Hilary Duff was in LA yesterday to drop off her kid to her ex-husband Mike Comrie. Dude looks like he’s aged 20 years since the divorce, because his soul and genes have revolted after they found out they can’t get up in Hilary’s ass anymore. Oh, and the rape. Let’s not forget the rape. I assume Hilary Duff is smiling and carefree because her ass looks like this and she’s never raped anyone.
Oh, sweetie. No. Just no.
But someone came along who changed her mind – tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre, 39, who she started dating a few months after splitting from George Clooney last June and married in March. "When you're with the right person, everything changes," the pregnant 34-year-old told the June/July issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine, while showing off her blossoming baby bump on the cover. "Before we met, both Jared and I had told our parents we didn't think we'd ever get married or have kids," the model and former pro wrestler said. "My epiphany happened shortly after Jared and I started dating, and once we both knew, we didn't hesitate. I just knew I was ready and that there's no one else in the world I would want to do this with." In April, Us Weekly confirmed that the couple is expecting a baby girl.
In July of last year, George Clooney told Stacy Keibler over the phone to pack up her shit and move out after she decided to end things because, "She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that." Now, she's on the cover of a magazine telling everyone she's pregnant because she found "the right person". You know, the person that got her knocked up and married her less than a year after she split from Clooney. So when she says, "when you're with the right person, everything changes" she really means, "when I find a rich dude who is willing to impregnate me, I spread that shit quick, because I'm 34 and I really can't go back to wrestling" but feminism frowns on stuff like that.
"Hey girl, I will smolder them. I shall smolder them all."
Ryan Gosling's directorial debut, Lost River, dropped at Cannes this year. You can catch it on Netflix pretty soon under the title, Lost Every Single Award At Cannes.
Last year Only God Forgives, Nicholas Winding Refn's movie starring Ryan Gosling, was booed at Cannes. This year, Gosling, there with his directorial debut Lost River is not doing much better. Lost River stars Mad Men's Christina Hendricks, Agents of SHIELD's Iain De Caestecker, and Doctor Who's Matt Smith as the residents of a broken down city, and though the film drawing comparisons to Refn and David Lynch, it's not exactly receiving a swath of acclaim. Some of the initial tweets from critics were damning. Grantland's Wesley Morris unleashed this particular gut shot: "If a $200 haircut and $900 shades were given lots of money to defecate on Detroit, the result would be Ryan Gosling's directing debut." Variety's Scott Foundas said that it's "a first-rate folie de grandeur. Echoes of Argento, Korine, Lynch, Malick in a tedious allegory of Detroit as ghost town."…The Telegraph's Robbie Collin enumerated Gosling's influences. "The problem is, it’s like everything Ryan Gosling’s seen: David Lynch, Mario Bava, Nicolas Winding Refn, Terence Malick, Gaspar Noé and a splash of David Cronenberg for good measure," he wrote. "But these filmmakers’ ideas and imagery aren’t developed, they’re simply reproduced: think Wikipedia essay rather than love letter." Collin also called the movie "mouth-dryingly lousy."
Man, poor guy. This has to be tough (he reportedly skipped his own film's afterparty). I'm not sure how he'll recover from this. A good way to start would probably be to stare at himself in the mirror.
Katy Perry and Madonna did a photoshoot for V Magazine, and I really don't even know where to start. Oh, wait. Yes I do. 1.) they both have bangs 2.) Madonna is like 70 and they Photoshopped her arms 3.) Katy Perry is wearing something that covers her rack 4.) it's dumb, 5.) hasn't Madonna done this like a thousand times already? We get it. You're "sexual". Now go take your Actvia and knit a sweater, grandma. Tell Miranda Kerr to swap clothes with you on the way out.
About five minutes ago the Internet learned that Katy Perry was dating Diplo (an American DJ, not a type of yogurt), now they already split up because Diplo saw her boobs once and started picking out baby names.
Multiple sources tell In Touch the pair have split after a one-month courtship, and it's because the 35-year-old DJ decided to call things off. “Diplo broke up with her because she does not want to be in a serious relationship. She's doing OK and not too sad about it. They wanted different things," a friend of Katy's tells the mag. "She freaked out when he wanted to introduce her to his parents. She doesn’t want to get married again — at least not anytime soon. “She wants to date and he wanted something much more serious. It was too much, too soon."
Diplo. Dude. We've all been there, but a month? Bro. This chick just got out of a two-year relationship, and you wanted your parents to meet you two at Olive Garden for some breadsticks? C'mon now. She just wanted to show you her boobs and give it up once in a while, but you started making a remix of the Kay Jewelers jingle. Just so we're all clear, you willingly decided to stop seeing Katy Perry's boobs because Katy Perry didn't want your parents to see her face. Do your parents have to meet the chicks you jack off to while watching porn, too? What is your endgame here?
Halle Berry says her baby is sucking the life out of her [Dlisted]
Robert Pattinson doesn't want his picture taken anymore [Fishwrapper]
Kylie Minogue panty upskirt (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Amy Willerton does the Birth of Venus naked [Hollywood Tuna]
Minka Kelly in skin tight jeans [Popoholic]
I would get all of these pictures pregnant [Drunken Stepfather]
Kim Kardashian is complaining about the weather in France [Celebitchy]
Barbara Pavlin in this dress [Moe Jackson]
What if David Lynch didn't turn down Return Of The Jedi [Film Drunk]
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD [Celebslam]
You make it real hard to get out of bed [The Chive]
Luke Perry is topless [toofab]
pic source = Instagram
Man of Steel 2 or Superman vs. Batman now has an official title: Superman V. Batman: Dawn Of Justice. Or SvB: DoJ. I don't know, man. "Dawn Of Justice" kinda sounds like a KKK propoganda film. Is Bruce Wayne even awake at dawn? This makes no sense.
Stop me if you've heard this one: a guy wants to break up with the chick he proposed to because she succumbed to rachetry and she's traps him into staying by faking a positive pregnancy test. You probably haven't, because this rare and women usually never do thiHAHAHAHAHA MStars reports:
A recent cover issue of the seedy gossip magazine OK! blares the headline, "Miley's baby trap. The truth about whether a positive pregnancy test kept Liam from dumping her months ago." According to the popular tabloid, Hemsworth was "ready to break up" with the twerking songstress last spring until "a positive home pregnancy test changed everything." An alleged insider explains, "Miley thought she was expecting and wanted to announce it to the world, even before she went to a doctor to verify the results… Liam begged her not to go public yet. He was emotionally out of the romance for months by that point, though he was still sleeping with her." As OK! sums it up, "Essentially trapped Liam in the relationship, telling him that if he left her alone, she'd tell the world that he had abandoned her at such a delicate time."
Of course, there's another story today that says Miley Cyrus wanted to leave Liam Hemsworth in February, but I thought her PR's narrative at this point she wanted to leave because he was banging January Jones. So, uhhh, which is it? How would a man who bought an engagement ring not even a year ago, be dating Eiza Gonzalez right now? Fake baby. It was because of the fake baby.
Katy Perry doesn't realy do much without her rack hanging out, because when she does, you realize she's painfully average and has an eye so lazy it watches Low Winter Sun because it doesn't feel like reaching for the remote. So the schoolgirl outfit isn't really doing it here as she launches her new fragrance, KillerQueen. Cool name. Sounds like a Investigation Discovery show about gay serial killers.