Britney Is Trying To Sue The Chick Who Banged Her BoyfriendBy toddSeptember 10, 2014
Britney Is Trying To Sue The Chick Who Banged Her Boyfriend

 

“Nah, bitch.”

 

You already know that Britney Spears‘ boyfriend David Lucado cheated on her. And you probably might know that he cheated on her with some busted ass Asian porn star named Cali Lee who looks like a nail tech. Now we find out that Britney’s anger is misguided.

Britney’s legal team sent a nasty letter to Cali Lee … warning her that Brit’s former BF David Lucado signed a confidentiality agreement with Britney, and anything he told Cali during their affair must be kept secret. Here’s the thing … it’s BS. Cali is NOT bound by some confidentiality agreement David signed. Period. And Cali’s lawyer has told his client she can say what she wants. In the letter, obtained by TMZ, the lawyer writes, “Rest assured that our client has the resources and the resolve to pursue this matter no matter what the financial cost or outlay in time.”

Yeah, so David Lucado signed the confidentiality agreement. Love You Long Time didn’t, so unless she hires someone to write a tell-all book that contains information that only Lucado would know, then she can only go after him. Britney’s lawyers know that, but they’ll gladly take her money anyway, because Britney is gullible and kinda dumb. She’s basically Forrest Gump if Forrest Gump used to have a really, really nice ass.

  “Nah, bitch.”   You already know that Britney Spears‘ boyfriend David Lucado cheated on her. And you probably might know that he cheated on her with some busted ass…

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Miley Cyrus Is Naked For VBy toddAugust 29, 2014
Miley Cyrus Is Naked For V

 

To raise awareness for teen homelessness, Miley Cyrus is naked in the upcoming issue of V Magazine. No, sorry. That’s incorrect. She’s not naked for that reason. She’s naked for another reason. Unclear what that reason might be, because she’s unattractive.

 

Miley Cyrus V Magazine

  To raise awareness for teen homelessness, Miley Cyrus is naked in the upcoming issue of V Magazine. No, sorry. That’s incorrect. She’s not naked for that reason. She’s naked…

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Anastasia Ashley Is Here For YouBy toddAugust 29, 2014
Anastasia Ashley Is Here For You

 

I’ve subjected you to Roger Goodell and his tone deaf response to domestic violence long enough, so here’s Anastasia Ashley and her perfect self to help your struggle until I post some other stuff, because I care you, the reader. Keep in mind, this is the second consecutive  photo of Anastasia that I’ve posted where I don’t draw specific attention to her equally perfect ass. I don’t know. I feel like I’m growing as a person. Anyway, I hope your Friday goes well. I’m off to live out an imaginary scenario where Anastasia and I go to Panera Bread before we go pick up our first rescue kitten.

  I’ve subjected you to Roger Goodell and his tone deaf response to domestic violence long enough, so here’s Anastasia Ashley and her perfect self to help your struggle until…

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If You’re In The NFL, You Can Only Beat Your Wife Once Now, Maybe TwiceBy toddAugust 28, 2014
If You’re In The NFL, You Can Only Beat Your Wife Once Now, Maybe Twice

 

If you’re in the NFL and smoke weed twice, you get suspended for a year. If you’re in the NFL and  drag your wife out of an elevator by the neck after you knock her unconscious, you get suspended for two games. But that’s okay, because television journalists will let everybody know that maybe that bitch deserved it. Those sound like totally acceptable punishments for those crimes, correct? No? I didn’t think so either. So today, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced new disciplinary measures for all NFL employees involved in domestic violence incidents.

In light of the situation involving Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice and subsequent outrage over his two-game suspension, the NFL has announced a much stronger policy for domestic violence and sexual assault. According to Jane McManus of ESPNNewYork.com, citing a letter sent to all 32 NFL owners, offenders will receive a six-game suspension for the first offense and lifetime banishment for the second offense.

With this law, you only get one chance to beat your wife, so make sure it’s for something really important, because if you do it again, you’ll be banished from the NFL for life. Wait, sorry. By “lifetime ban”, they mean “a year”.

In reality, it’s an indefinite ban with a minimum of one year for a second offense on domestic violence or sexual assault.

