Aaron Hernandez Basically Just Murders EveryoneBy toddMay 15, 2014
Aaron Hernandez Basically Just Murders Everyone

 

Already in prison for killing a dude in 2013, Aaron Hernandez was indicted today on two counts of first-degree murder for killing Daniel Abreu and Safiro Furtado in a drive by shooting outside a Boston nightclub in July 2012. Authorities have no surveillance footage, because Bill Belichick did not film it.

 In addition to the two counts of first-degree murder in Abreu and Furtado's deaths, Hernandez has also been charged with three counts of armed assault with intent to murder and one count of assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon, Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel Conley said at a Thursday news conference. The latter four counts reflect shots fired at three people inside the car that Abreu and Furtado were in, Conley said. One of the people in the car suffered a gunshot wound, he said. Conley said that Hernandez was driving an SUV that pulled up alongside Abreu and Furtado's car near the nightclub and that the former football star fired a .38-caliber revolver at them. Hernandez has also been charged with unlawfully carrying the gun he allegedly used in the attack, Conley said.

Listen, and understand. Aaron Hernandez is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. What?! Look! You have heard enough! I have answered your questions! Now, I have to see Tom Brady! You still don't get it, do you? He'll find her! That's what he does! That's ALL he does! You can't stop him! He'll wade through you, reach down her throat and pull her fuckin' heart out!

  Already in prison for killing a dude in 2013, Aaron Hernandez was indicted today on two counts of first-degree murder for killing Daniel Abreu and Safiro Furtado in a…

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Beyonce Is Uploading Pics Of Rihanna NowBy toddMay 14, 2014
Beyonce Is Uploading Pics Of Rihanna Now

 

After uploading happy pics with her and Solange this morning, Beyonce just posted a pic of her and Rihanna at the MET Ball. Annndddd Solange just deleted her most recent pic with Beyonce. Sorry, guys. I haven't had enough coffee to wade through all this subtext. But when CNN has breaking news today about an active shooter, just go ahead and assume it's Solange.

  After uploading happy pics with her and Solange this morning, Beyonce just posted a pic of her and Rihanna at the MET Ball. Annndddd Solange just deleted her most…

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Two Billionaires Kicked Each Others Asses Over Miranda KerrBy toddMay 14, 2014
Two Billionaires Kicked Each Others Asses Over Miranda Kerr

 

I can't believe I'm asking this, but WHY HASN'T THIS HAPPENED BEFORE? I mean, this seems like it should be a regular occurence. The world doesn't make sense.

Two Australian billionaires apparently started punching each other in broad daylight last week when one confronted the other about dating Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr after leaving his wife and children last year. According to reports, billionaire Australian media moguls David Gyngell and James Packer ended up rolling around on a Sydney sidewalk last Sunday when Gyngell confronted Packer on the street outside his home. Gyngell, a childhood friend who also served as Packer's best man in 2007, was apparently concerned with the way Packer had been treating his estranged wife since their split. "He fully accepts that he was the instigator of the incident," a spokesman for Gyngell told the Daily News. "Clearly, had he not turned up at Packer's premises in an angry mood then the confrontation would never have occurred." The men had to be separated by their respective bodyguards and both were fined $500 for "offensive behavior." Packer walked away with a black eye but declined to press charges against his childhood friend.

Apparently one billionaire was mad at the other billionaire for dumping his wife and kids to go bang Miranda Kerr, and that's noble. But ask yourself, what's the point of being a billlionaire if you can't dump your wife and kids to go bang Miranda Kerr? Seriously, let's not make this a thing. It's pretty much the only reason men become billionaires. #STAYWOKE

  I can't believe I'm asking this, but WHY HASN'T THIS HAPPENED BEFORE? I mean, this seems like it should be a regular occurence. The world doesn't make sense. Two…

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Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted RobberyBy toddMay 14, 2014
Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted Robbery

 

BREAKING: Justin Bieber is still a huge douche.

Justin Bieber allegedly committed an attempted robbery … so claims a San Fernando Valley woman, and TMZ has learned the LAPD is now investigating. The woman tells TMZ … Monday night she was at the Sherman Oaks Castle Park — a complex with miniature golf and a batting cage — when she spotted Justin and his entourage playing a little mini golf and then hitting balls. The woman says Justin and his crew got into an altercation with some guys at the batting cage when J.B. noticed she was going for her cellphone to take pictures. She says Justin demanded to see her phone so he could erase any photos. She says she refused to fork over the phone so he then went into her purse and grabbed it. The woman says she began wrestling with Bieber, trying to get her phone back. She says he ripped it out of her hands but couldn't accomplish his mission because the phone was locked. We reached out to Bieber's camp before posting this story … so far, no word back. She says Justin gave her the phone back and demanded that she unlock it to see if she took photos. She obliged and showed Justin she had taken none. She says she told Justin she and her 13-year-old daughter just wanted to say hi, and Justin screamed, "You're humiliating yourself in front of your daughter. Why don't you just get out of here." Her daughter started crying. She says at that point Justin turned and started screaming at someone else.

As life has a habit of doing, one day Justin Bieber is going to pull this shit on the wrong person, and the only thing the LAPD will be investigating is if the tattoos on the torso at the top of Runyon match Bieber's, because the dental records on the burnt severed head were a definite match. People like to explain away his behavior by saying, "Oh, he's just 20, he's a kid". That might be true, but Joan of Arc was 14 and we had no problem there. I'm not saying we should burn Bieber alive, but I'm not not saying that either.

  BREAKING: Justin Bieber is still a huge douche. Justin Bieber allegedly committed an attempted robbery … so claims a San Fernando Valley woman, and TMZ has learned the LAPD…

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Julianne Hough Is A Waste Of A Digital CameraBy toddJuly 19, 2013

* FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE *

 

ATTENTION ALL PAPARAZZI IN WEST HOLLYWOOD AND SURROUNDING AREAS:

 

 

If you're going to take pictures of Julianne Hough in yoga pants, be sure to walk behind her, not in front of her. Seriously. Behind her. Trust me on this.

 

Regards,

Todd

* FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE *   ATTENTION ALL PAPARAZZI IN WEST HOLLYWOOD AND SURROUNDING AREAS:     If you're going to take pictures of Julianne Hough in yoga pants, be…

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Sorry I Forgot About You, Katherine WebbBy toddJuly 19, 2013

While her boyfriend AJ McCarron is trying to start a flame war with Johnny Manziel, because the NCAA can't keep Maziel poor like they do other athletes, Katherine Webb attended the ESPYS the other night and I completely forgot to post the pics. My apologies. But now that I have, if for some reason you have a penis and are attracted to women and wouldn't impregnate Katherine Webb just to say you did, go ahead and cut it off and give it up for adoption to a loving person who desperately wants one. Like Madonna or Drake.

While her boyfriend AJ McCarron is trying to start a flame war with Johnny Manziel, because the NCAA can't keep Maziel poor like they do other athletes, Katherine Webb attended…

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