Amy Schumer Dropped Out Of ‘Barbie’By toddMarch 24, 2017
Amy Schumer Dropped Out Of ‘Barbie’

 

Back in December it was announced that Amy Schumer was going to play Barbie in Sony’s live-action adaptation of Mattel’s most famous toy. Amy Schumer. The one in the banner pic. That’s who Sony decided would be great as Barbie. Amy Schumer. They chose Amy Schumer to play Barbie and thought that was a good idea. I can’t stress that enough. Anyway, she dropped out of the movie, so I assume it no longer takes place in an alternate universe on Planet Tumblr.

“Sadly, I’m no longer able to commit to Barbie due to scheduling conflicts,” the actress said in a statement to Variety. “The film has so much promise, and Sony and Mattel have been great partners. I’m bummed, but look forward to seeing Barbie on the big screen.” “We respect and support Amy’s decision,” a spokesperson for Sony said in a statement. “We look forward to bringing Barbie to the world and sharing updates on casting and filmmakers soon.”

I’m kind of disappointed, because I was looking forward to seeing Patton Oswalt or whatever as Ken. Not sure if it’s scheduling conflicts because Barbie was supposed to get “kicked out of Barbieland for not being perfect enough” and Amy Schumer thinks she is perfect and will have a psychotic break if you say she’s not. Amy Schumer. The one in the banner pic.

 

Here’s some Dove Cameron pics I forgot to post. I assume she won’t have any scheduling conflicts if Sony decides not to plus size wash the material.

 

  Back in December it was announced that Amy Schumer was going to play Barbie in Sony’s live-action adaptation of Mattel’s most famous toy. Amy Schumer. The one in the banner…

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Good Lord, Selena GomezBy toddMarch 24, 2017

I don’t know what they do in that rehab Selena Gomez was in, but she’s been looking fine as hell since she’s been out. Sup? How you doin? What are your thoughts on birth control? Really? Me too. We should get together and discuss this some more. Maybe over some red wine. You like red wine? I have a Costco card, so let me know.

I don’t know what they do in that rehab Selena Gomez was in, but she’s been looking fine as hell since she’s been out. Sup? How you doin? What are your…

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Kim Kardashian Has Secret Service NowBy toddOctober 10, 2016
Kim Kardashian Has Secret Service Now


Donald Trump’s hatred of women extends to not letting the Kim Kardashian robbery news cycle live, but it’s Monday, so Kris Jenner is trying again. Basically, Kim Kardashian is more protected than actual sexual assault victims. Take that, Donald!

Sources close to Kim tell us … her new security detail includes former members of the Secret Service, who will be armed to the teeth. There will be at least one team of 2 hired muscles (minimum) everywhere she goes. We’re also told her car will be “armored.”  We’re told after the Paris robbery Kim met with some ex-special force members from the Israeli army, ex-CIA agents as well as former Secret Service members. Kanye met with owners of 2 top security firms. We’re also told Kris Jenner is heavily involved in security meetings, and plans to get protection for Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie … stat. We’ve heard nothing about Rob.

Rob’s boobs can’t be monetized, so I understand this decision. But this must be serious since Kim hasn’t posted a selfie to Instagram in a week. But if anybody needs this type of security, it’s the Kardashians. Especially Khloe. If we lose her, our society and civilization as we know it, would crumble and cease to exist. I take that back. If we even lose one single Kardashian, we might as well just close America, because it would be hollow and meaningless. Why bother going on living? That’s not a future we want for our kids.


Shoutout to whoever gets to follow this around every day. Respect.

Morning

A photo posted by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

Donald Trump’s hatred of women extends to not letting the Kim Kardashian robbery news cycle live, but it’s Monday, so Kris Jenner is trying again. Basically, Kim Kardashian is more…

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Alexis Arquette Had HIV For 29 YearsBy toddSeptember 22, 2016
Alexis Arquette Had HIV For 29 Years


Like most of America and American political discourse, Alexis Arquette died on 9/11. Her death certificate was released yesterday. 

Alexis Arquette had been living with HIV for 29 years before dying of cardiac arrest on Sept. 11, PEOPLE confirms.  According to her death certificate, the 47-year-old actress and activist had a bacterial infection of the heart for three weeks and had been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, a disease of the heart, three years prior. The underlying cause of death was confirmed as HIV.

29 years is long time to have any disease, and if my math is right, she had it 4 years longer than Magic Johnson. And Magic Johnson is still walking around in suits at red carpet events. It’s good to know that in our society at least HIV isn’t racist. 

Like most of America and American political discourse, Alexis Arquette died on 9/11. Her death certificate was released yesterday.  Alexis Arquette had been living with HIV for 29 years before…

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‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Is The Title Of The New Star Wars MovieBy toddNovember 06, 2014
‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Is The Title Of The New Star Wars Movie

 

About two hours ago, Disney officially confirmed principle photography for JJ Abrams’ new Star Wars flick had been completed, and in the same tweet, the revealed the title. Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Probably at 5am because that’s when Harrison Ford meets his friends at Hardees for coffee. lol bc he’s old.

