Kim Kardashian Even Wears FoodBy toddMarch 11, 2011

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For years, experts have wondered why a surgical procedure was invented to get Kim Kardashian‘s ass in leather pants. I don’t know. It looks like that mystery will forever haunt us, my friends.

For years, experts have wondered why a surgical procedure was invented to get Kim Kardashian‘s ass in leather pants. I don’t know. It looks like that mystery will forever haunt…

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Lindsay’s Probation Report “Could Destroy Her”By toddMarch 11, 2011

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Lindsay Lohan‘s lawyers have done a great job so far painting Lindsay as the helpless victim of an evil jewelry store whose sole purpose of existing is to defame the spotless character of their client, but if they choose to go to trial, her probabtion report could be used in court to determine sentencing. And apparently, “WTF, you crackhead, bitch?!”, is the usual response after someone reads it. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned … the L.A. County Probation Department report on Lindsay Lohan is so blistering, it could land her in prison if she’s convicted of felony grand theft. Multiple sources familiar with the probation report tell TMZ … the report — drafted after Lindsay allegedly took the necklace in January — contains something “shocking” and “devastating” against Lindsay. The info has never been made public and our sources would not divulge specifics — only to say any judge who uses it to determine sentencing would probably throw the book at Lindsay. The stakes are high if Lindsay doesn’t accept Judge Keith Schwartz’ proposed sentence — which we’re told is 3 months in jail. If Lindsay decides to fight the charge, Judge Stephanie Sautner would use the report to determine sentencing if she decides Lindsay violated her probation. Lindsay faces more than a year in jail for the probation violation. And even worse for Lindsay … if Lindsay is convicted of felony grand theft, the judge in that case would also consider the scathing probation report. The maximum sentence Lindsay would get for felony grand theft is 1 year in state prison. Mind you Judge Schwartz’ job is to try and settle cases, which is why he’s willing to go pretty easy on Lindsay.

Whatever. Nothing is going to happen to Lindsay. She’s a manipulative drug addict who knows the weeping vaginas in the California justice system will let her skate by with every excuse and every lie she comes up with. But at least Japan helped us out. Now if somebody can tell Lindsay aliens will be dropping a 50 pound crack rock on the beach between 8:30am – 8:45am that would really help me out.

Lindsay Lohan‘s lawyers have done a great job so far painting Lindsay as the helpless victim of an evil jewelry store whose sole purpose of existing is to defame the…

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Oksana Grigorieva Wants $40K A MonthBy toddSeptember 03, 2010

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Oksana? Greedy? Don’t be ridiculous. TMZ reports:

Oksana Grigorieva is asking the judge to make Mel Gibson buck up — WAAY up — by increasing her monthly child support from $5,000 a month to more than $40,000. As we’ve reported, Mel currently pays Oksana the tidy sum of $5,000 a month in child support for baby Lucia, and also pays for the Sherman Oaks house where they live. But we’re told Oksana now wants nearly 10 times what she currently gets. Here’s what’s interesting. Our sources say Oksana gets $2,500 a month in child support from Timothy Dalton — the father of her 13-year-old son Alexander. It’s a tough sell convincing Judge Scott Gordon that a 9-month-old baby needs nearly 20 times more money than a 13-year-old boy. One source scoffed, “Lifestyle is not an issue for a 9-month-old. Think she knows the difference between a Ford and a Bentley?”

Jesus, does it really take $40,000 a month to raise a fucking 9-month old? She could put newspaper at the bottom of a cardboard box and throw in Vanilla Wafers a few times a day, and it’ll live better than a 20-year old in Haiti. What’s in this baby’s formula, Cristal? What the hell is in her Easy Mac, bald eagle eggs? And the baby isn’t even all the way white. You can’t even sell it for $40K. She’d be lucky to get a pack of silly bandz and a bottle of sweet and sour mix.

Oksana? Greedy? Don’t be ridiculous. TMZ reports: Oksana Grigorieva is asking the judge to make Mel Gibson buck up — WAAY up — by increasing her monthly child support from…

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Olivia Munn Isn’t The SameBy toddSeptember 03, 2010

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When the whole doppelganger week was happening on Facebook, my ex-girlfriend changed her profile pic to Olivia Munn, and everybody still thought it was her. Only except my ex-girlfriend had Ds and wore LaPerla lingerie around the house. So you can see how this picture of Oliva Munn in GQ could be viewed as disappointing.

When the whole doppelganger week was happening on Facebook, my ex-girlfriend changed her profile pic to Olivia Munn, and everybody still thought it was her. Only except my ex-girlfriend had…

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Karissa Shannon Is ElegantBy toddSeptember 03, 2010

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Karissa Shannon is famous for blowing Heff and being in a fictional sex tape with Heidi Montag, so with all her new free publicity she showed up to add class and understated elegance to the OK! Magazine 5th Anniversary Party. I don’t want to give anything away, but you might want to click on the second thumbnail (NSFW). I think Martin Luther King, Jr. can finally rest knowing his work here is done.

