‘Black Panther’ Had A Seoul PremiereBy toddFebruary 06, 2018
‘Black Panther’ Had A Seoul Premiere

 

Black Panther drops in 10 days, and it’s set to break Marvel box-office records unless the people who it was made for don’t bootleg it and try to sell me a copy on the MARTA. So let’s not do that. In the meantime, they had a premiere in Seoul last night and Lupita Nyong’o looked like a black angel. It’s cool because Koreans have probably never seen a black person up close.

 

  Black Panther drops in 10 days, and it’s set to break Marvel box-office records unless the people who it was made for don’t bootleg it and try to sell…

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#WCW Stormy DanielsBy toddJanuary 31, 2018
#WCW Stormy Daniels

 

I’m not saying Stormy Daniels looks like the type of chick who would have an affair with a rich man then accept $130,000 to not talk about it then go on a late night talk show and talk about it to another man who is using her for ratings, but you gotta respect the hustle.

 

 

  I’m not saying Stormy Daniels looks like the type of chick who would have an affair with a rich man then accept $130,000 to not talk about it then…

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Shailene Woodley Claims She Was Strip-Searched In Jail After Standing RockBy toddSeptember 07, 2017
Shailene Woodley Claims She Was Strip-Searched In Jail After Standing Rock

 

In the current issue of Marie Claire UK, Shailene Woodley discussed her White Savior trip to protest against the Dakota Access Pipeline at Standing Rock reservation in North Dakota back in October. She eventually got arrested (which was streamed on Facebook Live) and charged criminal trespassing and engaging in a riot.

‘I was strip-searched. Like get naked, turn over, spread your butt cheeks, bend over. They were looking for drugs in my ass.’…‘When you’re in a jail cell and they shut that door, you realize no one can save you. If there’s a fire and they decide not to open the door, you’ll die. You are a caged animal.’

Speaking as a Native American, putting drugs in your ass is against our beliefs. You’d think the police would know that by now. They should have checked her sock. But these cops probably had a good laugh watching Big Little Lies. Shailene’s ass is all over the place! Remember that, Joe? Haha, sure do, Bob! Good times. Good times.

  In the current issue of Marie Claire UK, Shailene Woodley discussed her White Savior trip to protest against the Dakota Access Pipeline at Standing Rock reservation in North Dakota…

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Josephine Skriver And Elsa Hosk Want To Make You Smell BetterBy toddSeptember 07, 2017

I’ve been working on getting  my 68-year old mother and her even older husband out Florida today, but now that’s over, here’s Victoria’s Secret models Josephine Skriver and Elsa Hosk taking pictures with the new LOVE fragrance. Getty Images tells me they’re there to “celebrate”. Maybe a new fragrance is cause for celebration. Maybe they got paid some money to look hot posing with a perfume bottle with fake lesbianism and not very subtle blowjob visual subtext to sell a product. I guess we’ll never know.

I’ve been working on getting  my 68-year old mother and her even older husband out Florida today, but now that’s over, here’s Victoria’s Secret models Josephine Skriver and Elsa Hosk taking pictures…

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Izabel Goulart Did The Venice Film FestivalBy toddAugust 31, 2017
Izabel Goulart Did The Venice Film Festival

 

Full disclosure: when I saw the thumbnails this for these pics, I thought this was Eiza Gonzales and immediately started downloading them by reflex. These pictures are not Eiza Gonzales, they are pictures of Izabel Goulart. After typing those letters in sequence into Google, I found that she’s a Brazilian model who used to be a Victoria’s Secret model and she was also in Baywatch. That doesn’t seem like a Venice Film Festival type movie. I guess a dude whose family is really rich invited her. Shout out to him.

 

  Full disclosure: when I saw the thumbnails this for these pics, I thought this was Eiza Gonzales and immediately started downloading them by reflex. These pictures are not Eiza…

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Mark Hamill Is Old Man Skywalker NowBy toddAugust 31, 2017
Mark Hamill Is Old Man Skywalker Now

 

Mark Hamill shared a new picture of Star Wars: The Last Jedi‘s Luke Skywalker from a Hungarian magazine of all places, and oh man, it’s super dark! Everything you once loved has to be super dark and edgy now. Superman, Luke Skywalker, Twitter. Everything. Everything has to be dark and miserable. His lightsaber probably shoots out a Nietzsche ebook.

 

  Mark Hamill shared a new picture of Star Wars: The Last Jedi‘s Luke Skywalker from a Hungarian magazine of all places, and oh man, it’s super dark! Everything you…

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Joel Osteen Said He Just Was Waiting To Be Asked To Shelter Hurricane Harvey VicitmsBy toddAugust 30, 2017
Joel Osteen Said He Just Was Waiting To Be Asked To Shelter Hurricane Harvey Vicitms

 

Joel Osteen, seen here waiting to yell at Smithers, appeared on Today to defend his decision to delay sheltering the Houston victims of Hurricane Harvey. Just turns out nobody asked him! Totally understand, bro.

