Brad Paisley Took A Selfie With The Westboro Baptist Church IdiotsBy toddJune 04, 2014
Brad Paisley Took A Selfie With The Westboro Baptist Church Idiots

 

Apparently Satan roams about soldier's funerals and country music concerts seeking to devour someone a lot, because the Westboro Baptist Church picketed the Brad Paisley concert on Sunday with their purple and bedazzled signs.

Though Brad Paisley's fans came out in droves to his Kansas City, Missouri show on Sunday, June 3, the country crooner decided to take a selfie with a group of people who didn't attend the Cricket Wireless Amphitheater to celebrate his music. Protestors from the Westboro Baptist Church stood outside the concert venue with signs reading "God Hates Drunks," "Sin Breeds Violence," and "God H8s Your Stars." Paisley made his way out there and rounded up the protestors for an unusual selfie. "Westboro Baptist Selfie!! Or west-Burro(ass) selfie. Hopefully they can hear the show out here. We'll play loud," Paisley captioned the photo.

I could take this opportunity to make fun of the Westboro Baptist Church and Christianity in general, but I'm starting to feel sorry for these people. I mean, because when you have to cram your moral, religious, and scientific beliefs into a 1,600 page book that hasn't been updated in a while, I can see how you could paint yourself into a corner and miss a few things. Things like women, basic human biology, and carbon dating. The Bible doesn't allow any room for interpretation, you know, except for when you really want it to, so it's great they can have the best-selling fantasy novel of all time to point at when they expand it's figurative universe to fit their own narrative and agenda. But back to the point, why would you protest a Brad Paisley concert? There's no shitty music in hell, bruh. C'mon, now.

  Apparently Satan roams about soldier's funerals and country music concerts seeking to devour someone a lot, because the Westboro Baptist Church picketed the Brad Paisley concert on Sunday with…

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Kourtney Kardashian Is Pregnant With Her Third KidBy toddJune 04, 2014
Kourtney Kardashian Is Pregnant With Her Third Kid

 

Kourtney Kardashian of course had to wait like a good soldier to announce this because it would damage the brand if she took any attention away from Kim and Kanye's new cycle, but she's only a few months along, so there's still time for a new story when Kris Jenner cuts the baby from this womb if she finds out it is a masculine child. The patriarchy is set up in such a way that preteen boys can't pose in bikinis. This causes Kris Jenner great stress.

Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, according to a new report. A little less than two years after she gave birth to daughter Penelope, she is expecting her third child! The father, of course, is her longtime love Scott Disick. "She's only a few months along," one insider says of the mom-to-be, but she's got that glow. "Kourtney looks really pretty. She has a nice flush on her cheeks." "It was planned," the source adds of the child, who'll join brother Mason, 4, and sister Penelope, 23 months. "[Kourtney] wants to have a handful of kids."

While Kim is on her third marriage in 13 years and Khloe is still wondering why her marriage to a crackhead she only knew for 10 days didn't work out, Kourtney and Scott have had the longest relationship of anyone in the family besides Kris Jenner and greed. PLOT TWIST: They's never been married and have zero plans to get married. Mostly because they both realize that marriage is an archaic and kinda creepy institution (prove that you love me by signing this paper here that says if you leave me before you die, I get half your money). Now, they're about to have their third kid without ever having a wedding on E! during sweeps week. Sorry if your mind is blown.

  Kourtney Kardashian of course had to wait like a good soldier to announce this because it would damage the brand if she took any attention away from Kim and…

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Jennifer Lopez’s Boyfriend Likes To Sext TranssexualsBy toddJune 03, 2014
Jennifer Lopez’s Boyfriend Likes To Sext Transsexuals

 

Don't be fooled by the cock that I got, I'm still, I'm still on the waiting list at Johns Hopkins and I hope to hear something very soon. Text me when Jennifer leaves.

Jennifer Lopez is ready to dump her boy-toy Casper Smart following further lurid claims that he’s been sexting transsexual models behind her back….But on Monday, thedirty.com hit Lopez, 44, with details of 27-year-old Smart’s second alleged sexting transgression, this time with a transgendered female model named Xristina Marie. A source told us of the growing frustration in the Lopez camp over Smart’s antics: “She’s coming back to The Bronx and the only thing anyone can talk about is her toyboy and the transsexuals.” Another source tells us, “Jennifer is getting tired of all these allegations. She doesn’t need this drama and is ready to move on.” While reps for Lopez declined to comment last night, the second source sniffed, “The focus should be on her work for the foundation and the concert, not Casper Smart." The latest Smart uproar comes after transgender bikini model Sofie Vissa tried to shop a story claiming that she shared intimate Instagram messages with Lopez’s boyfriend, claiming to have screenshots of their alleged chats as well as “naked images of Casper Smart,” according to thedirty.com editor Nik Richie, who first exposed the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal.

