Lindsay Is On Top Of The WorldBy toddApril 15, 2010

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In July 2007, Lindsay Lohan got drunk and carjacked a Denali and took the three passengers down PCH doing 100mph to chase down her assistant who just quit. When she caught up with the car, she started doing circles around the car in the middle of PCH. While the passengers pleaded with her to stop, Lindsay was quoting as saying, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” When police arrived at the scene, Lindsay nearly fell over taking the field sobriety test. The deposition for this incident was yesterday, but Lindsay Lohan claimed she was too busy to attend. Apparently going shopping then having to be carried out of Bar 210 is more fun than depositions. TMZ reports:

Just hours after Lindsay bailed on an important deposition — where she was supposed to answer accusations stemming from an alleged alcohol-fueled car chase in 2007 — LiLo was seen browsing in a Beverly Hills clothing boutique. Lindsay claimed she was too busy to attend the all-day deposition … and who’s to say shopping doesn’t count?

I’m not really sure what people were expecting. It’s Lindsay Lohan. She’s a fuck up. The only way to get her to a deposition is to leave a trail of cocaine and condoms and tell her “deposition” is a German word for ass to mouth.

In July 2007, Lindsay Lohan got drunk and carjacked a Denali and took the three passengers down PCH doing 100mph to chase down her assistant who just quit. When she…

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Kate Hudson Got Implants. Kinda.By toddApril 15, 2010

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Kate Hudson looked like a breast cancer survivor before, but according to sources, she now looks like she’s ready for a 7th grade dance.

“I have small breasts, obviously,” Kate Hudson proudly proclaimed at the 2002 Golden Globes. “It’s nice to be able to wear a plunging neckline and have it be elegant.” Looks like Hudson had a change of heart. An insider says in the new issue of Us Weekly that a plastic surgeon performed a small breast augmentation on the actress, 31, in late March. And the mom to son Ryder, 6, looked noticeably fuller on top while poolside in Miami on April 9. Explains another source, “Kate makes jokes about her boobs, but her chest has always been one of her biggest insecurities.”

Although she didn’t need any help with this, Kate Hudson looked like this two years ago. The banner picture was taken three days ago. My only question I have is what kind of bee her surgeon was, because I can’t really tell the difference. Maybe it’s because I’m uneducated. If you put anything less than a C in my mouth, I’m like a dog being taught governing dynamics. It may take me a while to grasp this radical new concept.

Kate Hudson looked like a breast cancer survivor before, but according to sources, she now looks like she’s ready for a 7th grade dance. “I have small breasts, obviously,” Kate…

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Emmanuelle Chriqui Is NakedBy toddApril 14, 2010

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Emmanuelle Chriqui is naked in the appropriately titled Allure’s Annual Naked Issue, and if I can be honest, “Annual” could mean 2007 or that time when the apes saw the monolith. I didn’t really check. So hopefully Emmanuelle Chriqui and her insane body, will help you through that. What? Why do say stuff lik…God! Why do you have to be such a big fag all the time?!

Emmanuelle Chriqui is naked in the appropriately titled Allure’s Annual Naked Issue, and if I can be honest, “Annual” could mean 2007 or that time when the apes saw the…

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Elin Is DoneBy toddApril 14, 2010
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It’s hard to imagine that your wife would beat you like a P.O.W. with one of your own clubs and want a divorce after you had sex with 20+ whores throughout your marriage then watching you going back to work like nothing ever happened, but Tiger Woods now must deal with this injustice and humiliation my friends. FOX Sports reports:

Just days after Woods completed his triumphant return to golf following his cheating scandal, U.S. news show Entertainment Tonight reports Nordegren, who failed to show at his Masters comeback, is close to filing for divorce. Correspondent Kevin Frazier, who has links to Woods, said: “For weeks now there have been rumors that Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren might reconcile and save their marriage. “It was believed by going to sex rehab that Tiger had done just enough to keep his family together. But sources have told me that the marriage is indeed over. “Evidence? Well, the fact that Elin was on a plane, in the air, headed to Arizona during the final round of the Masters. “Usually, with her husband in contention at his biggest tournament, she would be there waiting for him in case he won; instead she made a plan so that she would be in the air while Tiger was playing. “The couple hasn’t spoken for quite some time and it is believed that all they have to do is work out a few more details on their divorce and they can sign the divorce decree and both can move on with their lives.”