“[The city] didn’t need us as shelter then,” Osteen said. “We coordinate with them all the time. If we needed to be a shelter, we certainly would’ve been a shelter right when they first asked.” He added, “We work very closely with the city. Four miles down the road, the city established its biggest shelter with rooms for thousands. With beds, kitchen supplies — everything they need. Security. … Once they filled up, never dreaming we’d have this many displaced people, they asked us to become a shelter. And we said, ‘Hey, we’d love to be a shelter. That’s what Lakewood is all about.’ ”

I appreciate how Joel Osteen just destroyed the entire concept of Libertarianism in a 5 minute video. Good work. I also appreciate how people on Twitter believe they made this happen. I assume people who give Osteen money every month are still gonna give him money every month, and if he surrounded Lakewood Church with the Lannister Army and killed displaced victims wandering in the parking lot, he’ll still need UPS truck to bring him all his checks. You guys keep fucking around on Twitter and Joel is gonna bring out his ice dragon.

 

  Joel Osteen, seen here waiting to yell at Smithers, appeared on Today to defend his decision to delay sheltering the Houston victims of Hurricane Harvey. Just turns out nobody…
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Taylor Swift Wants You To Know Why She’s Been Hiding Or WhateverBy toddAugust 30, 2017
Taylor Swift Wants You To Know Why She’s Been Hiding Or Whatever

 

It seems like only 6 months ago that Taylor Swift would call the paparazzi to take pictures of her walking out of her apartment in her OOTD or posting something on Instagram with a group of white women. A “source” tells People why we haven’t seen this lately and have been forced to live in darkness and existential dread awaiting the return of the savior of girls who are at Target right now.

Between a messy breakup with ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris, a subsequent high-profile fling with Tom Hiddleston and a very public feud with the Wests, “she felt like her personal life was spinning out of control,” a source close to the star, 27, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “It was draining her and she needed to disappear to reinvent herself. It was time to change things up and take another approach.”

Man, this source seems really concerned about Tay-

Taylor is very talented and wants the focus to be on her music,” says the source of the entertainer, who’s been quietly dating actor Joe Alwyn, 26, since late last fall. “She is a master at reinventing herself.”

Oh. The source is her PR team. Or somebody in her squad who just cashed a from Taylor Swift’s PR Team LLC. We probably should have expected that. I’m digging the CGI boobs in the video though. Good stuff.

  It seems like only 6 months ago that Taylor Swift would call the paparazzi to take pictures of her walking out of her apartment in her OOTD or posting…

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Sandra Bullock Donated $1M To Help The Hurricane Harvey ReliefBy toddAugust 30, 2017
Sandra Bullock Donated $1M To Help The Hurricane Harvey Relief

 

While most of us are content to sit back and wait for the likes to pour in after we use a natural disaster as the framing device for every smug political hot take imaginable, Sandra Bullock poured some money into the Hurricane Harvey problem.

“This is an incredible gift. We’re so thankful. It’s times like this when we do receive such an incredible amount of support. Especially during times of disaster, people see what’s happening in Texas and our hearts all go out to them,” Elizabeth Penniman, Vice President of Communications for American Red Cross national headquarters, tells PEOPLE. “Having someone like Sandra Bullock make this kind of commitment, it helps bring people together and open their hearts and be even more generous.”….“There are no politics in eight feet of water,” says the star. “There are human beings in eight feet of water.”

Yeah. I’m not gonna be that liberal asshole who tells people trying to tread water in their house how they should have voted (you learned the most important societal lesson of all, Sociology Professor Kenneth) , I’ll just like Joel Osteen memes and donate money then go about my day.

 

  While most of us are content to sit back and wait for the likes to pour in after we use a natural disaster as the framing device for every…

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Matthew Vaughn Might Direct ‘Man Of Steel 2’ For Some Reason, Maybe MoneyBy toddMarch 14, 2017
Matthew Vaughn Might Direct ‘Man Of Steel 2’ For Some Reason, Maybe Money

 

So Man Of Steel 2 is still a thing. Yay. I thought Superman died in Batman vs Superman. Maybe in this one he comes back to life and kills himself in his car while listening to The Promise Ring since he’s a whiny emo mama’s boy.  Also, Man of Steel 2 is in the DCEU, so you probably want be able to figure out he killed himself in the final edit. Matthew Vaughn must want an infinity pool at his house. This is the only way this makes any sense.

Sources tell us that Kingsman: The Secret Service filmmaker Matthew Vaughn is Warner Bros.’ top choice to direct Man of Steel 2, and preliminary conversations about the prospect have taken place. This isn’t yet in the deal-making stage, and Vaughn could very well end up not directing the film, but he’s who Warner Bros. wants at this point in time. Moreover, sources tell us that if Vaughn for some reason doesn’t direct Man of Steel 2, Warner Bros. still wants him to helm another superhero movie in the DCEU.

Kickass was great and X-Men: First Class wasn’t terrible, but David Ayer also made some movies that were kinda great and not terrible before Suicide Squad, and we see how all that turned out. I know, I know, Suicide Squad has an Oscar. So does Gwyneth Paltrow and Three 6 Mafia. Let’s not get carried away here.

 

Here’s Gal Gadot since something good has to come from this post.

 

  So Man Of Steel 2 is still a thing. Yay. I thought Superman died in Batman vs Superman. Maybe in this one he comes back to life and kills…

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