I'm not going to lie to you, I have no idea nor do I really care what the Variety Breakthrough Of The Year Awards are, but apparently they have them every year, and this year, Maria Menounos showed up in this dress and omg dat ass. Sorry, did that sound like I was objectifying her? Good, because I totally was just then. Because we're all looking at the same pictures here. Specifically, pictures of said dat ass. Jesus talked about it in the Bible once. For real, look it up. "Damn, son. Booty had me like..," Jesus was quoted as saying.
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Miley Cyrus’ tour was scheduled to stop in Greensboro, NC tonight, and apparently NC heard about this so it caused her bus to crash, killing the driver and injuring nine others. National Enquirer reports:
Virginia State Police confirm one person was killed when a tour bus belonging to Miley Cyrus overturned. The 16-year-old Hannah Montana star was not on board. Sgt. Thomas Molnar says the bus overturned around 8:15 a.m. Friday on Interstate 85 in Dinwiddie, about 40 miles south of Richmond. The bus driver was killed and nine others were injured. Miley was in the fourth bus in the caravan . Members of her lighting crew are believed to have been on the deadly bus. The pop princess was scheduled to perform Sunday in Greensboro, NC according to Miley’s web site.
I really hope the Cyrus family loads a PODS full of gold and precious jewels to deliver to this guy’s family, because I can imagine an obituary that reads “tour bus driver for Miley Cyrus” isn’t it’s own reward.
Reporter Wayne Convil is being told:
NOTE: Hi everyone, I appreciate the emails and comments, but I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this or not, but this site is intended to be sarcastic. This includes the headlines. I’m not sure why I have to even point that fact out, but if I believed half the crap I wrote on here I clearly would be insane, so when you visit this site, take it for what it is. Some idiot who can’t spell writing about celebrities. And sometimes about your mom. If you see her on Thanksgiving, do me a favor and let her know that me having an unlimited data plan doesn’t mean she can send me picture texts every time she ruins a pair of panties. It was cute the first few times, but I have to be honest, it’s getting a little annoying. Have you considered buying her a puppy?
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I have no idea why I’m not gay, because if I was I could be chillin on the couch while Miranda Kerr prances around in her bra and panties and throws her legs on me backstage at the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I could probably get away with it for a while, but it might get a little awkward when I turn into Multiple Miggs at some point.
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Director Roman Polanski is still sitting in a Switzerland jail awaiting extradition to the United States for drugging and sodomizing a 13-year old girl in 1977. But apparently his wife and two kids are “very upset psychologically” about being separated from such a wonderful man. MSNBC reports:
Polanski has proposed “very significant” bail money, house arrest and other assurances to find freedom, Herve Temime told the daily Le Figaro. His 76-year-old client “will not accept extradition to the United States,” he said. U.S. authorities want Polanski to face justice in Los Angeles for having sex with a 13-year-old 32 years ago. A Swiss court official said this week that a bail decision was expected in 2 to 3 weeks. Polanski, who was arrested Sept. 26 as he arrived in Zurich to collect a film award, is “very courageous” and “I have never heard him complain,” Temime said. However, his wife, Emmanuelle Seigner, an actress and singer, and his two children are “very upset psychologically by this separation that is a true heartbreak” for them, he said.
I’m going to go out a limb her and say that being drugged and raped in the ass then having to sit on a donut pillow at the premiere of Star Wars might make you “very upset psychologically” a little more than daddy not being home because he’s captured fugitive. If Polanski was a man and accepted the fact that he was convicted and served his time, his wife and kids wouldn’t be suffering right now. Instead he chose to run like a little girl being chased by a bee to France. Since he was convicted, there is no statute of limitations, and more importantly, I have zero sympathy for this man. If the definition of “extradition back to the United States” suddenly changed to “being ripped apart by a fisherman with a hook for a hand”, I would see if my buddy Joe could get me a discount on that dictionary at Barnes & Noble.
Since #2 doesn’t realize the why the real victim “doesn’t care” and why we should spend tax dollars on something that happened “30 years ago”, I’ll just post this video again. Hope it clears it up for you.
No Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is complete without Marisa Miller, and although the Asian I stole looks hotter in Agent Provocateur and La Perla, I’m really not complaining when Marisa Miller stuffs her huge tits in something your girlfriend can buy at the mall. I swear, either God is still getting high-fives or Marisa Miller’s body was created in some kind of erection study lab. I’m not sure about the science behind that, and I would have asked Chastity Bono, but erections don’t seem to be her thing.
