Every ‘Passengers’ Review: “lol nah”By toddDecember 16, 2016
Every ‘Passengers’ Review: “lol nah”



“Essentially amounts to a risable two-hour exhibit of sci-fi Stockholm Syndrome.”EW

 

Passengers currently has a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes. Was there really any doubt? Let’s read some of the greatest hits, shall we?

 

Variety:
“Passengers is the tale of a lonely guy in space, the drama of an ethical conundrum, a love story featuring two of the hottest actors on the planet, and a turbulent sci-fi action-adventure – and for all of that, it manages to be not a very good movie.”

 

IndieWire:
“Titanic” in space? No, but it’s certainly a disaster.

 

Time Out:
“Dreams up one of the most intriguing ‘what would you do?’ scenarios in recent movie memory and takes it precisely nowhere.”

 

Screen International:
“Part space romance, part space thriller and all space corn, Passengers is a messy and unconvincing mash-up that tries to get by on the not inconsiderable charm of stars Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt.”

 

I’m gonna keep saying this until somebody listens, but Jennifer Lawrence has been in two good movies. Two. Winter’s Bone and the one where Bradley Cooper was a stalker who used to be fat. And in those movies, if you would have replaced her with anyone else, they still would have been good movies. If you want to say Joy was a good movie, that’s cool, but please remember it was about a woman who invented a mop. Chris Pratt has been in one. Possibly two if you count the new Guardians Of The Galaxy. In his last movie, he played a dude who could kinda talk to velociraptors. Let’s not confuse what these people bring to a movie. Columbia spent $120M to make a “romantic science fiction thriller” which turned out to be neither of those things and thought if you stuck Jennifer Lawrence’s and Chris Pratt’s faces on the poster they’d get that money back. Shoulda used some of that money to pay a screenwriter. Live and learn!

 

 

 

“Essentially amounts to a risable two-hour exhibit of sci-fi Stockholm Syndrome.” – EW   Passengers currently has a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes. Was there really any doubt? Let’s read some…

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Ryan Reynolds Is A StarBy toddDecember 16, 2016
Ryan Reynolds Is A Star

 

It was only five months ago that Ryan Reynolds was praying for the sweet release of death at Taylor Swift’s 4th of July party, but now he has a Golden Globe nomination and a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. He also still has a hot ass wife. I think Blake Lively just had a baby, but go look in the mirror. Her mom bod looks better than your regular bod. I’m not making this up. Seriously, go look.

 

  It was only five months ago that Ryan Reynolds was praying for the sweet release of death at Taylor Swift’s 4th of July party, but now he has a…

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Ciara And Cartoon Unicorns Are Today’s 2016 LOVE Advent CalendarBy toddDecember 15, 2016
Ciara And Cartoon Unicorns Are Today’s 2016 LOVE Advent Calendar

 

I’m pretty sure Ciara is some type of singer. She’s also today’s 2016 LOVE Advent Calendar. The good thing about this is that she’s married to Russell Wilson now, so he doesn’t have to wait until God goes to sleep later to jack off to this. He can do it anytime he wants! That’s great. As for the concept of this? Your guess is as good as mine.

 

  I’m pretty sure Ciara is some type of singer. She’s also today’s 2016 LOVE Advent Calendar. The good thing about this is that she’s married to Russell Wilson now,…

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Miley Cyrus Really Needs Attention, You GuysBy toddSeptember 30, 2014
Miley Cyrus Really Needs Attention, You Guys

 

We’ve gone through like four rounds of The Fappening, and Miley Cyrus hasn’t even been mentioned even though she’s changed her iCloud password to “flower” then “password”. Nobody wants to seem to go through the trouble of hacking her stuff, because we kinda already know what she’s working with and what she’s working with is just body parts that kinda resemble female human anatomy that have been manipulated by Nazi interspecies experiments. She’s pretty gross. But since she was a star at 12 or whatever, her ego and sense of entitlement is bigger than her ass, so she thinks she’s hot. So she takes topless selfie pics in the shower. Unclear if this is supposed to be sexy or this is part of an NFL anti-domestic violence ad.

