Apparently you had to look at Christina Hendricks twice today for a period of time. Not sure what that was about. But the leading theory from my boss is that I'm a moron. He makes some very valid points. He's pretty smart and has great hair. He also surfs I think. Did I mention he has great hair? It's pretty great. They had to stop a meeting once because everybody was complimenting it and nobody could remember the action items from the webinar. So to make up for Double Hendricks, here's Ashley Benson at the 2013 Teen Choice Awards. She could probably also attend the Male 18-100 Choice Awards and still win something. Because people find her very attractive.
If you squint really hard, you can tell that floating red dress is Christina Hendricks walking to some private house party this weekend. Huge boobs aside, she's just a fat, pale mess who dyes her hair red. Probably some dude got an erection while seeing this, but I'm pretty sure at least one person called SyFy to report a ghost sighting.
So yeah, here's Miley Cyrus at the 2013 Teen Choice awards. Like Justin Bieber and every white rapper, Miley's blackface is more subtle that it was 100 years ago and is more inferred. But if CNN said today that we're lynching black people again, Justin Bieber and Riff Raff would be wearing American flag polo shirts and bolo ties when they announced their Freedon Tour with Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood, and Miley would release an album of Amy Grant covers before you finished reading this. In the meantime, it's just Miley being what her record label's image consultants says Miley should be. Enjoy!
The kick ass movie blog Coming Soon has the first leaked production stills for the Robocop remake (more pics over there), so here’s Joel Kinnaman (The Killing, Safe House) as Alex Murphy/Robocop. He’s apparently a big fan of black now. Coming Soon reports:
In RoboCop, the year is 2028 and multinational conglomerate OmniCorp is at the center of robot technology. Their drones are winning American wars around the globe and now they want to bring this technology to the home front. Alex Murphy (Kinnaman) is a loving husband, father and good cop doing his best to stem the tide of crime and corruption in Detroit. After he is critically injured in the line of duty, OmniCorp utilizes their remarkable science of robotics to save Alex’s life. He returns to the streets of his beloved city with amazing new abilities, but with issues a regular man has never had to face before.
Confession time: The original Robocop is one of my all time favorite movies and I quote it almost daily. The suit looks a little too Dark Knighterish to me, but please keep in mind that this movie also stars Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, and Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Earle Haley, and Michael K. Williams. The only I would have came harder just now is if just found out that Michael Shannon was my biological father.
Lindsay Lohan has been on Twitter inserting herself into almost every news story lately, and yesterday she did some rails then wanted to know why Amanda Bynes isn’t in jail. Repeat: LINDSAY LOHAN is wondering why Amanda Bynes hasn’t been prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Interesting.
May 26, 2007 – Arrested after a Beverly Hills car accident. Charged with a misdemeanor hit and run and a DUI for alcohol or possibly cocaine.
July 24, 2007 – Arrested in Santa Monica, CA for a DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility and driving on a suspended license.
August 23, 2007 – Charged with seven misdemeanors. Sentenced to rehab, 36 months probation, 18 months alcohol education, 10 days community service and one day of jail.
November 15, 2007 – Reports to the detention center in Lynwood, CA, for a minimum 24-hour stay, but is released after 84 minutes due to overcrowding.
March 13 – 16, 2009 – Arrest warrant is issued after Lohan violates her probation. Updated county paperwork proves she is not in violation of probation and the warrant is dropped.
October 16, 2009 – Her three-year probation sentence from 2007 is extended a year so she can complete required alcohol counseling.
May 20, 2010 – Fails to appear in court after purportedly losing her passport at the Cannes Film Festival in France. Judge issues an arrest warrant and sets bail for $100,000, which is paid.
May 24, 2010 – Appears in court after completing 10 of 13 required alcohol counseling sessions. Conditions for bail include no alcohol, weekly random-drug testing, and wearing an alcohol-monitoring bracelet.
July 6, 2010 – Is sentenced to 90 days in jail for violating probation and missing alcohol counseling sessions.
July 20 – August 2, 2010 – Handcuffed in a Beverly Hills courtroom and taken to jail. Serves 13 days in the same Lynwood facility where she served 84 minutes in 2007.
September 24, 2010 – Appears in court after failing a drug test. Probation is revoked and she is jailed. She is later released on $300,000 bail and ordered to wear an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet.
October 22, 2010 – Ordered to remain in rehab until January 3, 2011, for probation violation.
December 12, 2010 – While in rehab, a Betty Ford Clinic staffer accuses Lohan of criminal battery. Charges are ultimately dropped.
January 22, 2011 – Allegedly walks out of a store wearing a $2,500 necklace.
February 9, 2011 – Is arraigned and booked on felony grand theft charges and released on $40,000 bail.
March 23, 2011 – Rejects plea offer regarding felony charges for necklace.
April 22, 2011 – For violating 2007 drunk driving probation, she is sentenced to 120 days in jail, 480 hours of community service and 360 hours to be served at a women’s center and the Los Angeles County morgue. She is taken into custody but is released after posting a $75,000 bail.
April 22, 2011 – Charges in the necklace theft are reduced to a misdemeanor.
May 6, 2011 – Begins community service at the Downtown Women’s Center in Los Angeles.