Whew. At least a year is better than nothing. They’ll have plenty of time to sit and think about what they did while they serve out their punishment. Wait, no they won’t.

NFL’s new domestic violence policy could be challenged via antitrust law: it impacts players’ employment and wasn’t collectively bargained.

So, what have we accomplished here? Nothing. Mostly nothing. Goodell got to send out a letter, because I guess he likes writing letters. I’ll give the NFL some credit for actually acknowledging the problem and not attempting to cover over it unlike some professions, and I hate I even have to point this out, but don’t hit women. Like, just don’t hit them. The only time you should hit a woman is if she just recently turned into a zombie or got possessed by the devil. Those are the only two reasons. If she happened to recently turn into a werewolf or vampire, check to make sure she’s just not on her period first, then if she’s not, run away. Run as fast as you can. Because hitting them then will be pointless and futile, because werewolves and vampires are strong.

 

Addendum:  In Vegas, you can hit a woman if, and only if, the price is agreed upon beforehand.

 

 

 

  If you’re in the NFL and smoke weed twice, you get suspended for a year. If you’re in the NFL and  drag your wife out of an elevator by…

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Jessica Alba Isn’t DepressingBy toddJune 06, 2014

 

Like mass shootings, it's hard to keep track of all the rape posts on the site today, so to help that, here's Jessica Alba in a commercial either about ice cream or a Lambo. I can't really tell, but this just further drives the point home that we should have all have access to free chocolate covered condoms. You can cover pretty much anything in chocolate and a chick will put her mouth on it at least once. And if we decide on chocolate wine flavored condoms it's game over. GAME. OVER.

  Like mass shootings, it's hard to keep track of all the rape posts on the site today, so to help that, here's Jessica Alba in a commercial either about…

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You Can’t Smoke Meth With UsBy toddJune 06, 2014

Legendary star of the stage and screen, Lindsay Lohan, was photographed leaving Chiltern Firehouse in London last night, and it should be obvious to everyone that she was there to celebrate her starring role in the new Star Wars movie or her engagement to Leonardo DiCaprio or whatever delusional, insane shit she believed when she was high on cocaine.

Legendary star of the stage and screen, Lindsay Lohan, was photographed leaving Chiltern Firehouse in London last night, and it should be obvious to everyone that she was there to…

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Miley Cyrus Is A Porn ParodyBy toddApril 04, 2014
Miley Cyrus Is A Porn Parody

 

Happy Friday? Vice reports:

The first rule of being famous is: You haven’t truly hit the big time until you’re spoofed in a porn parody. It happened to hate-filled unemployed person Sarah Palin, it happened to the melanoma-ridden cast of Jersey Shore, and now, it’s happened to Miley Cyrus. Porn company Devil’s Film has been teasing their XXX parody of the pop star called Molly’s Wrecking Ballz for a while and they just dropped the trailer. In the two-minute video, we see “Miley” in a strap-on lesbian scene with a “homegirl with a big butt” (like from her video for “We Can’t Stop”), take a doggystyle pounding from Robin Thicke (like from her VMA performance), and go for a limo fuck ride with Justin Timberlake (cultural reference not found). Here, let the press release tell you more. Take it away pornography company… "This hardcore feature follows the adventures of America’s pill-popping princess Molly, as she sucks and fucks her way to stardom with Hollywood’s hottest celebs. With pseudo appearances by Beyonce, Liam Hemsworth, Robin Thicke, and Justin Beiber look-alikes, this A-list fuck fest is sure to make headlines and turn heads."

You can watch the trailer HERE, and I don't know if my headline gave it away or not, but it's very, very NSFW and kinda gross. Much like Miley's ass. Christ, put that thing away. Nobody wants to see that, man.

