Fergie Is Sorry For Her National AnthemBy toddFebruary 20, 2018
Fergie Is Sorry For Her National Anthem

 

If told me that in 2018 a person who didn’t work in the White House would bring shame and embarrassment to America, I wouldn’t have believed you. Now that we know it was Fergie, it kinda makes sense in retrospect. Anyway, her National Anthem performance was so bad, she had to release a statement to TMZ.

 “I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA. I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.

Like, did you though? If this was your best, maybe decline the offer and let a cat being strangled give it a shot.

 

  If told me that in 2018 a person who didn’t work in the White House would bring shame and embarrassment to America, I wouldn’t have believed you. Now that…

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Jennifer Lawrence Did The ‘Red Sparrow’ PhotocallBy toddFebruary 20, 2018
Jennifer Lawrence Did The ‘Red Sparrow’ Photocall

 

According to Mueller, we’re pretty much all Russian bots now because we mostly get our news from memes, so I’m not sure if a movie glamorizing the effectiveness of a Russian spy is what Hollywood needs to be sending out into the world right now, but here we are. Jennifer Lawrence attended the Red Sparrow photocall with her boobs out to distract us from the fact that she’s a Russian spy in the movie. She really has a career in politics.

 

  According to Mueller, we’re pretty much all Russian bots now because we mostly get our news from memes, so I’m not sure if a movie glamorizing the effectiveness of…

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Hello, Christina AguileraBy toddFebruary 20, 2018
Hello, Christina Aguilera

 

It’s easy to forget to how hot Christina Aguilera was before the Latin genes and having a bunch of kids caught up to her, but she wants to remind you in Instagram with a few pics in black and white that she took in very low lighting with several filters. You know, much like your Instagram pics. The rack still looks great and what an amazing bathtub. Very decadent.

 

A post shared by Christina Aguilera (@xtina) on

  It’s easy to forget to how hot Christina Aguilera was before the Latin genes and having a bunch of kids caught up to her, but she wants to remind…

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Chadwick Boseman Covers ‘Rolling Stone’By toddFebruary 19, 2018
Chadwick Boseman Covers ‘Rolling Stone’

 

Black Panther is making all the money right now and Disney has pledged to take 25% of the profits to help the black community. Haha jk, Disney is going to keep all of it because they are a soulless media conglomerate. Wakanda profits forever. But Chadwick Boseman and director Ryan Coogler are profiled (in a good way) in the latest issue of Rolling Stone, and that’s really great. You should also see the movie, because it’s also pretty great except the CGI.

 

  Black Panther is making all the money right now and Disney has pledged to take 25% of the profits to help the black community. Haha jk, Disney is going…

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Russia Hacked Fergie’s VoiceBy toddFebruary 19, 2018
Russia Hacked Fergie’s Voice

 

Man, what a wild Black History Month it’s been so far.  The 2018 NBA All-Star Game was last night and Fergie paid tribute to famous black singer Jessica Rabbit with her stunning rendition of the National Anthem. After performing, Fergie immediately fled the country and is now seeking asylum at the Embassy of Ecuador in London. My sources haven’t confirmed this yet, but she probably also deleted her Twitter.

 

  Man, what a wild Black History Month it’s been so far.  The 2018 NBA All-Star Game was last night and Fergie paid tribute to famous black singer Jessica Rabbit…

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Jennifer Lawrence Did The ‘Red Sparrow’ PremiereBy toddFebruary 16, 2018
Jennifer Lawrence Did The ‘Red Sparrow’ Premiere

 

Jennifer Lawrence basically plays John Wick in Red Sparrow, but since it’s a woman John Wick, Hollywood had to make her a prostitute instead of just a woman John Wick. Oh, I’m sorry. They made her a “seductive Russian spy.” Not the same thing. My apologies. I remember in Taken when Liam Neeson had to put on a low cut dress and give one of those guys a handjob to find out where his daughter was. Pretty intense scene. Also, lol at Jennifer Lawrence’s Russian accent.

