The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last NightBy toddMarch 03, 2014
The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please note that Sound Mixing and Cinematography are not listed. Mostly because I have no idea what those things are. What does mixing stuff with cinnamon have to do with a making a movie? It just makes no sense. Also, Matthew McConaughey is damn handsome man. I can admit that.

 

BEST PICTURE: 12 Years a Slave

BEST ACTOR: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

ACTRESS: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Spike Jonze, Her

  As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please…

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Muslims Hate Katy Perry NowBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people to get exercise, but then he gave them a bunch of bread. Carbs? Make up your mind, Jesus! Damn.  Also, a mountain? Nice acoustics, jackass. Anyway, like most Christians, Katy Perry likes to pull out the Christian card when it fits her needs, and she sees herself as some evolved spiritualist who embraces all faiths and religions, but mostly those people just smoke a lot of weed. But for her music video for "Dark Horse", she did a thing that pissed off Muslims. That's always a good idea.

A number of Muslim netizens around the world are upset with her music video and are insulted by a scene in which Katy was seen destroying a man with his pendant depicting the Arabic word for "Allah".  Petitions for Youtube to bring down the music video have also been issued by Muslim netizens.

A person who wasn't Muslim mentioned the word "Allah" in something, so naturally there's petitions going around to have this video removed and Katy Perry beheaded or stoned or whatever Muslims do to women who won't have sex with them. Hey, man. Try a few compliments and maybe a nice dinner. Also, make her laugh. All religions are dumb and make no sense, but one thing they all do well is wait for the chance to get offended. Religious people love that shit. They also always want you to join because if you join, that means they aren't as crazy because it sounded like a good idea to you too. But Islam? Nah, brah. I can't fuck with a religion that promises you get to bang 1,000 virgins when you get to heaven. Sorry. That sounds mad boring. I don't have time to sit down and have a talk to explain things a thousand times. If you could just bend over and let me pull your arms behind your back so I can use you as a counterweight without me having to use a logistics flow process diagram that would be ideal.

  Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people…

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There’s A Yeezus Movie Coming OutBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck, because he released the trailer for his upcoming movie Yeezus yesterday on his official site. It looks like a  concert film, but Brett Easton Ellis wrote a script for it, so there's a good chance it'll have a serial killer and a gay dude in it at some point. Also, somebody might have AIDS or be hooked on heroin and speak in run on sentences that last five pages. The last movie Ellis wrote could only cast Lindsay Lohan and a porn star, so let's try to keep our expectations low. Not sure if Kim Kardashian will be in it or not, but I imagine Kanye West in a fur coat will get more screen time than that bar that runs at the bottom of Sportscenter.

  If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck,…

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Do Not Attempt To Grab Justin Timberlake’s AssBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually assault him. You can clearly see Timberlake slap a hand away twice and give the face the hand belongs to a stare down, then he just dances away. Note: Dancing away after an attempted unwarranted sexual advance has not been shown as an effective rape prevention tool. Us here at IDLYITW suggest you contact the authorities immediately if you or someone you know is the victim of a sexual assault. But do not dance to the phone.

  Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually…

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Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are EngagedBy toddFebruary 28, 2014
Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged

 

Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along.

You are not about to be punk'd. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are engaged, E! News exclusively confirms. Kunis was spotted shopping earlier today wearing a diamond ring on that finger, and a source tells us that she and her former That '70s Show costar are indeed planning to make it official.

They've been dating for two years, so I guess this might be true or she just likes big ass diamonds. But two years is plenty of time for Kutcher to have seen her without makeup, and if you haven't seen Kunis without makeup, I suggest you get a night light and check under your bed before you go to sleep because its the stuff of goddamn nightmares. Seriously. You'd bring your pets inside if you saw a Mila Kunis without makeup in your backyard. Hopefully Sephora was mentioned in the prenup.

  Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along. You are not…

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Jessica Alba Needs A New MirrorBy toddOctober 07, 2010

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Jessica Alba was interviewed in this month’s British GQ magazine, and this might me too much information, but I might be hard. Splash reports:

Hollywood actress Jessica Alba said she believes every other actress out there is prettier than she is. The 29-year-old star admitted she is not confident in the way she looks and said she doesn’t understand why she’s a sex symbol. She said to British GQ magazine: “I don’t get it. Every actress out there is more beautiful than me.”She added: “Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, Beyonce, you name it. All better-looking than me. I’ve seen them without make-up, so I know.”