May 11, 2011 – Enters a plea of no contest in the necklace theft case. Sentence remains the same as was handed out on April 22 with two days credit for time served plus 3 years probation.
May 26, 2011 – Begins serving her 120-day sentence. Due to overcrowding, Lohan is fitted with an electronic monitoring device and sent home to serve her sentence.
June 23, 2011 – Lohan is called to court regarding her probation for the 2007 drunk driving case because pictures have surfaced of her partying and she failed a blood alcohol test. Judge orders her to entertain no more than one person at a time.
June 29, 2011 – House arrest ends after 35 days. She is still on probation.
October 19, 2011 – Lohan’s probation is revoked for not performing community service. A $100,000 bail is posted, and she is instructed to perform community service until her Nov. 2 court date.
For the sake of time, I left out everything Lindsay has done in 2012, but to recap, Amanda Bynes got a DUI, been charged with two-hit-runs, and had her car impounded for driving on a suspended license. Compared to Lindsay, she should be elected Mayor and given a copy of everybody’s car keys.
If you want to see topless pictures of Kate Middleton that look like they were taken by the same camera that took a picture of Bigfoot, head on over to Egotastic if blurry, small titties are your thing. They were taken while Prince William and His cousin, Kate Middleton, were on vacation in France, then published by the French magazine Closer. Now everyone is mad.
As their goodwill tour of Asia continues, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are “saddened,” angry and considering legal options as French magazine Closer published topless photos of Kate on Thursday. “We certainly feel a red line’s been crossed,” a palace source tells PEOPLE of the photos, which were taken during William and Kate’s private holiday in France. The source also said that the mood at the palace back home is “one of anger and disbelief.”
Whatever, the royal family are celebrities. Nothing more. I mean, Fergie calls herself the Duchess. Let’s not get carried away here. The Queen and everybody in Windsor Palace are The Hills Have Eyes with diamonds and jewels they stole from Africa. They have no political influence whatsoever and are a bunch of drunk racists who murdered Princess Di. They only thing they should be apologizing about is the fact that Kate doesn’t have breast implants yet.
GET HER OFF THE FUCKING ROAD. Thanks. TMZ reports:
Amanda was driving her black BMW 5-series out of a parking lot on Sunset Boulevard around 10:30PM when she tapped the bumper of a white car in front of her, leaving little or no damage. According to our camera guy … Amanda was attempting to cover her face when she love-tapped the other vehicle — and both drivers left without exchanging information on the scene. It’s unclear if the other driver reported the fender bender to cops, but it’s a damn good bet Amanda and her suspended license did NOT.
You know those starving kids in Africa commercials where the old guy stands next a kid with flies in their eyes while they eat a shoe out of the garbage? Why doesn’t the old guy feed the kid? I mean, he’s already there. Why ask me for money? I guess what I’m asking is why doesn’t TMZ slash this chick’s tires or drop a cobra in backseat? Maybe because it wouldn’t do anything to help their traffic.
Doutzen Kroes was doing a shoot in a bikini yesterday, and I know, I know. She’s not a “real woman” and “needs to eat”. Btw, how are those chocolate pork rinds? Tasty I bet. Mmmm, pork rinds.
Some dick stole all the DVDs from Texas Children’s Hospital, and you can help make it right [The Superficial]
Candice Swanepoel has a butt-minder [Popoholic]
Olivia Munn clothed > Alison Pill topless? [Hollywood Tuna]
Chad Johnson was officially charged with battery [MyEx]
Fiona Apple is 35 [Dlisted]
Adele will sing the new Bond theme song [Celebuzz]
Dr. Phil interviewed Dina Lohan, she was wasted [Celebitchy]
Irina Shayk in lingerie (NSFW site) [The Nip Slip]
If you ever rob a bank, throwing money out the windows when you know you are caught won’t help you [COED Magazine]
How to explain TV shows to different people [College Humor]
If you had basement bars like these you would never leave the house [The Chive]
Here’s your chance to judge supermodels on their bikini bodies [Moe Jackson]
Miley Cyrus is still lezing it up for attention [Celebslam]
Adriana Lima had her baby, gave it a normal name [The Blemish]
Christina Hendricks tried to hide her rack [Evil Beet Gossip]
Levi Johnston is a father again, named it after a gun [Amy Gindhouse]
Spring Breakers doesn’t suck as hard as you would think [Lainey Gossip]
Izabel Goulart is amazing [Egotastic]
So many kids just born, including Nick Lachey‘s [Popcrush]
An adorable “animals covering their eyes with their paws” supercut [Film Drunk]
The X Factor premiered last night, here’s what you missed [TooFab]
Kirk Douglas donated $10 million to a homeless mission [Allie Is Wired]
Kathy Bates has breast cancer [Celebrity VIP Lounge]
This guy would be OK with nuclear war as long as the hot Indian chicks survive [okWeirdo]
Transformers 4 is all about selling toys [ComingSoon]
Ant-Man is really happening [Superhero Hype]
The original Taken was an unexpected hit, so of course the studio is going to ride this thing out to squeeze every last dollar they can from tales of white girls getting kidnapped. So now we have Taken 2. But this time his wife gets kidnapped. In reality, this movie should have lasted five minutes and just have one scene where they’re at an Applebee’s and Liam Neeson takes all these bitches’ passports.