Usher Is ApologeticBy jessMarch 05, 2011
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Usher joined Beyonce and Nelly Furtado in their shame at performing for Moammar Gadhafi. E! Online reports:

Usher is the latest star to express regret for ever taking money from coffers connected to the Libyan dictator, who has been engaging his supporters in a bloody battle against rebel forces who are trying to expel him from power.

The R&B star joins Nelly Furtado and BeyoncĂ© in the never-again pool of artists who say they unknowingly performed for six-figure fees at private events involving Gadhafi’s family and are now passing their paychecks along to good causes.

Actually, BeyoncĂ©’s rep confirmed that the pop-R&B superstar donated her $1 million to earthquake relief efforts in Haiti last year, immediately after learning of the Gadhafi connection.

“I am sincerely troubled to learn about the circumstances surrounding the Nikki Beach St. Bart’s event that took place on New Year’s Eve 2009, ” Usher said in a statement issued Friday. “I will be donating all of my personal proceeds from that event to various human rights organizations.”

According to his rep, Usher has already donated to Amnesty International and will continue to give to other human rights charities throughout the year.

Furtado admitted last week to taking $1 million for a private performance in 2007 and vowed to donate the same amount to charity.

If Usher really wants to repent, he needs to send Justin Bieber to perform in Libya. Ideally, Bieber would get caught in the crossfire. If not, we can still bet that Gadhafi will either surrender, kill himself, or die laughing the first time this kid says “shawty.”

Usher joined Beyonce and Nelly Furtado in their shame at performing for Moammar Gadhafi. E! Online reports: Usher is the latest star to express regret for ever taking money from…

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Mike Huckabee Hates Natalie PortmanBy jessMarch 05, 2011
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Despite Natalie Portman having a fiancee and being more than rich enough to support a baby, Mike Huckabee attacked her for glorifying single moms. Uh, okay. From E! Online:

“I was asked about Oscar winner Natalie Portman’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy,” he explained on his blog, Huck PAC. “Natalie is an extraordinary actor, very deserving of her recent Oscar and I am glad she will marry her baby’s father. However, contrary to what the Hollywood media reported, I did not ‘slam’ or ‘attack’ Natalie Portman, nor did I criticize the hardworking single mothers in our country.”

At least, not unless you count this as a criticism: “Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have healthcare,” which is what Huckabee said during a radio interview earlier this week that hit the mainstream media last night.

Huckabee clearly does not consider his comment as a slight, because he repeated himself, almost verbatim, in his clarification.

“My comments were about the statistical reality that most single moms are very poor, under-educated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death,” he wrote. “That’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that society often glorifies and glamorizes the idea of having children out of wedlock.”

Some male ballet dancer finds a cash cow and Mike Huckabee gets pissed? There are plenty of better reasons to dislike Natalie Portman. For example, the hypocrisy of her comparing eating meat to rape, then defending a guy who drugged and sodomized a teenager. Or that she produced and starred in a movie with Ashton Kutcher.

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Despite Natalie Portman having a fiancee and being more than rich enough to support a baby, Mike Huckabee attacked her for glorifying single moms. Uh, okay. From E! Online: “I…

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Lindsay Will Accept Plea Bargain, Will Do 18 Days In JailBy toddMarch 04, 2011

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Gonna go burn LA to the ground. brb. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer and the prosecutor have been trying to hammer out a plea bargain but have hit a wall, so now they’re having a pow wow with the judge to break the stalemate. Sources connected to the case tell TMZ … Shawn Holley has been speaking with Dannette Meyers about copping a plea in Lindsay’s felony grand theft case — the whole necklace thing — but Meyers won’t budge on six months in jail. So … we’ve learned Holley and Meyers will go to court next week and meet with Judge Keith Schwartz in his chambers. We’re told Holley will ask the judge what sentence he’d hand down if Lindsay pleads guilty or no contest. Sources familiar with the case and Judge Schwartz believe Hiz Honor would probably go for a three-month sentence. Our sources say both Meyers and Holley believe Lindsay will only do 20% of the actual sentence because of overcrowding. So, if Judge Schwartz gave Lindsay three months, she’d only serve 18 days. Judge Schwartz is known as a settlement judge, so it’s likely a deal can be struck … IF Lindsay’s willing to accept reality — that she’s going to do some jail time, no matter what.

I won’t get into why jails in this country are overcrowded (I’ll let Bill Hicks do that), but goddamn. 18 days? I’ve been on vacations longer than that. At the end of the 18 days do they take her out in the street and stone her? Do they put her in a shopping cart and push her off a cliff? No? Then I really don’t understand what we’re accomplishing here other than making me want to go outside and punch a stranger. This stranger might have kids. Or wear glasses. Or have a disability. Ask yourself, Judge Schwartz. Can you live with that?