Other than Sarah Jessica Parker, Kirsten Dunst, and Cameron Diaz, Chastity Bono is the ugliest woman to ever appear on IDLYITW. She/He also has mental problems. Popeater reports:
For the first time, Chaz Bono, born to Cher and the late Sonny Bono as Chastity, opened up about his new life as a man, in an exclusive interview with ‘Good Morning America.’ “This was a very difficult decision to make, but it is the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m happier. I’m more confident. I feel great,” he said. “It would be easy to say, ‘Why did I wait so long to do this?’ but I am a person who believes things will happen when they’re suppose to happen. I was ready when I was ready. Life is just great now,” he said. Bono, who has served as a LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) civil rights advocate, began the gender-changing process earlier this year, following his 40th birthday. His publicist announced Bono’s decision to undergo gender reassignment in June. He is currently living with his girlfriend Jennifer. Bono has undergone breast removal surgery and began taking hormones to alter his appearance. “It was just a long process of being comfortable enough to do something about it. I was turning 40, and I thought it’s now or never,” he said. “Gender is between your ears and not between your legs. I’ve felt male for as far back as I can remember,” he said. “As I child, I felt like a boy. My friends were boys and in school, I related to boys. If a game broke out [with] girls against the boys, I was always with the boys.”
Really? Because I don’t think anybody has ever given birth between their ears. I’ll make this simple for you: If you’re born with a vagina, you’re a woman. If you’re born with a penis you’re a man. That’s it. Case closed. Just because you like playing with trains instead of dolls and you feel like a boy, it doesn’t mean that God made a mistake, it just means you need to double your dosage. Instead of cutting things off and taking hormone pills, maybe you should see a psychiatrist and deal with the ugliness inside instead of trying to get rid of it on the outside. “Society” calls you a woman because you were born with ovaries. Get over it. Just like I got over being born with a three-pound cock. Screw you God !!! Why have you cursed me so??!!
NOTE: I feel like I should say something here, so let me take this opportunity to offer my apologies to the LBGT community. For that show V. Man, that show sucks !!
Due to my gag reflex, there’s no way in hell I can download and edit more than one picture of this freak, so here’s Olivia Wilde at the 14th annual GQ Men of the Year Party last night. Set your penis to stun:
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Stephanie Meyer and Anne Rice have turned vampires into total hair product gaywads who prefer to cry and talk about their feelings than fuck people up, so it’s no surprise that Robert Pattinson went on Ellen to promote the movie about said gaywads. But I guess he has an interesting story. Whatever. Us Magazine reports:
…Pattinson, 23, tells Ellen DeGeneres about the woman who recently undressed for him in public during a marathon autograph-signing session. The New Moon star was burnt out after signing 500 signatures. “You kind of get ten seconds with each person and you never really say anything . . . I kind of got bored,” he explains. When one female fan asked Pattinson “how can I get your attention?” Pattinson had a novel suggestion. “I was like, um, just take your clothes off.” The fan obliged. “She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security,” Pattinson says. “I never felt more terrible . . . I sound like I’m actually just abusing my position.”
I hate to brag, but I get girls to strip for me all the time. Especially on payday. This one girl really likes me and the bouncer said she thinks I’m really cute. It’s been three years and pretty soon I think she’s gonna tell me her real name!! I think she’s falling in love with me!! Suck on that Robert!!
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It was reported that Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital for a cold the other day, but dear Christ that’s not what happened. 3am reports:
Mitch Winehouse has rubbished claims that his daughter Amy went to hospital the other day for a cold – revealing it was due to her new boobs going pop. Telegraphing the news on his Living TV show, Mitch said: “It wasn’t because she had a cold. She’s fine, she just had a little (pointing to his chest) leaky something or other.” A friend of Amy’s adds: “She saw something oozing out on to her top. She was worried as they looked wonky and to see stuff seeping out was horrible.”
This would normally be the part where I make fun of Amy Winehouse, but she’ll be dead soon, so considering the comments in the Chastity Bono post, there’s something I want to get off my chest. This is going to be hard, but so be it. I have to be honest with myself. As a child, I always played with Thundercats. My friends in school played with Thundercats, I related to Thundercats. I had a Thundercats lunchbox and a Lion-O claw. If a game broke out [with] Transformers against the Thundercats, I was always with the Thundercats. Being a feline superhero from another galaxy isn’t between your legs, but between your ears. I feel like I have lied to myself for far too long. It’s just a long process of being comfortable enough to do something about it. I realize people may not accept me as a Thundercat and I am fully prepared to deal with people’s ignorance and hate. But I will not let it stop me from being my true self. I have my family and the Sword of Omens. It gives me sight beyond sight!!
Unless you're spaceship just landed or you just got released from and underground bunker to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you know that former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, admitted to playing with herself for her boyfriend on camera. So, through the magic of the Internet, somebody has posted stills from the tape claiming it's her. I can't tell, it sorta looks like her, but I've been wrong before. Turns out that girl last night was actually your sister. In my defense, the top of her head wasn't that recognizable.
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I’ve wanted to go spelunking in between Carmen Electra’s legs like Batman since 1995, so this video that showed up online yesterday of her getting it on with some chick is what one might call “good news”. If I walked in on this, I really hope she would have renter’s insurance because I’m pretty sure my fucking head would explode.