This Is Mel Gibson’s Only FriendBy toddJuly 21, 2010

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Britney Spears and Mel Gibson have apparently been having late night talks. I’m not gonna lie, I would pay CASH money to hear this. iNTouch Weekly reports:

You could call them Hollywood’s Odd Couple: Mel Gibson’s unlikely ally in his bitter legal battle with former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is troubled pop star Britney Spears! The “Toxic” singer, 28, has been telling pals that Mel, 54, has been pouring his heart out to her — confiding that he fears for his sanity and is convinced he’s destroyed his once-hot career. “Mel has been talking to her a lot,” a friend of the singer’s tells In Touch. “They speak on the phone all the time, usually late at night.” Britney’s may seem like an unlikely shoulder for the Braveheart star to cry on, but the pop star’s pal says she is simply returning the favor to the actor, who went out of his way to help her when she went through her own breakdown. “Mel was one of the only people who reached out to help Britney when she was at her lowest point, and she believes that demonstrates what a loving and wonderful man he is,” says the friend. “She wants people to give him a second chance — just like he gave her one when everyone else turned away.”

I don’t know if pouring your heart out to an overweight, meth-addicted single mother of two whose under psychiatric care and a court-ordered babysitter would be considered rock bottom, but Mel Gibson might want to go ahead and kill himself. Britney’s mind would be blown if you told her cats have grandparents and butterflies aren’t actually made out of butter, so I can’t shake the feeling that Britney spends most of her anytime minutes asking Mel how to pronounce the ingredients on her Cheetos bag.

Britney Spears and Mel Gibson have apparently been having late night talks. I’m not gonna lie, I would pay CASH money to hear this. iNTouch Weekly reports: You could call…

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Jennifer Aniston Has A StalkerBy toddJuly 21, 2010

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Jennifer Aniston has finally found someone who loves her. His name is Jason Peyton. His hobbies include being insane, sharp objects, and duct tape. TMZ reports:

According to the docs, Jason Peyton was found on July 15, “laying-in-wait in a location he believes she frequents with a ‘sharp object, a bag, a roll of duct tape and written messages about [Aniston].” Aniston’s lawyer says in the docs … Peyton spent 8 days trying to find her and when he was taken into custody cops found carved messages in the paint of his car saying, “I LOVE YOU JENNIFER ANISTON.” According to the documents, obtained by TMZ, “Peyton is an obsessed, mentally ill and delusional stalker — with a history of violence and criminal stalking — who drove cross-country in his delusional ‘mission’ to locate and marry [Aniston], with whom he believes he is in a relationship.” After being arrested, the 24-year-old Peyton was placed on a 5150 psychiatric hold. He is still being held. According to the restraining order, Peyton must stay 100 yards away from her home, places of work and vehicles. Peyton must also stay clear of her employees, agents, managers and other reps.

I didn’t cover this yesterday because of all the Lindsay crap and because well, it’s Jennifer Aniston, but a restraining order seems a bit harsh. Instead of that, maybe she should find a way to clone him a million times so a million people would actually pay to go see her movies. I bet you didn’t think of that did you, Jennifer?! I’m so smart!

Jennifer Aniston has finally found someone who loves her. His name is Jason Peyton. His hobbies include being insane, sharp objects, and duct tape. TMZ reports: According to the docs,…

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Lindsay Will Be Out In Two WeeksBy toddJuly 20, 2010

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Dear California, fuck you.

Lindsay Lohan is actually handling jail well, sources at Lynwood tell TMZ. We’re told she’s “polite, compliant and responsive.” She’s not crying and is handling it well. And there’s good news for the newly-minted jailbird. A Sheriff’s official tells us she will probably be released around August 1, after serving only 13 or 14 days. A lot better — for her — than 23 days behind bars and, even worse, without cigarettes.

Of course. It’s California, what do you honestly expect? The judge looked like the Berries and Cream lad, and to reiterate, it’s California. Why would you ever be asked to be held responsible for your actions? I could drive through L.A. with the skins of dead children as seat covers and only be sentenced to having $50 deducted from my Starbucks gift card.