Note: Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice you used the term “pow wow”, TMZ.

Gonna go burn LA to the ground. brb. TMZ reports: Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer and the prosecutor have been trying to hammer out a plea bargain but have hit a wall,…

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Kelly Brook Is A Very Good ShopperBy toddMarch 03, 2011

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Kelly Brook went shopping in L.A. yesterday, and I don’t know how many people were in this parking lot at the time, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say if you shined a blacklight on it, you could see it from space.

Kelly Brook went shopping in L.A. yesterday, and I don’t know how many people were in this parking lot at the time, but I’m going to go out on a…

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This Might Be BanksyBy toddMarch 03, 2011
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No one has ever seen the face of legendary graffiti artist and political activist, Bansky, but Gawker claims to have pictures of the guy, who was once asked to create a special intro to Simpsons then proceeded to make everyone instantly regret it with this unflinching awesomeness, working on a piece in LA. Which is pretty weird, because Jessica Simpson is working on a piece in LA, too. A three piece. Haha, because she’s fat! Get it?!

Click the pic below to see some more of Banksy’s stuff:

No one has ever seen the face of legendary graffiti artist and political activist, Bansky, but Gawker claims to have pictures of the guy, who was once asked to create…
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Kim Kardashian Released Her First SingleBy toddMarch 02, 2011

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Thanks to the magic of AutoTune and a black guy’s (Dream) predisposition to like fat asses, Kim Kardashian released her first single “Jam (Turn It Up)” today on Ryan Seacrest’s show. I’m not saying it’s bad, but have ever heard a kitten get shot in the face with a pellet gun then hung up by it’s back legs and set on fire? You haven’t? Oh, well this sounds better than that. Congrats, Kim!

Thanks to the magic of AutoTune and a black guy’s (Dream) predisposition to like fat asses, Kim Kardashian released her first single “Jam (Turn It Up)” today on Ryan Seacrest’s…

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Charlie Sheen’s Kids Were Forcibly Removed From His House #LOSINGBy toddMarch 02, 2011

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You know how when you’re a kid and you have a favorite aunt, then you get older and realize she was funny and spontaneous because she was batshit insane? Yeah. The whole Charlie Sheen has been fun, but make no mistake, he’s a psychopath who needs to be chained to a wall in a dungeon next to a skeleton. TMZ reports:

A judge temporarily stripped Charlie Sheen of custody of his twin sons Tuesday, after Brooke Mueller submitted a declaration in which she alleged Charlie said, “I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom” … TMZ has learned. TMZ broke the story … Brooke’s lawyer got a temporary restraining order against Charlie, prohibiting him from going near her. The judge also ordered Charlie to surrender their twin boys — Bob and Max — to Brooke while the TRO remains in effect. Police removed the twins from Charlie’s house late Tuesday. According to legal docs, Brooke also claims … on February 23 Charlie threw a phone inside his house and then with a penknife in hand, threatened to stick it in Brooke’s eye….Sources tell TMZ Charlie’s team is furious that the order was issued and plans to go to court tomorrow in an attempt to undo it. Charlie tweeted Tuesday night, “My sons are fine … My path is now clear …. Defeat is not an option!” UPDATE: Charlie was just live on “Today” where he said he didn’t say those words, adding “it’s colorful … that’s a good one I guess. If you spend enough time around me you can formulate things and make it sound like it could have come from my mouth, but you can do that watching reruns.”

I really have no idea what the police were waiting for. Him to smoke crack out of his kid’s skull? Get them the fuck outta there. Even an alien who just came to Earth four days ago knows that Charlie Sheen shouldn’t even be allowed around pictures of his kids much less his own kids.

You know how when you’re a kid and you have a favorite aunt, then you get older and realize she was funny and spontaneous because she was batshit insane? Yeah….

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Alessandra Ambrosio Isn’t Charlie SheenBy toddMarch 02, 2011

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Alessandra Ambrosio posed in something called French in a see through something (NSFW). I don’t know what you call it exactly. I’m sure Perez Hilton could tell me, but the 13-year old Dominican boy just made him another batch of pancakes so he’s probably busy right now.

Alessandra Ambrosio posed in something called French in a see through something (NSFW). I don’t know what you call it exactly. I’m sure Perez Hilton could tell me, but the…

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Charlie Sheen Is Winning At InterviewsBy toddMarch 01, 2011

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Charlie Sheen‘s oh-goddamn-it-can’t-get-here-soon-enough interview on 20/20 is tonight, and ABC has blessed us by releasing excerpts where he talks about WINNING, his porn star girlfriends, polygamy, golden sombreros, chocolate milk, the benefits of prostitutes, being a rock star, his kids, Chuck Lorre, being the administer of violent hatred, and how he’s just an old-fashioned guy. I’ll let you guess which ones are which. All I can say is, hold on to your fucking hat.

