Rihanna Could Barely Open Her EyesBy toddFebruary 11, 2009

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This week is getting progressively worse for Chris Brown as TMZ has now confirmed that he didn’t just smack Rihanna around, he beat her so bad she may require plastic surgery. Yikes.

Cops took multiple pictures at the scene. Chris Brown allegedly hit Rihanna so hard with his fists, she could barely open her eyes for the photos — they were almost completely swollen shut. She had a fat lip, her mouth was swollen, her nose was badly bloodied, and she had contusions on her forehead and both sides of her face.

At this point, Rihanna should just join Al-Qaeda and get sent to Gitmo. There’s no way that could be any worse than dating Chris Brown.

Boobs:

This week is getting progressively worse for Chris Brown as TMZ has now confirmed that he didn’t just smack Rihanna around, he beat her so bad she may require plastic…

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Gemma Atkinson is NutsBy toddFebruary 11, 2009

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I’m not even kidding when I say I’ll do whatever a hot brunette with big tits tells me to do, so posting these pictures of Gemma Atkinson in this month’s Nuts Magazine is just an extension of that. Imagine if she had literally asked me to post these. I don’t know if anybody in California would be able to hear it or not, but that sonic boom would be me hitting “Publish”.

I’m not even kidding when I say I’ll do whatever a hot brunette with big tits tells me to do, so posting these pictures of Gemma Atkinson in this month’s…

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Inglourious Basterds Trailer Footage is OutBy toddFebruary 10, 2009

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The first footage of Quentin Tarantino’s long-awaited film, Inglourious Basterds, premiered on E.T. tonight. It shows Brad Pitt as Lieutenant Aldo Raine as he leads a group of rag tag Jewish-American soldiers on a quest of retribution against the Nazis. That sounds like a good plan, but why don’t they just get a time machine and show Hitler a picture Bar Refaeli? I have to imagine it would be pretty hard to plan world domination when you’re masturbating.

The first footage of Quentin Tarantino’s long-awaited film, Inglourious Basterds, premiered on E.T. tonight. It shows Brad Pitt as Lieutenant Aldo Raine as he leads a group of rag tag…

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Salma Hayek Feeds The WorldBy toddFebruary 10, 2009

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I had this long-winded intro for this video, but just skip to 5:25. I can’t think of any scenario where I would ask a magical genie to turn me into a starving black baby, but we can go ahead and make this #1 on my list of possibles.

I had this long-winded intro for this video, but just skip to 5:25. I can’t think of any scenario where I would ask a magical genie to turn me into…

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Put It Away GrandmaBy toddFebruary 10, 2009

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Okay, so here’s Madonna’s new “controversial” photoshoot for the March 2009 issue of W Magazine. In it, the photographer takes on a sensual journey through an alternate reality where a 22-year old Brazilian model willingly has sex with a 50-year old hag with no apparent dental insurance. How sexy!

Okay, so here’s Madonna’s new “controversial” photoshoot for the March 2009 issue of W Magazine. In it, the photographer takes on a sensual journey through an alternate reality where a…

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Links With A D*ckBy daveFebruary 10, 2009

Inspired by Duck With A D*ck, which I just would have named Botox’d Transvestite Bath Toy. But, that’s why I don’t work in advertising. [BestWeekEver]

Disney made Miley Cyrus write another apology for the Asian thing because “Vewy vewy sawry” was a tad offensive. [LaineyGossip]

I wish calling cleavage “the slash” was a thing, because that would make this post about Slash’ wife’s cleavage so much funnier. [DrunkenStepfather]

Kanye West would like you to know that Rihanna had potential “to be the greatest artist of all time.” And if his Grammy performance sucked, it was because he knew this potential. Kanye West is an ass. [SocialiteLife]

Celebrity cars make me feel poor, but equally happy that our celebrities have avoided buying (more…)

Inspired by Duck With A D*ck, which I just would have named Botox’d Transvestite Bath Toy. But, that’s why I don’t work in advertising. [BestWeekEver] Disney made Miley Cyrus write…

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