NopeBy toddMay 27, 2014
Nope

 

Apparently all of the recent "holy shit Jessica Simpson looks amazing again" pics were all vicious lies and cunning demonry, because she posted these pictures on Instagram today and I don't know, man. She kinda looks like a stage mom who had a few extra minutes left with her daughter's photographer and decided to just got for it. What is happening here? Have we all been decieved? Why do her legs look like that? That's gross, right? Looks like you could grind them up and make glue or possibly dog food.

 

 

Jessica Simpson Instagram

  Apparently all of the recent "holy shit Jessica Simpson looks amazing again" pics were all vicious lies and cunning demonry, because she posted these pictures on Instagram today and…

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They’re MarriedBy toddMay 27, 2014
They’re Married

 

Just so we're clear, I'm spending zero time on the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West wedding today. Not because I think I'm somehow above it, there's just a lot of crap and I really don't feel like being here all day. Plus it's dumb. So, if you need quick recap of everything that went down, head on over to The Superficial and he'll take you on the sexual journey of your life. Also, did you know that Lebron James has never signed an NBA max contract? Pretty crazyt, right? I never would have thought that. So glad we had this talk. Hit me up later.

 

  Just so we're clear, I'm spending zero time on the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West wedding today. Not because I think I'm somehow above it, there's just a lot…

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Hugh Jackman Got Skin Cancer AgainBy toddMay 09, 2014
Hugh Jackman Got Skin Cancer Again

 

For the second time since November, Hugh Jackman got skin cancer on his nose. #whitepeopleproblems

Another Basel Cell Carsinoma. All out now. Thanks Dr. Albom and Dr. Arian. PLEASE! PLEASE! WEAR SUNSCREEN!

I still have my winter tan, so I can't relate, but cancer sucks and I'm glad Hugh Jackman is cool now. FUN FACT: He is also a X-Men 3 survivor.

 

On a sidenote, thank you, Carolina Panthers.

 

  For the second time since November, Hugh Jackman got skin cancer on his nose. #whitepeopleproblems Another Basel Cell Carsinoma. All out now. Thanks Dr. Albom and Dr. Arian. PLEASE!…

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Drunk Reese Witherspoon Is The Best Reese WitherspoonBy toddMay 08, 2014

 

We found out last year that Reese Witherspoon's image as America's sweetheart was basically Denzel Washington in Flight when he was in the hotel room and had to testify the next morning, because she likes to get turnt up on the regular. In this video, shot by model Cara Delevinge in an elevator at the MET Gala, a drunk Witherspoon charmingly bullies the whole elevator (which includes Kate Upton and Zooey Deschanel) then drops some sex advice.

"I love you Kara. Cara. I don't know what your fuckin' name is," says Reese in the video. "That's super French*," says Reese. "Delevingne," she purrs….."[You know] what's the most important thing in a name—for a girl? It's that a man can whisper it into his pillow."

This may seem weird and strange to some people, but Reese Withersppon is from the South, and this basically how every woman in the South acts, and there's really no defense for it. Are they talking shit about me? Why am I smiling though? Is she a bitch? Man, she looks really classy. Did she just make fun of my hair? God, I want to be her best friend.

 

  We found out last year that Reese Witherspoon's image as America's sweetheart was basically Denzel Washington in Flight when he was in the hotel room and had to testify…

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Brooklyn Decker Makes Jennifer Aniston CryBy toddMay 12, 2010

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In Just Go With It, the new Sandler movie now filming in Hawaii, Jennifer Aniston’s fading media-created hotness is once again completely overmatched by her co-star, Brooklyn Decker. So of course, Jennifer Aniston’s constant need and insecurity has made her a whiny, difficult bitch on set. To recap, Brooklyn Decker is insanely hot, was discovered in a mall in Charlotte, NC, and is married to Andy Roddick, the only American male tennis player ranked in the top 10. Jennifer Aniston is not hot, and thanks to being born to actor John Aniston and actress Nancy Dow, Aniston’s fame was handed to her. Yet she couldn’t even carry a movie if the only thing she was allergic to was kryptonite. If somebody was drunk enough to marry her and get her pregnant, she could maybe get a job at MILF Hunter. The ORIGINAL reality porn site dedicated to MILFs and mature sex! Most credit cards accepted.