 

pic source = Instagram

  We’ve gone through like four rounds of The Fappening, and Miley Cyrus hasn’t even been mentioned even though she’s changed her iCloud password to “flower” then “password”. Nobody wants…

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Katie Cleary’s Husband Killed Himself She Hung Out With DiCaprioBy toddJune 25, 2014
Katie Cleary’s Husband Killed Himself She Hung Out With DiCaprio

 

These hos ain't loyal.

"Deal or No Deal" model Katie Cleary says her husband's suicide over the weekend had nothing to do with photos that surfaced of her hanging with Leo DiCaprio and Adrian Grenier … but the husband's friends tell a different story. TMZ broke the story … Andrew Stern — who married Cleary in July 2010 — shot himself in the head Sunday, and law enforcement tells us he was suffering significant stress over marital problems.

In Katie's defense, she does have a nice ass and this dude was obviously crazy (he tried to kill himself at a gun range before this), but when your chick parties with Leonardo DiCaprio, what can you do besides kill yourself? Oh, I know. Bang another chick. Trust me, it's really not that difficult. If you go outside, you might see one. I know, right?! They're everywhere!

  These hos ain't loyal. "Deal or No Deal" model Katie Cleary says her husband's suicide over the weekend had nothing to do with photos that surfaced of her hanging…

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Hilaria Baldwin Is Good At YogaBy toddJune 17, 2014
Hilaria Baldwin Is Good At Yoga

 

I know this technically isn't really a yoga pose, so if you want to see basically every yoga pose ever invented go to her Instagram. And I'm not sure why she's doing yoga anyway, because rich white girls do Pure Barre now. My point is Hialria Baldwin can do stuff like with her body. So why the fuck is Alec Baldwin so angry all the time? I don't get it.

  I know this technically isn't really a yoga pose, so if you want to see basically every yoga pose ever invented go to her Instagram. And I'm not sure…

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Ashley Benson Is WeirdBy toddJuly 23, 2013

Ashley Benson is ridiculously hot and has huge boobs, and I want to speak my truth to you all right now: those two things are very important to me. That you be ridculously hot and have huge boobs. Way down on that list is chicks who walk around on pavement in socks with the toes cut out. What's that about? Is she playing Britney Spears in a movie? I don't get it. I guess I have to go back to looking at her boobs again 🙁

Ashley Benson is ridiculously hot and has huge boobs, and I want to speak my truth to you all right now: those two things are very important to me. That…

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Amanda Bynes Started A Fire In A Driveway, Is On 5150 Hold NowBy toddJuly 23, 2013

Hey, what's Amanda Bynes been up to? Carrying around a gas can and starting fires in strangers' driveways, you say? Cool. TMZ reports:

Amanda Bynes is currently hospitalized on a 5150 hold … after starting a small fire in the driveway of some random person's house Monday night, TMZ has learned. Law enforcement sources tell us, the fire department responded to the home in Thousand Oaks, CA around 9 PM — near where Amanda was just accused of trespassing — after someone noticed the small blaze in the driveway. The sheriff's department was subsequently called when Amanda was found standing near the campfire. When sheriff's deputies arrived, they questioned Amanda about what she was doing, and why she was doing it — and based on her answers, they determined she needed to be hospitalized on a 5150 hold.

"Based on her answers"? The police obviously don't follow her on Twitter. Oh, and the house is owned by an elderly lady who who will now spend the rest of her life profiling white girls in wigs.

TMZ just spoke to the woman whose driveway Amanda built the fire on, and she tells us, she had no idea what was going on until cops knocked on her front door. She says cops asked her, "Do you know anyone by the name of Amanda Bynes, or why she would have some vendetta against you?" She said no … not surprising because the woman is elderly. Cops then described to her that there was a young lady in her driveway, who had lit a fire and was carrying a "little red gas tank." The homeowner says cops told her Amanda had burned part of her clothing.

This is probably just some misundertanding and hopefully they'll let Amanda go. Obviosuly the driveway is ugly and was trying to steal Drake and said something about her nose.

Hey, what's Amanda Bynes been up to? Carrying around a gas can and starting fires in strangers' driveways, you say? Cool. TMZ reports: Amanda Bynes is currently hospitalized on a…

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