There’s nothing, and I repeat nothing, better than a hot chick with the self-esteem of a wheelchair athlete with lupus and third-degree burns, so Jessica Alba can keep on believing this for the rest of her life. I thought I would have to kidnap her loved ones, but apparently all I have to do to bang her is tell her she doesn’t look fat in her dress and my balls will get drained like my iPhone’s battery. What’s up with that, Steve Jobs? I shouldn’t need a monkey running on a treadmill to play Bejeweled, you jackass.

Jessica Alba was interviewed in this month’s British GQ magazine, and this might me too much information, but I might be hard. Splash reports: Hollywood actress Jessica Alba said she…

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FHM Australia Is A Good MagazineBy toddOctober 07, 2010

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I have no idea why Kelly Brook isn’t on the cover of every magazine ever made. Her body looks like it was created in some underground lair. She could be on the cover of Child Rapist Weekly and I’d buy at least three copies.

You can check out pics of Kelly Brook and more covergirls at FHM.com.

I have no idea why Kelly Brook isn’t on the cover of every magazine ever made. Her body looks like it was created in some underground lair. She could be…

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He Hasn’t Found His Dad’s HGHBy toddOctober 05, 2010

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Patrick Schwarzenegger was leaving a yoga studio in LA yesterday, and unless he’s chewing Winstrol, it doesn’t look like he found his dad’s bunker of steroids. In related news, people ask me why I do yoga fives times week. I don’t know if you can tell in these pictures or not, but it’s really good for the skin.

Patrick Schwarzenegger was leaving a yoga studio in LA yesterday, and unless he’s chewing Winstrol, it doesn’t look like he found his dad’s bunker of steroids. In related news, people…

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Rosie Jones Says Good MorningBy toddOctober 05, 2010

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I just realized that Jennifer Aniston has been the top post all night and that Rosie Jones hasn’t. So, voila! Here’s Rosie Jones! I’m like a magician!


CLICK THE BANNER PIC TO SEE ALL THE NSFW WONDERS!

I just realized that Jennifer Aniston has been the top post all night and that Rosie Jones hasn’t. So, voila! Here’s Rosie Jones! I’m like a magician! CLICK THE BANNER…

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Danielle Radcliffe Is Sad. For Gays.By toddOctober 04, 2010

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Apparently some gay dudes killed themselves because of something or another, but since completely random people don’t commit suicide everyday, Harry Potter actor Danielle Radcliffe has taken the time to make sure you feel guilty. MTV News reports:

When Tyler Clementi leapt from a bridge after his roommate posted a video of his tryst with another man online, and 13-year-old Seth Walsh hung himself after enduring relentless anti-gay taunts, their actions not only resulted in tragic deaths, they helped to serve as a wake-up call that LGBT discrimination, especially among young people, is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. “Learning about the suicide deaths of Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Asher Walker, Billy Lucas and Justin Aaberg has been heartbreaking for me. These young people were bullied and tormented by people that should have been their friends,” Radcliffe said. “We have a responsibility to be better to each other, and accept each others’ differences regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, race, ability, or religion and stand up for someone when they’re bullied.”Radcliffe also urged people to reach out if they believe a pal may be considering suicide. “When a friend is feeling depressed or says they’re thinking of killing themselves, we must take it seriously and get them help,” Radcliffe continued, before directing young people to the website of the Trevor Project, an organization he has championed that provides support for LGBT youth and runs a 24-hour crisis-prevention hotline.

Look, I get some guys killed themselves. But just because they’re gay doesn’t mean it’s more tragic than the thousand other people who kill themselves. And if you kill yourself because some big meanie calls you bad names, you’re not necessarily a victim, you’re just kind of a pussy. If you’re gay, be gay. I hate to break this to you, but if you are, ignorant people like me will make fun of you. It happens. I mean it could be worse. Somebody took a picture of me one time in a silk Member’s Only jacket and I didn’t need a candlelight vigil.

Apparently some gay dudes killed themselves because of something or another, but since completely random people don’t commit suicide everyday, Harry Potter actor Danielle Radcliffe has taken the time to…

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