  Happy Friday? Vice reports: The first rule of being famous is: You haven’t truly hit the big time until you’re spoofed in a porn parody. It happened to hate-filled…

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Honey Maid Restores Your Faith In HumanityBy toddApril 04, 2014

 

On March 10th, Honey Maid released their "This Is Wholesome" ad campaign (see above) which featured a gay couple with a newborn and an interracial family, because whether you want to accept it or not, the reality of what a family is has changed.  And since we live in America, people typed in all caps on the Internet because the portayal of family goes against what the archaic book that was written 1,400 years ago told them. The bored, uptight shrills who probably have never had an over at One Million Moms (which onky has 64K likes on Facebook) are "highly offended" because the ad attempts to "normalize sin".  And not to be outdone, something called the American Decency Association (i.e. a white Christian meetup) basically said the ad was the work of Satan. Because apparently Satan is Don Draper. But instead of taking the bait and reacting in the same hateful, ignorant manner, Honey Maid released this:

 

 

I don't even know what Honey Maid makes, but it's ironic that a corporation firmly rooted in a plutocracy can spread more love, acceptance, and human decency than organizations who claim their sole mission is to do the same. Because here's the thing, if an ad about a gay couple and an interracial family is a threat to your marriage, you have a pretty fucking shitty marriage. The fangs of fear and guilt the Bible sinks into you were needed at one time, but just like everything else in the universe, paradigms evolve and so do we. If not, you get ran the fuck over and left behind. The world doesn't go away when you close your eyes. If you choose not to agree with other lifestyles, then please feel free to do so, but please don't try to frame your argument based on a choose your own adventure book written by men with a specific agenda. People did the same thing with Mein Kampf, and we all see how that turned out. Trying to legislate the happiness of others won't make you any more happy, it just makes you a dick. So, if you're a Christian and you see a gay or interracial couple walking down the street, take a minute to realize it has absoluetly nothing to do with you and keep walking. Or maybe introduce yourself and have a conversation. You might be surprised to learn that you have more in common than you think.

  On March 10th, Honey Maid released their "This Is Wholesome" ad campaign (see above) which featured a gay couple with a newborn and an interracial family, because whether you…
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Caitlin O’Connor Is New HereBy toddApril 04, 2014

Maxim model Caitlin O'Connor posed in a bikini in Venice, and yeah, that's pretty much it. To be honest, my penis is kinda indifferent. So, enjoy the pics, I guess? Or don't. I can't live your life, man.

Maxim model Caitlin O'Connor posed in a bikini in Venice, and yeah, that's pretty much it. To be honest, my penis is kinda indifferent. So, enjoy the pics, I guess?…

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Selena Gomez Is Doing The Same Thing To Orlando Bloom NowBy toddApril 04, 2014
Selena Gomez Is Doing The Same Thing To Orlando Bloom Now

 

Continuing in her phase of banging efeminate white dudes, Selena Gomez is now reportedly banging Orlando Bloom. Sources say Justin Bieber is so mad he threw his Barbie Princess Unicorn against the wall. Every princess needs the perfect pet, and what could be more perfect than the enchanting unicorn? Barbie Princess doll's unicorn has a gorgeous wavy mane that girls will want to brush and style! A glittery saddle and tiara of its own make it the perfect riding companion for Barbie princess! An enclosed brush lets girls beautify the unicorn's mane!

Justin Bieber, 20, is furious over Selena Gomez, 21, allegedly flirting with Orlando Bloom. The Biebs is used to being “king of the hill” when it comes to his lady-love’s affections, so this latest interaction between Selena, and Orlando must be a huge slap in the face to the troubled pop bad-boy.  Selena and Orlando recently participated in the We Day California conference on March 26. The 21-year-old singer gave a moving speech and later, backstage, posed with Orlando and Seth Rogen — who has been one of Justin’s biggest haters. The picture  was posted to her Instagram account, and was probably the reason for Justin’s alleged  jealous accusations. Additionally, Seth has openly expressed his disdain for the “Never Say Never” singer, which could have also triggered a reaction in Justin.

I don't know why Justin Bieber is so upset, because Orlando Bloom is the real loser in this whole thing. Because, uh, up until last year, he had his own table and an open reservation in Miranda Kerr's vagina. Now a waitress is telling him the drink specials at a Taco Mac.

  Continuing in her phase of banging efeminate white dudes, Selena Gomez is now reportedly banging Orlando Bloom. Sources say Justin Bieber is so mad he threw his Barbie Princess…

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