Ashley Greene Does FlareBy toddNovember 07, 2011

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Now that we’ve got Jessica Simpson out of the way, let’s discuss Ashley Greene in the December 2011 issue of Flare. Speaking from the opposite end of the spectrum, she is a woman who I would very much like to hold hands with. Then maybe snuggle on the couch while watching a movie. Then maybe kiss gently. Then maybe bend her over my couch and lick her ass. Then pull her hair from behind and question her about the ownership of her vagina. You know, or something romantic along those lines.

Now that we’ve got Jessica Simpson out of the way, let’s discuss Ashley Greene in the December 2011 issue of Flare. Speaking from the opposite end of the spectrum, she…

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Kristen Bell Is A Great ActressBy toddNovember 07, 2011

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Ironically, I’ve never heard of House Of Lies until this weekend, but as you can see, it stars Kristen Bell. Specifically, Kristen Bell prancing around in her bra and panties. It’s on Showtime, so unless the next scene is her in a threesome with a vampire or preparing a kill room, I don’t understand the context here. But, hey! Look! A chick in her panties! Woo hoo!

Ironically, I’ve never heard of House Of Lies until this weekend, but as you can see, it stars Kristen Bell. Specifically, Kristen Bell prancing around in her bra and panties….

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Avril Lavigne Is A CatchBy jessNovember 07, 2011

Avril Lavigne is known as a courteous, intelligent, kindhearted person, so when she got into a fight with a stranger, it came as a shock to everyone. Except now. TMZ reports:

Brody Jenner was cracked in the head with a bottle trying to break up a fight in Hollywood early this morning — and law enforcement tells TMZ … the fight was between an unknown girl and Brody’s GF, Avril Lavigne. According to our sources, Avril got into a dust-up shortly before 1:00 AM at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. We’re told when Brody tried to intervene … he took a bottle to the head from someone for his troubles. Law enforcement sources tell us hotel security broke up the fight and detained Brody and others involved. Police were called to the hotel and when all was said and done … we’re told the police report listed Brody as the victim of an assault with a deadly weapon. Our sources say Brody was the only one involved who spoke to police — the other combatants (including Avril) had split by the time they arrived. We’re told Brody refused medical attention and went to the hospital on his own.

This story confirms what you already think of Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne almost got her teeth knocked straight by a stranger because she’s a bratty, entitled, instigating little shit. Brody helped her out, so she left him bleeding to deal with cops alone. The only way she could be a better girlfriend would be to kick him in the nuts when he comes home to find her fucking his best friend.

Avril Lavigne is known as a courteous, intelligent, kindhearted person, so when she got into a fight with a stranger, it came as a shock to everyone. Except now. TMZ…

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Hey There, Eva LongoriaBy toddNovember 04, 2011

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Eva Longoria was in Beverly Hills yesterday where I hope she was shopping for panties. Wait, I mean NOT shopping for panties. Damn, that first thing sounded gay, didn’t it?

Eva Longoria was in Beverly Hills yesterday where I hope she was shopping for panties. Wait, I mean NOT shopping for panties. Damn, that first thing sounded gay, didn’t it?

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The Rum Diary Had A PremiereBy jessNovember 04, 2011
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Johnny Depp is the real star of this movie, but he sometimes looks homeless (yet somehow still hot) on red carpets. Amber Heard may be infrequently employed, but she looks like she showers often. Probably with her girlfriend. I’ll leave you with that image. Enjoy your day and know that blue balls is a treatable condition.

