Britney Spears’ Music Scares Somali PiratesBy toddOctober 29, 2013

In addition to helping gay men get turned up at parades, Britney Spears' music is also an effective tool in making Somali pirates paddle their inflatable rafts away as fast as they can. Metro UK reports:

Spears’s chart-toppers Oops! I Did It Again and Baby One More Time have proved to be the most effective at keeping the bandits at bay. Second Officer Owens, who works on supertankers off the east coast of Africa, said: ‘Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. ‘These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect.’ Ships in the region are in constant danger from gun-toting pirates boarding and kidnapping crews for multi-million-pound ransoms. In 2011, there were 176 attacks on ships by gangs of bandits off the Horn of Africa. They are such a threat the Royal Navy has 1,500 sailors on 14 warships operating round-the-clock patrols in the area.Ms Owens, who regularly guides huge tankers through the waters, said the ship’s speakers can be aimed solely at the pirates so as not to disturb the crew. ‘It’s so effective the ship’s security rarely needs to resort to firing guns,’ said the 34-year-old, from Gartmore, near Aberfoyle, Stirling. ‘As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can.’ Steven Jones, of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry, said: ‘Pirates will go to any lengths to avoid or try to overcome the music.’ He added: I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention.’

If they wanted to make Somali pirates shoot themselves in the face, they should have played some Katy Perry, but instead, they want to Somali pirates to bedazzle their AK-47s. They should just crop dust the Horn of Africa with weed smoke and printouts of these. "Bro, that ship is, like, way far away, man," a Somali pirate would later go on to say.

In addition to helping gay men get turned up at parades, Britney Spears' music is also an effective tool in making Somali pirates paddle their inflatable rafts away as fast…

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‘X-Men: Days Of Future Past’ Has A TrailerBy toddOctober 29, 2013

 

Much like The Day After Tomorrow and Duke Silver's Memories of Now, the new X-Men movie has a weird title. It also has a trailer. A trailer that The Superficial sent me this morning with a review of "yeesh". From what we can tell, Professor X and Magneto turn into socialist hippies and ask Wolverine to go back in time to give them a copy of Atlas Shrugged or something. I honestly don't know. But, Bryan Singer is back directing, so we'll see at least one unknown male actor with a huge part in the movie. That's the guy that let Singer blow him in his hot tub. Sorry, Brandon Routh. You had your chance.

  Much like The Day After Tomorrow and Duke Silver's Memories of Now, the new X-Men movie has a weird title. It also has a trailer. A trailer that The…

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‘Star Wars IV’ Has A Blooper ReelBy toddOctober 29, 2013

 

I guess you can technically call this a blooper reel, but it's mostly people standing around thinking "what is special effects?" and Alec Guiness dying inside because he had already cashed his check,

  I guess you can technically call this a blooper reel, but it's mostly people standing around thinking "what is special effects?" and Alec Guiness dying inside because he had…
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