By all accounts, Elin was a loving and supportive wife, but Tiger couldn’t get over himself and his superficial insecurities to treasure that love. She always seemed to have Tiger’s back with whatever he was going through and was cheering the loudest for every one of his accomplishments. And that’s what pretty much every guy wants. And if she’s a Swedish model as well then that would be fantastic. And if she could have D’s that would be good, too. Oh, and if her vagina was lined with silk and honey, I’d appreciate it. And, not to be too needy, but if she help me avoid finance charges by offering some suggestions on debt consolidation, that would be cool. Learning how to make cheese grits should be on the list, too. Yeah, definitely. Cheese grits.

NOTE: Take a look at Elin in the banner pics, then look at Tiger’s parade of whores HERE. Then look at the banner pics again. Then look at the whore again. Elin. Whores. Tiger couldn’t find skanks that looked worse than his wife if he was volunteering at a soup kitchen.

It’s hard to imagine that your wife would beat you like a P.O.W. with one of your own clubs and want a divorce after you had sex with 20+ whores…

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Tila Tequila Is A Classy BitchBy toddApril 14, 2010

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Tila Tequila was on The Howard Stern Show this week, and even though she looks like an extra on Dark Crystal, she still lives under the delusion that she’s some unattainable piece of ass. The last time I saw an Asian chick with blonde hair and ridiculous contacts, I told her that, no, I don’t need acrylic on my toenails. And, yes, that sounds way gayer when I type it out, but whatever. Hopefully pic #5 will distract you and get you excited for MTV’s apparent new show, Gaza Strip Shore.

Tila Tequila was on The Howard Stern Show this week, and even though she looks like an extra on Dark Crystal, she still lives under the delusion that she’s some…

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Steven Seagal Really Loves His StaffBy toddApril 13, 2010

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According to court documents obtained by RadarOnline, Kayden Nguyen, a 23-year old model and former personal assistant to Steven Seagal, is suing the actor for $1 miiiiilllion claiming all kinds of things with the word “sex” in it.

The legal documents say Seagal “treated Ms. Nguyen as his sex toy.” Nguyen is suing for sexual harassment, illegal trafficking of females for sex, failure to prevent sexual harassment, retaliation, wrongful termination and false representation about employment. The document also claims that “Mr. Seagal has been keeping two young female Russian ‘Attendants’ on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”..Nguyen claims that she was required “to watch as “Sasha” (Russian attendant) and Mr. Seagal performed sex acts on each other.” Seagal was working as a Reserve Deputy Chief of the Sheriff’s Office in the community of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, something he documented in his A & E reality TV show Steven Seagal: Lawman. He used Craigslist to hire an executive/personal assistant who could also be on his reality show. Nguyen was hired in Los Angeles, but then flown to New Orleans to live in Seagal’s house for the show. On her first night of work, Seagal allegedly engaged in physical and sexual assault by “pushing his hands under her shirt and attemping to fondle her bare breast,” and “forcing her head against his bare chest.” Then she claims the next morning things got even worse. He allegedly “forcibly held her legs apart.” Then “forced his hand down her pants…” The document goes into graphic detail that isn’t suitable for all audiences. Then the suit alleges a third physical assault took place a few hours later, where “Seagal forcibly lifted Ms. Nguyen’s blouse, forced his head on her bare chest and attempted to suck her breasts and nipples. He stopped only when she ran.”

This chick’s last name is “Nguyen”, so let’s not get to carried away here. It was either have sex with Steven Seagal or harvest rice. Or pray that Godzilla comes in time to stop Mothra. His destruction devastating, his lust for blood insatiable.

According to court documents obtained by RadarOnline, Kayden Nguyen, a 23-year old model and former personal assistant to Steven Seagal, is suing the actor for $1 miiiiilllion claiming all kinds…
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