So your boyfriend sexting transsexuals is "drama"? I guess that's one way to say it. Another way to say it is that your boyfriend likes women who recently had penises. I know you grabbed the one you don't have in that one video you did, but he wants one that was actually there at some point. That's kinda specific. American Idol needs ratings, so maybe you can get one and do like a big reveal….after these messages. You can cut off and give it Ryan Seacrest, so it's basically a win/win. I don't know. Just something to think about.

  Don't be fooled by the cock that I got, I'm still, I'm still on the waiting list at Johns Hopkins and I hope to hear something very soon. Text…

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Britney Spears Has Gained 30 Pounds Since She’s Been in VegasBy toddJune 03, 2014
Britney Spears Has Gained 30 Pounds Since She’s Been in Vegas

 

Instead of doing a juice cleanse, some people just go to Vegas for five days, but if there is one human on Earth who could actually gain weight in Vegas, it's Britney Spears.

Britney has gained close to 30 pounds, and she’s got a lot of cellulite on her legs and stomach,” an insider said. “To disguise her belly onstage, she wears a one-piece leotard made out of a shaping material for a slimming effect. “Skin-colored tights cover her legs during her act, and she also likes to use tanning beds and spray tans to hide her cellulite, but it looks ridiculous. “Britney isn’t using her home gym, and she’s gorging on junk food. “She loves McDonald’s and Taco Bell, and she’s eating tacos, corn bread and fried chicken. She also drinks Cokes and fatty frappuccinos from Starbucks.” But Britney apparently has a plan to drop her extra weight. “She’s going to have prepackaged meals delivered to her house about two weeks before her show starts again,” said the source. “However, that plan didn’t work during her hiatus last year, and it’s not likely to work this time around either.”

Britney has never been the coldest beer in the cooler, so there's no reason not to think that she believes she can suck down Coke and corn bread then disguise it with a leotard. A leotard. That's her plan. The irony isn't lost on me that she chose something that includes the word "tard".

  Instead of doing a juice cleanse, some people just go to Vegas for five days, but if there is one human on Earth who could actually gain weight in…
Brad Pitt Ain’t Got Time For ThatBy toddJune 03, 2014
Brad Pitt Ain’t Got Time For That

 

Last week, Brad Pitt attended the Maleficent premiere with Angelina Jolie (because she's in the movie, not sure if you heard) when Ukranian ex-journalist and "prankster", Vitalii Sediuk, jumped the barricade and attacked him. Yesterday, Brad Pitt broke the first rule of Fight Club when he released this statement to People.

"I was at the end of the line signing autographs, when out the corner of my eye I saw someone stage-diving over the barrier at me. I took a step back; this guy had latched onto my lapels. I looked down and the nutter was trying to bury his face in my crotch, so I cracked him twice in the back of the head – not too hard – but enough to get his attention, because he did let go. I think he was then just grabbing for a hand hold because the guys were on him, and he reached up and caught my glasses."…"I don't mind an exhibitionist," Pitt continues, "but if this guy keeps it up he's going to spoil it for the fans who have waited up all night for an autograph or a selfie, because it will make people more wary to approach a crowd. And he should know, if he tries to look up a woman's dress again, he's going to get stomped."

Look, Brad Pitt smokes a shitload of weed and gets to have sex with Angelina Jolie pretty much everyday, so I can understand why his reaction time was a little slow last week. But when he finished his bowl and rolled off Angelina, he understands that sometimes you just gotta crack a dude in jaw to make them stop whatever dumb shit they're doing. And, maybe I'm not that cool, but trying to get under a woman's dress or jumping a barricade to atatck a man who is there to support his chick, is pretty fucking dumb. People do a lot of dumb shit. I punched a guy in the throat once for stepping on my new Jordan's. 9th grade was fun.

  Last week, Brad Pitt attended the Maleficent premiere with Angelina Jolie (because she's in the movie, not sure if you heard) when Ukranian ex-journalist and "prankster", Vitalii Sediuk, jumped…

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Rihanna Basically Went Naked To The CDFA Fashion AwardsBy toddJune 03, 2014

Hey, remember when Scout Willis walked through NYC naked because Instagram wouldn't let her post titties so she turned it into some "no woman should be ashamed of their bodies" thing? Yeah. That's where she kinda lost me, because I've seen some of you. Yoga pants aren't for everyone. So keep that in mind when you see these pictures of Rihanna just basically walking around naked at the CDFA Fashion Awards yesterday. Rihanna simply gives no fucks, and that's way hotter than it should be. And this is what Chris Brown has see in his Google Alerts the day after he's released from jail. His forearm is probably a little bigger now, so he should be able to click through these pretty quickly.