 

 

  Jennifer Lawrence basically plays John Wick in Red Sparrow, but since it’s a woman John Wick, Hollywood had to make her a prostitute instead of just a woman John…

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Lindsay Lohan Is ContriteBy toddSeptember 23, 2010

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After news broke that Lindsay Lohan failed a random drug test a mere three weeks after being released from rehab, Lindsay took to her Twitter and seemed to finally accept responsibility. But then you realize it’s Lindsay Lohan and she tweeted all that shit from the bar.

Lindsay Lohan certainly sounded contrite in her confessional Sept. 17 Tweet, in which she admitted to failing a drug test…But a witness saw the star craft her statement that night on her Blackberry at Hollywood eatery Magnolia — and tells the new Us Weekly that a flippant Lohan laughed and quaffed Jack and Cokes as she typed. Lohan composed her missive as her assistant and a male pal coached her on how to make it “more personal,” the witness recounts. “Her friend would say, ‘No, use ‘setback,’ don’t say ‘mistake.’ They’ll say you make mistakes all the time!” The friend went on, “It’s better to say you’re responsible. Denying it will just get everyone mad per usual.” Lohan’s response: “She giggled” and had her assistant order her another Jack and Coke, the Magnolia spy tells Us. Once the final copy was sent off to her management team — Lou Taylor and Larry Rudolph, who famously helped Britney Spears clean up — Lohan wasn’t “emotional,” says the witness. The actress, who has been to rehab four times, even joked about drinking whiskey that night, telling pals, “What are you gonna do?” I’m ill” — making air quotes with her fingers.

Man, how did Lindsay become such a spoiled, entitled cunt with no moral compass? Oh, wait. That’s right.

Dina told guests at her Sept. 17 birthday party at Madeo’s Restaurant in Roslyn Heights, NY, that her daughter – due in court Friday – would get off scot-free. “She said, ‘Who cares if it’s true? Our new team is like a machine. They’ll squash this.’

Hey, stoning women and throwing acid in their face in bad, right? It is? Damn. What now? Oh, no reason. Just checking.

After news broke that Lindsay Lohan failed a random drug test a mere three weeks after being released from rehab, Lindsay took to her Twitter and seemed to finally accept…

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Katy Perry Slutted Up Sesame StreetBy toddSeptember 23, 2010

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Katy Perry filmed a segment for Sesame Street in which she sang a duet with Elmo that was supposed to air on New Year’s Eve. It’s not anymore. Why? Because apparently 3-year olds with Vanilla Wafers in their hair and a juicebox in their pullup can get erections. TMZ reports:

Katy Perry’s breasts — and song — have been yanked from “Sesame Street” … after the show began receiving complaints like, “DUDE MY SON SAW THIS AND GOT A BONER WTTTTTTTTTF.” The song made its way to YouTube Monday and racked up nearly a million views. But some parents started complaining her cleavage was too front and center. We’ve learned producers have decided not to air the song on the show.

Among the parental comments:
— “You can practically see her t*ts. That’s some wonderful children’s programming.”
— “they’re gonna have to rename it cleavage avenue”
— “my kid wants milk now”

Fact is … what looks like Katy’s bare chest is actually covered in flesh-colored mesh that goes all the way to her neck.

Yeah, that’s a good idea, parents. Completely overreact and make your kid as uncomfortable as you possibly can when he sees breasts covered up in a dress. Then burn him with a fire poker and tell him his penis makes him a bad boy. That way, in 18 years when he’s skinning women to make lampshades or masturbating in front of a daycare, you’ll know that you’ve done your job. You know, until he kills you in your sleep. But until then, awesome job!

Note: Be sure to make it to the 1:51 mark. Oscar so wants to hit that.

Katy Perry filmed a segment for Sesame Street in which she sang a duet with Elmo that was supposed to air on New Year’s Eve. It’s not anymore. Why? Because…

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