Karissa Shannon is famous for blowing Heff and being in a fictional sex tape with Heidi Montag, so with all her new free publicity she showed up to add class…

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George Clooney Should Leave His Shirt OnBy mollyAugust 14, 2010
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George Clooney’s next movie is The American in which he plays an assassin hiding out in the Italian countryside. To promote the film, the director, former photographer Anton Corbijn, did a photoshoot for the September issue of W magazine with the cast on location. Included in that shoot is this picture of Clooney doing pull-ups without a shirt, and I think I can speak for most women when I say, “eh”. The man is undeniably handsome, but in a classic-Cary Grantish-looks great in a suit-kinda way, not an oh my god I wanna run my tongue along your eight pack kinda way. Let’s leave the shirtlessness to Matthew McConaughey, k Georgie boy?

Don’t worry baby, I still love you!

George Clooney’s next movie is The American in which he plays an assassin hiding out in the Italian countryside. To promote the film, the director, former photographer Anton Corbijn, did…

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It’s Everybody Else’s FaultBy toddAugust 13, 2010


Dina Lohan, the enabling cunt who should have her uterus ripped out, sat down for an interview with Today’s Matt Lauer, and proceeded to blame everyone and anyone for Lindsay’s problems. I bet you didn’t see that coming.

An argumentative Dina Lohan – placing the blame on the judge no longer on the case and staunchly defending the behavior of her daughter Lindsay Lohan – appeared on Friday’s Today show, declaring there was nothing wrong with her child. “I’m not condoning drinking and driving, but she’s still paying the price for what she did in 2007,” said an often-agitated Dina, 47, referring to Lindsay’s two DUI cases from three years ago. As for Lindsay, 24, today, “She’s changed,” says her mother. “She’s grown up considerably.” Repeatedly accusing Judge Marsha Revel of “going overboard” and “playing hardball” by ordering Lindsay to jail for 90 days (she served 13) and into rehab, Dina said that information will be coming out next week showing that the jurist had to remove herself from the case before she was about to be fired. Defending Lindsay, who was at the Cannes Film Festival when she was expected in court in Los Angeles for a progress review, Dina said, “She was in [jail] for just missing a couple of classes and was working at the time.” In addition, Dina noted, by Lindsay’s being behind bars, “She missed driving classes.” The actress also came into personal contact with murderers, said her mother, adding, “She made friends with them.” Pressed about her daughter’s problems, Dina said, “That’s all propaganda,” and called tabloid coverage of Lindsay “pre-orchestrated. You’re reading things that are not based on fact.” Unlike Julia Roberts and other stars, said Dina, Lindsay’s behavior is unfairly scrutinized. “Her life is magnified. Her life is under a microscope … Lindsay doesn’t realize a lot of people are watching her.” Asked if she’s been there for her daughter – after a visibly frustrated Lauer first suggested that Dina, ex-husband Michael Lohan and Lindsay’s friends “have done nothing to help Lindsay” – Dina said that part of a parent’s responsibility is to grant a child her freedom.

I would never condone violence against women in any way (unless you paid up front), but I could accidentally run over Dina Lohan with my truck and I would jump out and high-five people to make it seem I did it on purpose.

Dina Lohan, the enabling cunt who should have her uterus ripped out, sat down for an interview with Today’s Matt Lauer, and proceeded to blame everyone and anyone for Lindsay’s…

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Megan Fox Has OuttakesBy toddAugust 12, 2009

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Outtakes of Megan Fox’s Elle photoshoot (see it here) were released yesterday, and um, damn. I don’t know what this has to do with anything, but one of my ex-girlfriend’s used to call my penis “God’s Ambien”. You know, if Megan is interested in that sort of thing.

Outtakes of Megan Fox’s Elle photoshoot (see it here) were released yesterday, and um, damn. I don’t know what this has to do with anything, but one of my ex-girlfriend’s…

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Oh, Hey There SexyBy toddAugust 12, 2009

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Despite having millions of dollars and a Spartan army of stylists at her disposal, Britney Spears has absolutely no idea how to dress herself. With her floppy ass tits and rat’s nest weave, I guess she really has no other choice. I mean, what is else is she gonna wear? Couture probably isn’t the best thing to wear when you’re in line at the drive-thru to get a fourthmeal or buying makeup at Wal-Mart.

Despite having millions of dollars and a Spartan army of stylists at her disposal, Britney Spears has absolutely no idea how to dress herself. With her floppy ass tits and…

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So Long, HeathBy toddAugust 11, 2009

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Although The Dark Knight was his last completed film role, Heath Ledger was filming Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus before his untimely death on January 22, 2008. Good news is, it’s a Terry Gilliam movie. So it won’t be weird at all when you see Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell (who were hired after Ledger’s death) play Ledger’s character as he travels through a dream world. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve sat here and watched this trailer at least ten times now and I have no fucking clue what I’m looking at. If Michael Jackson was alive he could probably give me some shit to make sense of all this, but I almost need to see a Camaro transform into a robot or a dinosaur with lasers for eyes for this trailer to seem normal.

Although The Dark Knight was his last completed film role, Heath Ledger was filming Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus before his untimely death on January 22, 2008. Good…

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