  About two hours ago, Disney officially confirmed principle photography for JJ Abrams’ new Star Wars flick had been completed, and in the same tweet, the revealed the title. Star…

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Keira Knightley Went Topless For InterviewBy toddNovember 06, 2014

Hey, remember about four years ago when I was completely obsessed with Keira Knightley and I’d post about her like everyday? You do? Cool. You don’t? Cool. Anyway, she posed topless for Interview with one caveat: they didn’t retouch or make her boobs bigger than they are.  (via Daily Mail)

‘I’ve had my body manipulated so many different times for so many different reasons, whether it’s paparazzi photographers or for film posters.’…’That [shoot] was one of the ones where I said: “OK, I’m fine doing the topless shot so long as you don’t make them any bigger or retouch.” Because it does feel important to say it really doesn’t matter what shape you are.‘ 

Yeah, so there’s not really much you can say to that. Tits or not, Keira Knightley is sexy fuck and doesn’t really care if you think so or not. (Hint: that makes her more sexy). You can see the NSFW pic here, and if you think her boobs look uneven, congrats! You’ve just seen your first pair! Somebody needs to get you “I Just Saw My First Real Boobs” sticker and maybe a lollipop. So proud of you! So proud.

 

 

 

 
Hey, remember about four years ago when I was completely obsessed with Keira Knightley and I’d post about her like everyday? You do? Cool. You don’t? Cool. Anyway, she posed…

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Jessica Biel’s Growing Fetus Has Been ConfirmedBy toddNovember 05, 2014

Note: Yes, these pictures are of Zooey Deschanel, but they were labeled “Jessica Biel” on WENN. Much like Justin Timberlake, it’s too late to pull out now. We just have to all make the best of it.

 

Hey, remember when we all speculated like Jessica Biel was pregnant? Turns out she really is pregnant! Oh, man! What exciting news this is that people we don’t know are having a baby we will also never know! Fantastic!

Biel’s having a baby! Jessica Biel is pregnant and expecting her first child with Justin Timberlake, multiple sources reveal in the new issue of Us Weekly. “Right now they are just enjoying the news for themselves,” one pal tells Us of the Blunderer actress, 32, and Timberlake, 33, who dated on and off for five years before getting engaged in January 2012. “They just want a happy baby.”

I am so glad that Obama’s radical, Kenyan, Illuminati alien, lizard socialist policies are over, because as soon as Republicans took control of Washington last night, a rich, white couple announced they were having a baby. lol suck it libtards! #america #freedom #tcot #vote #blessed

Note: Yes, these pictures are of Zooey Deschanel, but they were labeled “Jessica Biel” on WENN. Much like Justin Timberlake, it’s too late to pull out now. We just have…

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Rihanna Was A Ninja TurtleBy toddNovember 03, 2014

Although she’s never received training in the art of self-defense, Rihanna went as Sexy Ninja Turtle for Halloween, because whatever Rihanna wears makes you want to have sex with her. I normally don’t like reboot movies, but if they can remake TMNT tomorrow with Rihanna and Megan Fox, then I’d actually pay to see that. I may even go by myself. And sit in the back. And wear a long coat. No, only because it’s fall and movie theaters are pretty cold. Don’t make this weird.

Although she’s never received training in the art of self-defense, Rihanna went as Sexy Ninja Turtle for Halloween, because whatever Rihanna wears makes you want to have sex with her….

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The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last NightBy toddMarch 03, 2014
The 86th Annual Academy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please note that Sound Mixing and Cinematography are not listed. Mostly because I have no idea what those things are. What does mixing stuff with cinnamon have to do with a making a movie? It just makes no sense. Also, Matthew McConaughey is damn handsome man. I can admit that.

 

BEST PICTURE: 12 Years a Slave

BEST ACTOR: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

ACTRESS: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Spike Jonze, Her

  As my brilliant title suggests, the 86th Annual Academy Awards were last night, and before we get into everything, here's the list of winners that you care about. Please…

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Muslims Hate Katy Perry NowBy toddFebruary 28, 2014

 

Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people to get exercise, but then he gave them a bunch of bread. Carbs? Make up your mind, Jesus! Damn.  Also, a mountain? Nice acoustics, jackass. Anyway, like most Christians, Katy Perry likes to pull out the Christian card when it fits her needs, and she sees herself as some evolved spiritualist who embraces all faiths and religions, but mostly those people just smoke a lot of weed. But for her music video for "Dark Horse", she did a thing that pissed off Muslims. That's always a good idea.

A number of Muslim netizens around the world are upset with her music video and are insulted by a scene in which Katy was seen destroying a man with his pendant depicting the Arabic word for "Allah".  Petitions for Youtube to bring down the music video have also been issued by Muslim netizens.

A person who wasn't Muslim mentioned the word "Allah" in something, so naturally there's petitions going around to have this video removed and Katy Perry beheaded or stoned or whatever Muslims do to women who won't have sex with them. Hey, man. Try a few compliments and maybe a nice dinner. Also, make her laugh. All religions are dumb and make no sense, but one thing they all do well is wait for the chance to get offended. Religious people love that shit. They also always want you to join because if you join, that means they aren't as crazy because it sounded like a good idea to you too. But Islam? Nah, brah. I can't fuck with a religion that promises you get to bang 1,000 virgins when you get to heaven. Sorry. That sounds mad boring. I don't have time to sit down and have a talk to explain things a thousand times. If you could just bend over and let me pull your arms behind your back so I can use you as a counterweight without me having to use a logistics flow process diagram that would be ideal.

  Katy Perry is probably the furthest thing from what Jesus had in mind when he made people climb a mountain to hear him talk. Apparently Jesus also wanted people…

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