Taylor Swift Has Already Written Five Songs About Harry StylesBy toddJanuary 14, 2013



Two days after the news broke that she was dumped yet again, Taylor Swift tweeted this. If you’re doing the math at home, she wrote a song for every 13 days they were together. Sun reports:

HEARTBROKEN Taylor Swift has already penned FIVE songs about her break-up with Harry Styles — despite the couple only splitting a week ago. The American singer is back in the studio and deciding whether to release more tracks about another failed showbiz relationship. Grammy winner Taylor, 23, has just had a No1 hit called We Are Never, which is rumoured to be about Hollywood actor Jake Gyllenhaal. And the star — who only dated One Direction pin-up Harry, 18, for 66 days — also pulled out her poison pen for US singer John Mayer in song Dear John. A source revealed: “Taylor writes music in the same way that other women chat to their friends on the phone. “It’s been how she deals with her emotions for most of her life. “Harry and Taylor only dated for a short time but there were very strong feelings, so it’s been a tough comedown.” The source added: “Lyrics have been written, but Taylor hasn’t come close to deciding whether she’ll ever release them. A song about it will surface at some point but it won’t be anything like the way she had a dig at her other ex John Mayer in one of her other tracks.”

Taylor Swift has been attached to 13 dudes in 4 years, so is she really looking for love or trying to set a world record in imaginary bridal registries? Stop asking dudes to pick out baby names on the first date. Stop buying a house in their neighborhood on the third. Get a tan. Find out why your eyes look Asian. Chill with the bangs. Stop dating dudes based on whether you can check them out of school. Learn a new kind of song. Maybe think about implants. When a guy shows interest in you, go home and practice your sane face in the mirror the same way you do your “I’m so shocked to win this award” face. Watch more Investigative Discovery. Get a cat. Get two cats. I can’t think of anything else right now, but stay away from dick for a while.

Two days after the news broke that she was dumped yet again, Taylor Swift tweeted this. If you’re doing the math at home, she wrote a song for every 13…

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Olivia Wilde Is Engaged To Jason SudeikisBy toddJanuary 14, 2013



When she was 19, Olivia Wilde married an Italian prince in 2003. They were divorced in September 2011. She started dating Jason Sudeikis in November 2011. They are now engaged. Olivia Wilde is like a Taylor Swift who can close. People reports:

Saturday Night Live funnyman Jason Sudeikis is definitely serious about his relationship with actress Olivia Wilde. The actor proposed to Wilde shortly after the holidays, PEOPLE has learned exclusively. “They are so excited,” says a source close to both. “And very, very happy.” Sudeikis, 37, and Wilde, 28, who has said she fell “blissfully, hopelessly, wildly in love” with the actor, began dating in November of 2011 and moved in together last year.

I really have nothing bad to say about either of them, so I guess I’ll just say congratulations. It’s always nice when someone is married for eight years then gets divorced and immediately marries somebody else. I don’t see any issues there.

When she was 19, Olivia Wilde married an Italian prince in 2003. They were divorced in September 2011. She started dating Jason Sudeikis in November 2011. They are now engaged….

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Dear GodBy toddMarch 30, 2009

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Not to sound mean, but my unbridled hate for the Kardashians has made me appreciate the idea of car bombs, and I hope their father (this dude) is in a special place in hell, but damn this chick has giant boobs. Boobs are awesome in general, but huge boobs are like an eagle soaring in the heavens or a kid with MS finishing a sack race. They are miracles to be beheld with awe and wonder. In fact, instead of a swastika, the Nazis should have made their symbol a pair of DDs in a wet t-shirt. Who knows, things may have turned out differently.

Not to sound mean, but my unbridled hate for the Kardashians has made me appreciate the idea of car bombs, and I hope their father (this dude) is in a…

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Links To Rat Out Your Daddy ForBy daveMarch 30, 2009

The above private voicemail was supposedly recorded in January and is, thus far, the only concrete evidence that Daddy Spears might be as controlling as Adnan and Sam Lutfi were.