Hey, remember when Scout Willis walked through NYC naked because Instagram wouldn't let her post titties so she turned it into some "no woman should be ashamed of their bodies"…

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Ashley Benson Isn’t RihannaBy toddJune 03, 2014

 

I was all mentally prepared this morning to spend a lot of time on Ashley Benson at some event where she's celebrating Pretty Little Liars making it to 100 episodes, because having sex with her is probably something that I would enjoy for a few minutes, but, you know, Rihanna also attended an event last night in an invisible dress so I need to get Ashley out of the way really quick. I hope you understand. Nothing personal. What? Whoa, whoa slow down. There's no need for name calling here, Ashley. I mean, you're beautiful and everything but….oh, so now I'm not beautiful? You calling my grandma a liar, bitch? Stop. Just stop. I don't want to hug you right now.

  I was all mentally prepared this morning to spend a lot of time on Ashley Benson at some event where she's celebrating Pretty Little Liars making it to 100…

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Donald Sterling’s Side Chick Doesn’t Really Like Black People EitherBy toddJune 02, 2014
Donald Sterling’s Side Chick Doesn’t Really Like Black People Either

 

V. Stiviano, Donald Sterling's girlfriend who secretly recorded him at his John Wilkes Booth Appreciation Party, actually agreed to be recorded  back in 2011 for a reality show pilot where she went on a rant about black people. When you're thinking about dating someone, it's best to pick a person with mutual interests like being recorded when asked about black people.

— "I don't understand black people. You give them a little bit of money, they don't know what to do with it." — "[Black people] just act crazy … they're like, 'Yo, I wanna put extra rims on top of my rims. And my rims are gonna turn around. I'm gonna call them spinners.'" The footage was shot back in 2011 as part of a reality show pilot about gold diggers — V. Stiviano was one of the girls selected to appear … and in the clip, she rambles on and on about finding a mega-rich guy to settle down with.

Stiviano's lawyer's brain couldn't process seeing this on TMZ, so it broke and issued a statement saying that Stiviano was attacked on the street in NYC by a bunch of dudes yelling racial slurs (Stiviano is half black/half mexican)  even though the police never received a call and no report was ever filed. I heard he told TMZ while waving his hands over a top hat before throwing down a dice bomb on the ground and running away. But he didn't really need to, because I guess all this comes down to is if whatever innner monlogueyou've seared into your brain about this whole thing will either make you see this as a person screaming racist sterotypes, or a person shouting at the people who reinforce those racist stereotypes that make half of her look bad. Either or works. But she could have easily said that the Catholic Church mandates pedophilia to distract everyone from the fact that Mexicans are basically their Clone Army who will eventually competitive breed us into assimiliation. Would that have been any worse that what she says here? Maybe, who knows. The point is, can you really be racist against yourself? I don't…wait, hold on…getting confirmation…yes, getting confirmation now that Hitler has answered yes.

  V. Stiviano, Donald Sterling's girlfriend who secretly recorded him at his John Wilkes Booth Appreciation Party, actually agreed to be recorded  back in 2011 for a reality show pilot…

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“My Queen Kim: Perfect Bitch” Was The Painting Kanye Gave Kim As A Wedding PresentBy toddJune 02, 2014
“My Queen Kim: Perfect Bitch” Was The Painting Kanye Gave Kim As A Wedding Present

 

It is exquisite in its ratchetness.

Just stopping short of getting Kim’s bum cast in a precious metal – on track I Won he says “I wanna dip that ass in gold” – the thoughtful rapper has instead commissioned a picture of his new wife in just a g-string and Louboutins, called “Perfect B*tch”. So understated and classy – just like their wedding. The painting, which Kanye wants to hang in their bedroom, was done by anonymous street artist Bambi and, according to the artist’s agent and manager Leonard Villa, the brief from the rapper was “something regal but typically Kim”. Hmm, not sure if it quite worked out like that. Leonard says: “This has been done on metal and just completed in time for the couple’s return. “It was a recent commission and Bambi has turned it around in three weeks. The request came through an agent and the fee is in five figures.

Kim's ass looks like somebody dropped an old pot of mashed potatos in some carmel Crunch 'n Munch, so I wouldn't go as far as to call to call this bitch perfect, but Kanye painted himself into this corner, so I guess he has to make the best of it. And if that means paying some dude to paint a g-string on some metal, then hey, whatever works. Kanye can teach us all about love if we just open our hearts and listen.

  It is exquisite in its ratchetness. Just stopping short of getting Kim’s bum cast in a precious metal – on track I Won he says “I wanna dip that…