Dear California, fuck you. Lindsay Lohan is actually handling jail well, sources at Lynwood tell TMZ. We’re told she’s “polite, compliant and responsive.” She’s not crying and is handling it…

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Robert Shapiro Dumped Lindsay LohanBy toddJuly 20, 2010

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In June 1994, O.J. Simpson drove to his ex-wife’s, Nicole Brown, Bundy Drive condominium and fatally stabbed her and her then boyfriend, Ron Goldman. Brown was stabbed multiple times in the throat (which left her nearly decapitated) and had her vertebrae severed. During the 1995 trial, the prosecution presented the following evidence: DNA showed that blood found at the scene of Brown’s murder was O. J. Simpson’s. The odds it could have come from anyone but Simpson were reported to be about one in 170 million. DNA analysis of blood found on a pair of Simpson’s socks found in his bedroom identified it as Nicole Brown’s. The blood had DNA characteristics matched by approximately only one in 9.7 billion, with odds rising to one out of 21 billion when compiling results of testing done at the two separate DNA laboratories. DNA analysis of the blood found in, on, and near Simpson’s Bronco revealed traces of Simpson’s, Brown’s, and Goldman’s blood. Hair consistent with Simpson’s was found on Goldman’s shirt. The left-hand glove found at Nicole Brown’s home and the right-hand glove found at Simpson’s home proved to be a match. The bloody footprints were identified by FBI shoe expert William Bodziak as having been made by a pair of extremely rare Bruno Magli shoes, of which it has been reported that only 299 pairs were sold in the US. The large size 12 prints matched Simpson’s shoe size. Robert Shapiro, O.J.’s defense attorney, looked at that said, “Fuck that. We got this.” At 10:07 a.m. on October 3, 1995, after only four hours of deliberation the previous day, the jury returned a verdict of not guilty. This man just walked away from Lindsay’s case. TMZ reports:

It is unclear who will represent Lindsay tomorrow when she will turn herself in. We do not know why Shapiro has left the case. He said publicly he would represent Lindsay only if she agreed to jail and followed his instructions. Interestingly, Shawn Chapman Holley never signed the substitution of attorney form last Friday to get out of the case. So Shawn may be on the hook.

Murdering psychopath? Check. Delusional, spoiled cokewhore? Can’t handle it, man. I don’t know if Legal Zoom sells nooses that have both style and function, but Lindsay might want to check into that. Then choke herself with it.

In June 1994, O.J. Simpson drove to his ex-wife’s, Nicole Brown, Bundy Drive condominium and fatally stabbed her and her then boyfriend, Ron Goldman. Brown was stabbed multiple times in…

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Unnecessary QuotesBy toddJuly 20, 2010

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Lindsay Lohan took to her Twitter last night where she seemingly finally came to terms with her jail sentence. At least I think she did. She could be talking about getting a yellow card or the double-entry bookkeeping system. Or the practice of forced socialization in Korean clubs. EXPLAIN IT TO US LINDSAY!!!!

Lindsay Lohan took to her Twitter last night where she seemingly finally came to terms with her jail sentence. At least I think she did. She could be talking about…

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Lindsay Will Be Nice And Clean In JailBy toddJuly 19, 2010

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Although she has to report to jail tomorrow, Lindsay is still living under the delusion that she won’t have to go. Another delusion? That she’ll be able to take a shower every day.

TMZ has learned she will only be allowed to shower every other day once she checks into Lynwood Correctional Facility tomorrow. Law enforcement sources tell us the jail is all prepared for Lindsay’s arrival — where she’ll be staying in her own cell … in a special module where solitary inmates are held. We’re told Lindsay will not be allowed to interact with other inmates while she’s inside her cell — which could be as much as 20 hours per day. She will be allowed to exercise three times per week. As far as her diet, we’re told Lindsay will get two cold meals and one hot meal every day. Today, inmates had chicken stir fry for lunch … so it’s not too bad. We’re told there’s no guarantee that Lindsay will be allowed to take all of the medication she’s been prescribed — and jail officials will determine what she can take after she arrives.

Scabs need time to heal, so maybe this will be a good thing for her vagina. Its been Hollywood’s own Ellis Island for five years now, so it’s about time it got a break. I don’t know the exact count, but I’m pretty sure she’s had more cocks inside her than a Chic-Fil-A. She tends not to be closed on Sundays.

Although she has to report to jail tomorrow, Lindsay is still living under the delusion that she won’t have to go. Another delusion? That she’ll be able to take a…

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