In Just Go With It, the new Sandler movie now filming in Hawaii, Jennifer Aniston’s fading media-created hotness is once again completely overmatched by her co-star, Brooklyn Decker. So of…

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Brock Hogan Has Hot FriendsBy toddMay 11, 2010

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Brock Hogan looks like she was on stage at a transvestite beauty pageant when she got blasted with gamma radiation, but whoever her friend is, she has a hot ass. That’s good for me, because I like chick’s with hot asses. The guy that lets me sneak in the morgue at night says he’s sure I’ll find one someday.

Brock Hogan looks like she was on stage at a transvestite beauty pageant when she got blasted with gamma radiation, but whoever her friend is, she has a hot ass….

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Buy AmericanBy toddMay 11, 2010
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Here’s Marisa Miller in her new ads for Harley Davidson, and I don’t know what the Japanese think about all this, but maybe they should have thought about that before…whatever. It’s Marisa Miller and her perfect body straddling a motorcycle. The only way these pictures could be any better is if she was riding a Pegasus and flew on my balcony.

Here’s Marisa Miller in her new ads for Harley Davidson, and I don’t know what the Japanese think about all this, but maybe they should have thought about that before…whatever….

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Elisha Cuthbert Is DifferentBy toddMay 11, 2010

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There was a time when I would have shot a litter of pound puppies in the face to lick Elisha Cuthbert’s ass, but that time was ten minutes ago. I don’t want to say she’s put on weight, but no, wait, yes I do. You probably can’t see it, but the bucket of chicken tied to her leg is there just in case. She had to wait an hour to get in the water after the last bucket, you know.

There was a time when I would have shot a litter of pound puppies in the face to lick Elisha Cuthbert’s ass, but that time was ten minutes ago. I…

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Kendra’s Sex Tape Is Basically A GangbangBy toddMay 10, 2010

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The awesome just got awesome, because the fantastic RadarOnline is reporting that Kendra Wilkinson sex tape is a gangbang.

New documents uncovered by RadarOnline.com show that not only were there multiple sex tapes , as we exclusively reported, but also multiple partners! And while Kendra has threatened to sue if the tapes are released she has not returned requests for comment about her attempts to secretly sell the tapes and the company she formed in November, 2008 to do so. While attempting to sell the tapes in 2008 Kendra was already with Philadelphia Eagles’ wide receiver Hank Baskett, who is now her husband. She needed the approval of Playboy’s Hugh Heffner to go through with the deal, as she was starring in her final season of The Girls Next Door.

Kendra has a sick body, but her mask is all kinds of fucked up, so I’m glad her face is apparently gonna be covered.

The awesome just got awesome, because the fantastic RadarOnline is reporting that Kendra Wilkinson sex tape is a gangbang. New documents uncovered by RadarOnline.com show that not only were there…

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Tom Cruise Has Great FriendsBy toddMay 10, 2010

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Shortly after the death of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard in 1986, David Miscavige (banner pic) became the leader Church of Scientology. He is one of Tom Cruise’s closest friends and even served as best man at Cruise’s 2006 wedding to Katie Holmes. That’s what best friends do. Oh, and show your recorded confessionals at parties. TMZ reports:

Tom Cruise was secretly videotaped as he spilled his guts in Scientology confessional sessions, and those tapes became fodder for Scientology cocktail party humor … this according to a high-profile and former high-level member of Scientology. Mark Rathbun says in his blog, he recorded Cruise during the confessional sessions and Scientology guru David Miscavige read the transcripts at parties, “joking and laughing” at them. Rathbun says the video was “well-concealed” in the VIP auditing room, per orders of Miscavige. Rathbun says Miscavige ordered him to prepare transcripts of the sessions. Then, according to Rathbun, Miscavige would hold late night whiskey parties, reading the transcripts and laughing out loud. The nature of Tom’s alleged confessions were not disclosed.

Miscavige suffers from asthma and severe allergies and he might be 5’1″ if he wore stilts and stood on a park bench, so I’m not understanding how Tom Cruise could let him get away with this. I’m pretty sure you could trap him in a room by having a cat and pollen guard the door.

Shortly after the death of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard in 1986, David Miscavige (banner pic) became the leader Church of Scientology. He is one of Tom Cruise’s closest friends…

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