Emily Ratajkowski Is For Regret DayBy toddNovember 24, 2017
Emily Ratajkowski Is For Regret Day

 

Hey, friends. I hope everyone had a chill Thanksgiving and didn’t ruin everybody’s time by talking politics like some kind of idiot with a printed off topic list you found on Twitter. Nobody wanted to hear how you’ve been radicalized. America is pretty racist. Telling your racist uncle that won’t change that. Shut up and eat. I’m still in sweatpants as I write this, and probably won’t be able to eat food again until Tuesday, but I’ll make exceptions depending on what you mean by “eat”. Enter Emily Ratajkowski. She spent Thanksgiving on some kind of island in a bikini and took a lot of pictures like she usually does. But yes, going back to what I was saying about eating I would put the gravy I have in the tupperware on this.

 

A post shared by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on

  Hey, friends. I hope everyone had a chill Thanksgiving and didn’t ruin everybody’s time by talking politics like some kind of idiot with a printed off topic list you…

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Coco: Twitter WhoreBy toddNovember 25, 2009
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Coco’s hobbies include her ass and taking pictures with the camera visible in the mirror, so it’s pretty clear at this point that she takes every opportunity to use Twitter (see more here, here, and here). MySpace is for 13-year old emo loners and pedophiles now, so it’s a good thing for Coco that Twitter has filled the attention whore outlet void. It actually doesn’t matter what it is, Coco will find a way to look at her ass. If she was born in the 1800’s, I’m pretty sure she would have an easel in the mirror and people to paint the thong she made out of straw and parchment.

Coco’s hobbies include her ass and taking pictures with the camera visible in the mirror, so it’s pretty clear at this point that she takes every opportunity to use Twitter…

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Teen WolfBy toddNovember 25, 2009

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This is gonna sound way gayer than it should, but why in the hell are Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson the break out stars of Twilight and New Moon when Taylor Lautner and Ashley Greene are walking around? Taylor Lautner is prettier than some of the chicks I’ve dated and Ashley Greene causes erections that could even make a Catholic priest consult his doctor. Meanwhile, Kristen Stewart looks like she should be doing a price check at Target and Robert Pattinson is probably calling a pet store and asking about their gerbil return policy. Anyway, here’s Taylor Lautner in Rolling Stone. In related news, be sure to check me out on the cover of next month’s “Model Airplane Weekly”. Shit’s gonna be hot.

This is gonna sound way gayer than it should, but why in the hell are Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson the break out stars of Twilight and New Moon when…

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Kim Kardashian Is PhotogenicBy toddNovember 24, 2009

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I realize she probably smells like Swisher Sweets and cocoa butter and may or may not have sat on a couch with plastic on it recently, but good grief Kim Kardashian looks hot as hell in a bikini. Specifically, the one she posted on Twitpic Sunday. I don’t care if she’s gotten more black guys off than Abraham Lincoln, I’d hit it at least once. Like the time I let David Beckham hit it. I’ve been losing sleep. But I made up my mind, IIIIII’mmm keeping my baby!!

I realize she probably smells like Swisher Sweets and cocoa butter and may or may not have sat on a couch with plastic on it recently, but good grief Kim…

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Carrie Underwood Is My ApologyBy toddNovember 24, 2009

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I have no idea why I didn’t post these pictures of Carrie Underwood performing at the AMAs yesterday, but here they are to make up for the parade of ugly that has gripped the site for far too long. Damn, this little bitch is hot. Not that anybody cares, but there’s this waitress at MoJoe’s that looks exactly like Carrie Underwood but with brown hair. And no I’m not saying that just so I can get a free chicken wrap! How dare you suggest such a thing?!

I have no idea why I didn’t post these pictures of Carrie Underwood performing at the AMAs yesterday, but here they are to make up for the parade of ugly…

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Crossfit Is Paying OffBy toddNovember 23, 2009
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Kelly Clarkson was on the cover of the September 2009 issue of Self Magazine where she said “My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more.” These days, the play part means golf (“I love it!”) as well as Crossfit workouts. “It’s like bootcamp!” she says of the regimen that includes sit-ups, squats and running. “You never work out more than 35 minutes, but it’s so intense … It makes me feel like G.I. Jane. It’s very empowering. I feel like I can whup ass!”. And you can totally tell it’s been working, because look at her last night at the AMAs. She looks amazing! Especially since I guess “whup ass” means “swallow a whole fudge baked turkey”. Jesus, you’d have to teleport with a fly to like sweets as much as this beast.

Kelly Clarkson was on the cover of the September 2009 issue of Self Magazine where she said “My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more.” These…

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New MoonBy toddNovember 23, 2009

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In case you don’t put puffy stickers on your notebook or draw unicorns, you watched the Bears/Eagles game last night and saw Bears’ WR/KR Devin Hester get his pants pulled down. If I’m not mistaken, this is the first time that this has happened during a live NFL game. But I’ve been mistaken before. Apparently acid wash jeans and Red Camels aren’t appropriate for a first date. Well, excuse me Miss Project Runway, maybe one day you’ll learn to judge a man by what’s in his heart and not what he wears. Whatever, it’s your loss. I guess the pina colada air freshener I just put in my Ford Focus will be enjoyed by another lucky lady.

Click on confused George Bush to see the still. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing:

In case you don’t put puffy stickers on your notebook or draw unicorns, you watched the Bears/Eagles game last night and saw Bears’ WR/KR Devin Hester get his pants pulled…

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Why Yes Ma’am, Don’t Mind If I DoBy toddNovember 23, 2009

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Shakira performed something at the AMAs last night, and I have no idea what it was, mostly because I was too busy staring at her hot ass. I’ll probably hear the song eventually at Mi Casita. That’s if I go back there. Apparently they’re too good to accept rolls of pennies. I’m a big Internet celebrity!! Don’t you know who I am??!!

Shakira performed something at the AMAs last night, and I have no idea what it was, mostly because I was too busy staring at her hot ass. I’ll probably hear…

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Madam Lambert Is Gay, Can’t SingBy toddNovember 22, 2009

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In that wannabe Freddy Mercury screeching shit he does that’s supposed to be singing, Adam Lambert performed his song about gay date rape on the American Music Awards tonight. Wow, this guy is a fag. And I don’t mean “fag” like I did in the 7th grade. I would pick Rainbow Brite and the Berries and Cream lad for my kickball team before I picked this prancing gaywad. I swear, I fully expected to see Peter Pan and He-Man show up on stage in mesh halter tops and ball gags, but maybe they got scared because his voice sounds like a bag of Christmas puppies being set on fire. It’s common knowledge that gay men prefer white tiger cubs.

In that wannabe Freddy Mercury screeching shit he does that’s supposed to be singing, Adam Lambert performed his song about gay date rape on the American Music Awards tonight. Wow,…

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No Part 3By toddNovember 22, 2009

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AnnaLynne McCord showed up to the 3rd Annual CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute last night, and can’t we just admit that trying to make her a sex symbol was a mistake? The Flock of Seagulls hair aside, I’m not really sure how you can be considered hot if you need to hire guys standing outside Home Depot to trowel on your makeup because your face looks like a Chinese checkerboard or if you forget to buy some replacement blades for your Venus Vibrance-Gillette. I don’t know how to make this much clearer, but I’ve seen hotter pieces of ass in a burn ward.

AnnaLynne McCord showed up to the 3rd Annual CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute last night, and can’t we just admit that trying to make her a sex symbol was a…

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