“It’s perfect. It’s awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary. People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.”

“You’ve read about the goddesses, come on. They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.”

“I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”

“Maybe the three of us will get married. I don’t know. I’m gonna say this. It’s a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts.”

“We have a few rules here. Nobody panics. There’s no judgment. You park your judgment at the door. Nobody dies. And — enjoy every moment. What did I miss? Drink chocolate milk. We just have fun. There’s a ton of laughter in this house. A ton of love in this house. There’s a ton of nobility in this house.”

“Who wants to deal with all the small talk and nonsense? And you’re paying for something that eliminates that. And I don’t know. It makes sense to me,” he said. “As long as you’re not lying to anybody. As long as you’re not lying to people, I think whatever you’re doing, there’s no children involved in, then you’re OK. But people are going to judge it, because they’re so jealous.”

“I’m not gonna worry about it, or I can say, ‘Hey, kids, your dad’s a rockstar. Look at his experiences. Look at what he survived.’ Bang. There are some of your lessons, but the real lessons are gonna be in the future.”

“It was a fake friendship. I never felt respected in a way that I should have been. … I showed up and this dude won the lottery. And so I always felt like, ‘Why am I being treated like an unwelcome relative and being given cold coffee at, like 8 PM in the middle of the fourth inning?'”

“If you destroy my family then I will deal with you with violent hatred. Sorry, it’s my code. And it’s not like it has to be delivered in a way that’s, like, you know, all obvious and — and like, you know, radio speak. But yeah, there’s some wrongs to be righted.”

“They’ll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin’-ness.”

The numbers don’t lie. Chuck [Lorre] was on his way back. He had a $48 million, four-year deal or something. He had three failed pilots. And they were ready to just like write him that final check and just be like, ‘Thanks, dude, we tried. But it didn’t work out.’ And then I walk in and deliver the lottery.”

“I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest. I’m extremely old-fashioned. I’m a nobleman. I’m chivalrous.”

The only way this interview can possibly end is with Charlie Sheen burning an X into Bree Olsen and Natty Kenly’s heads then telling them to go murder Natalie Portman.

Note: A special thanks to Chrissy Teigen who is God’s gift to Twitter and whose last name flies in the face of the whole “i before e except after c” rule. [Photo credit: I Am Legend]

Charlie Sheen‘s oh-goddamn-it-can’t-get-here-soon-enough interview on 20/20 is tonight, and ABC has blessed us by releasing excerpts where he talks about WINNING, his porn star girlfriends, polygamy, golden sombreros, chocolate milk,…

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Natalie Portman Is A HypocriteBy toddMarch 01, 2011

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Last Thursday, British fashion designer John Galliano got drunk and was caught on video just before Paris Fashion Week spewing anti-Semitic remarks to a group of women at a bar before saying, “I love Hitler” and “Your mothers, your forefathers would all be fucking gassed”. As expected, he was fired by Christian Dior. Since Natalie Portman is Jewish and never misses and opportunity to be a sanctimonious cunt, she has released a statement. You’ll never guess what it says!! Us Magazine reports:

The star, who is the face of Miss Dior Cherie perfume, said in a statement: “I am deeply shocked and disgusted by the video.” Adds the expectant mom, 29: “In light of this video, and as an individual who is proud to be Jewish, I will not be associated with Mr. Galliano in any way.” “I hope at the very least, these terrible comments remind us to reflect and act upon combating these still-existing prejudices that are the opposite of all that is beautiful.” In the shocking video, Galliano gets into a vile argument at a Paris cafe. He says, “I love Hitler,” drops offensive epithets and makes references to people being “gassed”.

Let me preface this by saying that anyone who identifies with Hitler and agrees with anything he did is a delusional sociopath who I would gladly give the gift of a morphine drip, but please keep in mind that this is the same Natalie Portman who was one of the biggest supporters of Roman Polanski. So to recap, drugging and forcibly butt fucking a 13-year old girl? No big deal. Saying you like Hitler? Well, clutch my pearls. To condemn a drunk queer who was talking out of his ass while at the same time condemning others for wanting a sexual predator brought to justice is just bad form. Like your sister when she’s on top. Dude, what’s her deal? Do I need to buy a metronome?

Last Thursday, British fashion designer John Galliano got drunk and was caught on video just before Paris Fashion Week spewing anti-Semitic remarks to a group of women at a bar…

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