Jaime Pressly Got A DUIBy toddJanuary 06, 2011

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She’s from Kinston, NC, what do you want from her? TMZ reports:

The “My Name Is Earl” star was driving in Santa Monica at around 11 PM when she was stopped. We’re told cops took notice of her vehicle after she allegedly committed a traffic violation. A field sobriety test was performed and Jaime was arrested and booked on suspicion of DUI. She was taken to the Santa Monica jail and held on $15,000 bail…Law enforcement sources tell TMZ there were no drugs in Jaime’s car. We’re also told no children were in the car. And, we know, there was no car accident.

Her bail was set at $15,000 instead of the usual $5,000, so that means that she blew over .15. Meaning, chick was Intervention drunk. But I think the police are really missing the point here. I think finding Jaime Pressly sloppy and incoherent with no chance of remembering what happened the next morning would be a good thing. But maybe I’m more of a gentleman than the Santa Monica P.D.

She’s from Kinston, NC, what do you want from her? TMZ reports: The “My Name Is Earl” star was driving in Santa Monica at around 11 PM when she was…

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This Got Bieber In Trouble, LinksBy toddJanuary 05, 2011

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Justin Bieber got grounded for kissing a girl [The Superficial]
Reese Witherspoon has a huge rock [Celebuzz]
Emmy Rossum in Esquire. Damn. [Popoholic]
Kate Gosselin got inked above her half-Korean kid bakery [Celebslam]
Halle Berry‘s ass pumps gas [DrunkenStepfatherNSFW]
Amy Childs has no feeling there. That’s my best guess. [TaxiDriverNSFW]
Eva Longoria‘s jumpoff is a Mexican. [Cele|bitchy]
Teena Marie died while taking a nap. Rock and roll!! [Allie Is Wired]
Drunk girls kissing [COED Magazine]
Your first look at the new Spider-Man [The Blemish]
Carmella Danielle DeCesare Garcia. Holy mother of God. [Heyman Hustle]
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Justin Bieber got grounded for kissing a girl [The Superficial] Reese Witherspoon has a huge rock [Celebuzz] Emmy Rossum in Esquire. Damn. [Popoholic] Kate Gosselin got inked above her half-Korean…

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Gaylor Split Because Taylor Swift Was Too Young. Riiiiggghht.By toddJanuary 05, 2011

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I don’t know if Jake Gyllenhaal and his publicist pulled reasons out of hat to explain why he broke up with a hot, skinny, 21-year old blonde, but congratulations! They pulled the gayest one! Us Magazine reports:

Taylor Swift, 21, may be hard at work penning her next break-up ballad — sources confirm to UsMagazine.com that she and Jake Gyllenhaal, 30, have ended their brief romance. “Jake reached out to her and started all of this, but now he’s not acting as interested,” a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands Wednesday). The previously inseparable pair called it quits just before New Year’s Eve, then rang in 2011 separately. “He said he wasn’t feeling it anymore and was uncomfortable with all the attention they got,” says the insider of the just over two-month romance. “He also said he could feel the age difference. Taylor is really upset. We told her not to move so fast with this but she didn’t listen.” Explains a Gyllenhaal insider, “Jake cares about her, but [the publicity] was a lot for him. He wants to keep his private life private, and that’s hard to do dating Taylor.

He could feel the age difference, huh? Isn’t that the point of banging 21-year old chicks? To feel the age difference? I’m a man. If I wanted to fuck somebody my own age it would be in a land development deal, not on my couch with her knees pinned to her ears.

I don’t know if Jake Gyllenhaal and his publicist pulled reasons out of hat to explain why he broke up with a hot, skinny, 21-year old blonde, but congratulations! They…

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Lindsay Had No IdeaBy toddJanuary 05, 2011

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With billions of apartments in and surrounding L.A., Lindsay Lohan claims she had no idea that she moved within a 100 yards of the woman that she stalked for three years. Of course she didn’t. Because that would be mean she would have to accept responsibility for her actions and admit she’s a ticking time bomb of psychosis and need. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan is telling friends she had “no idea” her new badass beach house was right next door to ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson …but she’s ready to move out in order to “keep the peace.” Sources close to Lindsay tell us … Lohan was aware Sam lived somewhere in Venice, Ca — but she didn’t know how close her new pad was to Ronson’s home until family members saw the DJ pull in to the garage next door on Monday. Now — after Lindsay’s father went through all the trouble of moving her in — we’re told Lohan is considering moving out of the place after learning Sam was “pissed” at the situation. We’re told Lindsay doesn’t want to break the lease — which would cost her big bucks — but she also doesn’t want to “ruffle any feathers.”

Please. Why would Lindsay know that only a grappling hook and a glass door would separate her from the woman she’s obsessed with? Lindsay is a delicate, fragile flower and would never do anything sketchy then try to manipulate the situation after the fact to paint herself as the hapless victim. Lindsay’s right, she doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers. She actually wants to break in and make Samantha Ronson saw through her own arm if Samantha really wants to break free from the bonds of their love. Bonds of their love being actual handcuffs welded to a chain around the toilet.

With billions of apartments in and surrounding L.A., Lindsay Lohan claims she had no idea that she moved within a 100 yards of the woman that she stalked for three…

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Montel Williams Loves WeedBy toddJanuary 05, 2011

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Since marijuana is a gateway drug and anybody who uses it is a violent criminal who can’t possibly function in society, airport security in Milwaukee found a pipe on Montel Williams. He paid a fine and was released. This makes the second time Williams has been cited for carrying drug paraphernalia. (Breaking news: I like this guy). Radar Online reports:

Former talk show host Montel Williams was cited Tuesday for possession of drug paraphernalia in Wisconsin, RadarOnline.com has learned. The Milwaukee County sheriff’s office says the Transportation Security Administration found Williams had a pipe commonly used for marijuana as he passed through a security checkpoint at General Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee. Williams, 54, has said he uses marijuana to relieve chronic pain caused by multiple sclerosis that was diagnosed in 1999. The sheriff’s office says Williams paid the $484 citation and was allowed to continue his trip.

Unlike most wars, when you capture your enemy, he can’t just cut you a check a be on his way. But apparently the war on drugs is different. That’s because marijuana should be legal and everyone knows it. Common sense and the government knows it, but if it were, Conservatives and religious nuts would try to rent a space shuttle to go kidnap Jesus so he’d come back sooner and rid the world of all the evil doers who just ordered a pizza. In the meantime, the government is content to make their money off it any way they can. Specifically, charging $484 for the right to carry a pipe on you. It all boils down t…wait, isn’t there supposed to be a joke in here somewhere? I’m typing but nothing’s happening. I thought this was supposed to be a comedy site? It is right? I mean, I thin….oh God…oh God what’s happening?!!

Since marijuana is a gateway drug and anybody who uses it is a violent criminal who can’t possibly function in society, airport security in Milwaukee found a pipe on Montel…
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