The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last NightBy toddMarch 03, 2014
The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please note that Sound Mixing and Cinematography are not listed. Mostly because I have no idea what those things are. What does mixing stuff with cinnamon have to do with a making a movie? It just makes no sense. Also, Matthew McConaughey is damn handsome man. I can admit that.

 

BEST PICTURE: 12 Years a Slave

BEST ACTOR: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

ACTRESS: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Spike Jonze, Her

  As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please…

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Muslims Hate Katy Perry NowBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people to get exercise, but then he gave them a bunch of bread. Carbs? Make up your mind, Jesus! Damn.  Also, a mountain? Nice acoustics, jackass. Anyway, like most Christians, Katy Perry likes to pull out the Christian card when it fits her needs, and she sees herself as some evolved spiritualist who embraces all faiths and religions, but mostly those people just smoke a lot of weed. But for her music video for "Dark Horse", she did a thing that pissed off Muslims. That's always a good idea.

A number of Muslim netizens around the world are upset with her music video and are insulted by a scene in which Katy was seen destroying a man with his pendant depicting the Arabic word for "Allah".  Petitions for Youtube to bring down the music video have also been issued by Muslim netizens.

A person who wasn't Muslim mentioned the word "Allah" in something, so naturally there's petitions going around to have this video removed and Katy Perry beheaded or stoned or whatever Muslims do to women who won't have sex with them. Hey, man. Try a few compliments and maybe a nice dinner. Also, make her laugh. All religions are dumb and make no sense, but one thing they all do well is wait for the chance to get offended. Religious people love that shit. They also always want you to join because if you join, that means they aren't as crazy because it sounded like a good idea to you too. But Islam? Nah, brah. I can't fuck with a religion that promises you get to bang 1,000 virgins when you get to heaven. Sorry. That sounds mad boring. I don't have time to sit down and have a talk to explain things a thousand times. If you could just bend over and let me pull your arms behind your back so I can use you as a counterweight without me having to use a logistics flow process diagram that would be ideal.

  Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people…

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There’s A Yeezus Movie Coming OutBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck, because he released the trailer for his upcoming movie Yeezus yesterday on his official site. It looks like a  concert film, but Brett Easton Ellis wrote a script for it, so there's a good chance it'll have a serial killer and a gay dude in it at some point. Also, somebody might have AIDS or be hooked on heroin and speak in run on sentences that last five pages. The last movie Ellis wrote could only cast Lindsay Lohan and a porn star, so let's try to keep our expectations low. Not sure if Kim Kardashian will be in it or not, but I imagine Kanye West in a fur coat will get more screen time than that bar that runs at the bottom of Sportscenter.

  If you feel like paying money to sit in the dark and listen to Kanye West tell you how great Kanye West is for two hours, you're in luck,…

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Do Not Attempt To Grab Justin Timberlake’s AssBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually assault him. You can clearly see Timberlake slap a hand away twice and give the face the hand belongs to a stare down, then he just dances away. Note: Dancing away after an attempted unwarranted sexual advance has not been shown as an effective rape prevention tool. Us here at IDLYITW suggest you contact the authorities immediately if you or someone you know is the victim of a sexual assault. But do not dance to the phone.

  Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually…

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Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are EngagedBy toddFebruary 28, 2014
Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged

 

Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along.

You are not about to be punk'd. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are engaged, E! News exclusively confirms. Kunis was spotted shopping earlier today wearing a diamond ring on that finger, and a source tells us that she and her former That '70s Show costar are indeed planning to make it official.

They've been dating for two years, so I guess this might be true or she just likes big ass diamonds. But two years is plenty of time for Kutcher to have seen her without makeup, and if you haven't seen Kunis without makeup, I suggest you get a night light and check under your bed before you go to sleep because its the stuff of goddamn nightmares. Seriously. You'd bring your pets inside if you saw a Mila Kunis without makeup in your backyard. Hopefully Sephora was mentioned in the prenup.

  Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along. You are not…

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