another…

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Jennifer Love Hewitt Is An Exquisite BeautyBy toddJuly 15, 2011

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As you look at these pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt in Studio City yesterday where she’s apparently fighting a zombie bite infection, please keep in mind that she has written a self-help book to offer women practical dating advice and she has three engagement rings that her imaginary fiance can choose from if he ever asks her to marry him. Oh, and she’s currently single. Pretty hard to believe, huh? You wouldn’t expect that.

As you look at these pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt in Studio City yesterday where she’s apparently fighting a zombie bite infection, please keep in mind that she has written…

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Casey Anthony Is Being Sued For $100KBy toddJuly 15, 2011

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Apparently when you play hide and go seek you shouldn’t hide a dead body then make a professional mounted search and recovery team try to find it. Turns out they’ll sue you. NYDN reports:

The 25-year-old Anthony was served behind bars with a lawsuit demanding the return of $100,000 spent on a massive 2008 manhunt for her slain daughter Caylee. The non-profit group Texas EquuSearch filed the suit Wednesday, charging Anthony duped them into conducting the fruitless hunt despite knowing the 2-year-old was already dead. “Casey Anthony knew that her apparent ‘cooperation’ with the massive searches coordinated by TES created an appearance that she was a victim of law enforcement’s unjust investigation and that she was a concerned mother seeking her missing child’s return,” the suit said.

That sounds great until you realize she’ll never pay a dime even if she loses the suit. Ask Ron Goldman’s family how their civil suit worked out. If I was Texas EquuSearch, I’d pour gasoline on her and see if she could make it to the swamp before I set her on fire. If she does, good job. If she doesn’t, everybody else in the hot body contest will definitely be playing for second. Because she’d be on fire, you see.

Apparently when you play hide and go seek you shouldn’t hide a dead body then make a professional mounted search and recovery team try to find it. Turns out they’ll…

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Alison Brie And Gillian Jacobs Are Sadomasochist Lesbians For GQBy toddJuly 14, 2011

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Keeping with the theme today of shows I don’t watch, I don’t watch Community. Because when Joel McHale does something, I usually don’t have time to watch it when it first comes out, so I have to wait until Daniel Tosh does the remake. Like he did with The Soup.0. Great show. Anyway, Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs are on Community and they pretended to be lesbians who like spankings for GQ. But will they like my lemon cookies? They’ve won several awards and I think I might take home the blue ribbon at the State Fair this year. My grandmother and several of her friends enjoy them very much.

Keeping with the theme today of shows I don’t watch, I don’t watch Community. Because when Joel McHale does something, I usually don’t have time to watch it when it…

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Lindsay Is Completely Delusional, Drunk, Thought She Should Have Been in Black SwanBy toddJuly 14, 2011

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Plum Miami Magazine paid Lindsay Lohan to do a photoshoot and an accompanying interview with writer Jacquelynn Powers. I don’t think they have internet in their office because they didn’t know that Lindsay is a complete fuck up and manipulative drug addict with no perspective or understanding of anything around her. Us Magazine reports:

Lindsay being Lindsay:

“As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, ‘Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan,'” Powers recalls. “And it was done.”

Lindsay talked about her sobriety. Over drinks:

Noting that Lohan drank wine while discussing her sobriety, Powers says the Mean Girls star was “constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister…or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels.”

Lindsay took a ballet class, so she doesn’t understand why she didn’t get Natalie Portman’s part in Black Swan:

Frustrated with the state of her career, Lohan said she “took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan,” Powers adds.

Lindsay couldn’t let being paid for an interview and a photoshoot ruin her fun. She was in Miami, bitch!:

Though Lohan abruptly canceled the interview, that didn’t stop her from making the most out of her time in Miami. “Monday morning was supposed to be check-out time, but Lindsay and her posse refused to leave,” Powers writes. “It was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours — not pretty

You really didn’t think Lindsay expected somebody other than Plum to pay for everything did you?:

The most annoying part, Powers tells Gawker, is that “Plum covered all Lindsay’s expenses, including airfare for her and her family/entourage, lodging at the iconic Raleigh hotel in the penthouse suite and all transportation costs.”

Is it legal to drown this bitch in a fountain yet? It has to be right? And can I choke her and scream, “DIE BITCH! WHY DON’T YOU DIE??!!” while I do it? I mean, I don’t have to say those exact words. That’s a first draft really. I like to improvise and not marry myself to a specific script.

Plum Miami Magazine paid Lindsay Lohan to do a photoshoot and an accompanying interview with writer Jacquelynn Powers. I don’t think they have internet in their office because they didn’t…

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I Blame The KidBy toddJuly 14, 2011



After writing about Kelly Brook for five years, I know if I see pics labeled with the words “Kelly Brook” and “bikini”, I expect them to be the best pics I post all day. Obviously, our time has come to an end. Because I thought God was doing us a favor with the miscarriage, but apparently God is an asshole and she didn’t even get to have the baby without it completely ruining her insane body. Why does God play these tricks? Just like he did with Abraham. “Hey @abraham2000BC, I need you to blindfold and stab your kid for me. LOL, jk! #swag”, God tweeted in the Bible.

After writing about Kelly Brook for five years, I know if I see pics labeled with the words “Kelly Brook” and “bikini”, I expect them to be the best pics…

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Jennifer Aniston Is Already “Suffocating” Justin TherouxBy toddJuly 13, 2011

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Man, that didn’t take long. I think she just broke her own record. Star Magazine reports:

Justin reaches out to ex Heidi Bivens after hearing she was spotted with another man — is Jen destined for another heartbreak? Jennifer Aniston‘s latest romance with actor and write Justin Theroux may be over almost as quickly as it started — he is already seeing his ex Heidi Bivens again! Star reports, “Justin and Heidi secretly met on Father’s Day, and Justin spent most of their time together apologizing for acting like a cad.” Uh-oh Jen! One person who may not be surprised by Justin’s devious ways is Jen’s best friend Courteney Cox, who apparently warned her pal about her new man. “Courteney has begged Jen to dump Justin,” a friend tells the magazine. Courteney may be right too! “[Justin’s] already complaining how Jen is suffocating him, so suddenly he’s wondering if he broke up with Heidi too quickly.”

Jennifer Aniston is notoriously clingy and desperate, so of course this was gonna happen eventually. In Jennifer’s defense, if men don’t want to be forced to help pick out a reception menu while they wait in the car when she’s walking the red carpet, then when exactly is a good time? Huh?! The world doesn’t revolve around you, sir.

Man, that didn’t take long. I think she just broke her own record. Star Magazine reports: Justin reaches out to ex Heidi Bivens after hearing she was spotted with another…

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