I guess today is ass day or things that pass for asses day, so here’s Taylor Swift going to the gym yesterday in these shorts that I assume were custom made or bought in the kid’s department. Remember these pics? Those pics led us astray. Those pics lied to us. Hillary Clinton rigged Taylor’s ass that’s the only explanation. When will Hillary be held accountable for her crimes that I see in Infowars videos? From what I can tell, she has people assassinated, she can control elections, all media, the FBI, the Department of Justice, embassies, and created ISIS all while having Parkinson’s. Michael J. Fox has Parkinson’s and he can’t even sit through an interview. Hillary might even be able to control the weather. Maybe we shouldn’t fuck with this lady.
Despite Donald Sterling being his boss for all intents and purposes, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver just LAID DOWN THE FUCKING HAMMER on Sterling during his press conference that was aired live on Sportscenter a few minutes ago. In case you missed it, Donald Sterling has been banned for life from the NBA, was fined $2.5M (the maximum the NBA consitution can levy), and is urging the NBA Board of Governors and the other owners to force the sale of the L.A. Clippers to another ownership group (this decision is now up to the other owners). Sterling will still be a racist and a billionaire, but Silver just stripped away the narcissist's identity by removing him from his figurative home and family and forcing the sale of the one thing that he holds most dear. Maybe Sterling will associate with a black person so he can learn a spiritual.
Because my father abandoned me when I was 6 and I have no idea where he is now, I've always enjoyed monster movies where the monster tramples through a city killing thousands of people, because hey, it might land on my dad. No issues here. But in the new Asian trailer for Godzilla, it's pretty clear that Godzilla is the good guy. Well, not exactly the good guy, he's more of a "holy shit what are those things we're jumping out of airplanes and have guns and stuff like that but they're still murdering everyone so let's unleash something that will kill them but almost might kill us too and Heisenberg and goddamn Todd really wants to bang Elizabeth Olsen".
Craig Ferguson quit The Late Late Show [Dlisted]
Britney Spears is looking rough [Fishwrapper]
Olivia Munn forgot her bra (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Nothing is going to happen to Donald Sterling [The Superficial]
Nina Agdal in a bikini YES LAAWD [Hollywood Tuna]
Maria Menounos is doing those jeans a favor [Popoholic]
Here's Lucy Pinder's final Nuts shoot [Drunken Stepfather]
Kanye told Kim she should be the next Coco Chanel [Celebitchy]
Donald Sterling's ex-gf wore this hat [Moe Jackson]
Tarantino's lawsuit against Gawker has been thrown out [Film Drunk]
Hilary Duff is nipply [Celebslam]
Greatest ideas of all time [The Chive]
pic source = Instagram
John Travolta is having a bad week [Dlisted]
Jaden Smith is still a pretentious asshole [Fishwrapper]
Paris Hilton is see through [Taxi Driver Movie]
Britney Spears is saggy [The Superficial]
Nina Agdal works it in Cosmo [Hollywood Tuna]
Keira Knightley's dress is confusing everyone [Popoholic]
Bar Refaeli's ass is disappointing [Drunken Stepfather]
Whitney Houston's family seems nice [TMZ]
Jessica Alba is angry [Celebitchy]
Joanna Krupa has a massive head [Moe Jackson]
Jared Leto's Oscar acceptance speech was cut from the Russian broadcast [Film Drunk]
Michelle Rodriguez wants a baby with Clara Delevigne [Celebslam]
Demi Lovato shaved half her head [The Blemish]
NOTE: Hey, there. Do you like delicious food that won't make you fat? And do you also like alcohol? Of course you do. So, why don't you go visit my friend Lindsay's site, Vodka & Biscuits. She's a kickass chef and an even more kickass person. She also kinda looks like a young Christina Ricci. So to recap, awesome recipes, vodka, and a young Christina Ricci. Sounds like three things a genie would hear.
pic source = Instagram
Yeah, so speaking of after parties, here's Miranda Kerr at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. When you're physical perfection you can pretty much wear anything, so let's all thank Miranda for deciding to wear this dress instead. Because, damn. When asked for comment, Orlando Bloom said, "I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL DO IT! DON'T COME IN ANY CLOSER! I MEAN IT! MIIIIRRAAAAANNNDDDAAAA!!!" But, Orlando. You have so much to live for, man. Wait, no you don't. They ran out of those Hobbit books. Sorry, bro.
Kendall Jenner was playing with dolls and drinking from a sippy cup like three years ago, but here she is walking the runway at Marc Jacobs during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. And those are her nipples. I assume people think this might be hot, but all I see is a chick who still probably holds her nose when she takes a shot. I can't get down with that. I mean, I guess I can understand why this happened. Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney are all old now and can't get the attention they used to. This is probably the only way Kris Jenner can achieve orgasm.
Brian Austin Green's insemination game is too strong. Too strong. Too Fab reports:
It's a boy! Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green welcomed their second child together, toofab has exclusively learned. This is the second boy for the couple, who welcomed son Noah in September 2012, and the third son for Green — who also has 11-year-old Kassius with ex Vanessa Marcil. No other details about the baby were immediately made available.
Hey, remember that three year run on here when basically every single post was a Megan Fox post and I described in great detail what my penis and I would do to her? Yep. Still would. Glad we had this talk.
Hey, did you know if you're a young chick and you think you're sexy and a feminist, your go to move is to take your clothes off? Cool, because Taylor Momsen is pretty much textbook. Man, look at her. So edgy and sensual and dangerous. Hahaha, not really. Go put on some footie pajamas and ask Pete Wentz how to properly apply eyeliner, Cindy Lou.
The 2014 Sports Ilustrated Swimsuit Issue cover was released yesterday, and the most important thing we need to realize here is that it doesn't include Kate Upton. Thanks, guys. However, it does include Nina Agdal, Lily Aldridge, and Chrissy Teigen. Instead of "blonde and kinda fat with a huge rack" being the criteria this year, apparently it was "who has a nice ass and has dated or is married to a musician"? Either way, we all win. Lookin good, ladies.