Johnny Depp is the real star of this movie, but he sometimes looks homeless (yet somehow still hot) on red carpets. Amber Heard may be infrequently employed, but she looks…

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Carmen ElinktraBy jessNovember 03, 2011

Something in Hungarian about a vintage vibrator that looks like a power drill. [Velvet]
Selena Gomez upskirt [Taxidriver Movie]
Kate Gosselin is employed [The Superficial]
Scarlett Johansson dressed like an ’80s hooker [Drunken Stepfather]
Weston Cage is single. Take a number, ladies [Celebitchy]
Demi Moore cheated on Ashton Kutcher [The Blemish]
Shay Maria is on video [Zoo Today]
20 hottest Heidi Klum photos [Coed Magazine]
If celebrities were homeless [Cityrag]
Lindsay Lohan has support from a one-semi-hit-wonder rapper [Dlisted]
Eva Longoria showed up to something [Moe Jackson]
Kate Beckinsale is still making Underworld movies [I’m Not Obsessed]
A little lower and Sara Jessica Parker almost got it right [Popbytes]
Amanda Seyfried is (more…)

Something in Hungarian about a vintage vibrator that looks like a power drill. [Velvet] Selena Gomez upskirt [Taxidriver Movie] Kate Gosselin is employed [The Superficial] Scarlett Johansson dressed like an…

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Lady Gaga Started An Anti-Bullying FoundationBy jessNovember 03, 2011

She pandered. MTV News reports:

Lady Gaga has always made it her mission to empower her little monsters. On Wednesday (November 2), Mother Monster announced she’s launching the Born This Way Foundation, which aims to further inspire young people. The pop superstar is even getting some help from her very own Mother Monster, Cynthia Germanotta. “My mother and I have initiated a passion project. We call it the Born This Way Foundation,” Gaga said in a statement about the foundation, which takes its name from her hit single and album. “Together we hope to establish a standard of Bravery and Kindness, as well as a community worldwide that protects and nurtures others in the face of bullying and abandonment.”

Can we give the anti-bullying (more…)

She pandered. MTV News reports: Lady Gaga has always made it her mission to empower her little monsters. On Wednesday (November 2), Mother Monster announced she’s launching the Born This…

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Candice SwanelinksBy jessNovember 02, 2011

Christina Aguilera is not obese, looks “kocsmárosnénak.” I dunno, ask Todd. [Velvet]
Jaime Winstone is see-through [Taxidriver Movie]
Reggie Bush has darker skin, a bigger… Influence [The Superficial]
Rose McGowan nip slip [Drunken Stepfather]
Hugh Grant has a kid [Celebitchy]
Scarlett Johansson tokes up [The Blemish]
Cameron Diaz washing a car [Zoo Today]
Female sportscasters wearing little to no clothes [Coed Magazine]
Miranda Kerr is a lion tamer [Cityrag]
Kris Jenner says she could have saved Nicole Brown Simpson’s life. Okay. [Dlisted]
Heidi Klum had another Halloween party [Moe Jackson]
PETA is pissed at Reese Witherspoon [I’m Not Obsessed]
Scarlett Johansson‘s nudes were for Ryan Reynolds [Popbytes]
Jessica Alba is a cat with (more…)

Christina Aguilera is not obese, looks “kocsmárosnénak.” I dunno, ask Todd. [Velvet] Jaime Winstone is see-through [Taxidriver Movie] Reggie Bush has darker skin, a bigger… Influence [The Superficial] Rose McGowan…

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Zooey Deschanel Is SingleBy jessNovember 02, 2011
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New Girl star and hipster darling Zooey Deschanel is divorcing her husband, Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard. Us Weekly reports:

Just two years after tying the knot, Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard have separated, Deschanel’s rep confirms to Us Weekly. “It was mutual and amicable,” a source adds. “There was no third party involved.” The New Girl actress, 31, and Death Cab for Cutie frontman, 35, got married near Seattle, Wash. in late September 2009.

“Adorkable” (which might be the most annoying adjective ever) can’t compete with D cups. No third party was directly involved, but I suspect after Katy Perry dyed her hair pink that it was a lot harder for Ben Gibbard to pretend that’s who he was actually having sex with every night.

New Girl star and hipster darling Zooey Deschanel is divorcing her husband, Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard. Us Weekly reports: Just two years after tying the knot, Zooey Deschanel…

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