Paris Hilton loves a lot of stuff. [EbaumNation]

Every time you think J.Lo is dead and you never have to think about her again, she pops up in some ridiculous outfit. At this point, someone’s gonna have to off her, straight up. [LaineyGossip]

Nic Cage
is looking grunge-y on the set of his new flick. [BadandUgly]

I think this tight dress on Sara Underwood couldn’t be tighter without ripping off her sweet, sweet body. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Madonna’s pilgrimage to get another child continues. [ICYDK]

Holly Madison is anti-airbrushing, which is fine (more…)

The above private voicemail was supposedly recorded in January and is, thus far, the only concrete evidence that Daddy Spears might be as controlling as Adnan and Sam Lutfi were….

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Hedi Kulm Nude On A BeachBy daveMarch 29, 2009
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So you want your gossip to be timely, eh? Too bad. When I find nude Hedi Klum, nude Hedi Klum trumps whatever else I’m working on.

These particular pics are shot by photographer Russell James, from his book titled Russell James. You can find him online, unsurprisingly, at RussellJames.com. Anyone getting the idea Russell James loves Russell James?

So you want your gossip to be timely, eh? Too bad. When I find nude Hedi Klum, nude Hedi Klum trumps whatever else I’m working on. These particular pics are…

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Man-Panties Sniffed Aboard The Good Ship MayerBy daveMarch 29, 2009
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John Mayer does something called the Mayercraft Cruise and though I was groaning and bitching about how I didn’t care, I did delve deep into the official site to look for a description of the event, because if I didn’t this would be a post full of penis/John-Mayer-Is-Lame jokes:

Get ready for the best four days and four nights of your life. The original Mayercraft Carrier marked the start of something special: incredible performances (and unique choices of outfits), lasting friendships, and stories that seem too good to be true. John had such a great time onboard last year that he’s doing it all over again. Get ready for the Mayercraft Carrier 2: Even Craftier!

We’ll be shipping off the West Coast, leaving from Los Angeles (Port of San Pedro), CA on March 27th, 2009 and returning March 31st. In between the two days at sea filled with non-stop music, contests, parties, theme nights, good times, John Mayer (of course), O.A.R., Guster, and many more artists – we’ll be dropping anchor for a full day in beautiful Cabo San Lucas, Mexico! You’d be crazy to miss out on all of this craftiness.

As the rest of us stay sane back on land, somewhere a boat piloted by John Mayer is floating around the sea, keeping all those crazy enough to get on a boat with John Mayer just to see O.A.R away from the general population.

If the people on that boat are the kind of people who toss their man-kini bottoms on the stage, then Mayer owes them the common courtesy of taking a face full of used-crotch smell.

It all just seems like craziness to me. If I wanted someone to smell my dick, I’m pretty sure I could hit Paris Hilton straight in the face with my dirty underwear from 20 feet away.

John Mayer does something called the Mayercraft Cruise and though I was groaning and bitching about how I didn’t care, I did delve deep into the official site to look…

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Sham-POW!By daveMarch 28, 2009

Observe Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy in his natural habitat above. Showing you how, dammit, you can mop up anything with that ShamWow. Except your shame when you punch a hooker in the face 4 times. Yeah, unless were talking about liquid shame (semen), the ShamWow can’t wipe up existential crisis. Here’s Vince’s mugshot:

Vince went down to Miami and being in a new city didn’t have his usual ShamFloozies to stick his rod into, so he did what any normal television spokesperson would do and hired a hooker. This particular hooker is named Sasha Harris and she’s 26:

Reports the Smoking Gun:

According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she “propositioned him for straight sex.” Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

(more…)

Observe Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy in his natural habitat above. Showing you how, dammit, you can mop up anything with that ShamWow. Except your shame when you punch a…
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