Look, I know there's nothing sexier than a 33-year old chick who just gave birth to her third husband's baby posing for a picture in a bathroom while not wearing panties, but can we all agree that we've all never seen a picture so capture the essence of Kanye West not pretending anymore that he's not a sociopath? Nice vacant, blank stare, homey. Also, nice shirt, bruh. You get that at Vuitton Eagle? Anyway, everybody shoud go check out the janitor's Instagram. He has a picture of "YOU AIN’T GOT THE ANSWERS, SWAY!” written on the wall in Kim Kardashian's blood.
Is Orlando Bloom a very handsome man? Yes. Was Miranda Kerr convinced that, combined with her genes, Orlando Bloom would a produce an aesthetically pleasing child? Yes. Is Orlando Bloom a nice guy who genuinely seems to love his family? Yes. Does Orlando Bloom have all that Legolas money? Yes. But please keep in mind, Orlando Bloom is not a billionaire. And nothing makes a chick tsunami off her seat like the letter "B" in front of "illionaire". So naturally, Miranda Kerr has been secretly dating 46-year old Australian billionaire James Packer for months. And if you're wondering what you have to look like to pull Victoria's Secret ass if you have a billion dollars. THIS. You have to look like this. Vogue Australia reports:
After announcing her split from Orlando Bloom just a few months ago, Miranda Kerr (and April Vogue cover model) is said to be in a relationship with James Packer. Packer, in turn, had earlier announced his own divorce from Vogue's November cover model Erica Packer; interestingly, Erica Packer and Kerr also both hail from the same town of Gunnedah (look at that six degrees of separation right there). Neither Kerr nor Packer have denied the reports after being approached a week ago. It is said that the pair have been in a secret relationship for the past few months. Kerr and Packer have known each other for several years, often holidaying together with their respective families and Packer has been said to have provided business advice to Kerr on her beauty brand, Kora.
So to recap, Miranda Kerr was happily married to Orlando Bloom until her billionaire friend divorced his wife, then she was no longer hapilly married to Orlando Bloom. This has to be some sort of coincidence, and not a long-term and calculated plan by Miranda Kerr to dive in a swimming pool of money. Nope. This is definitely true love. Of money. True love of money.
Is Orlando Bloom a very handsome man? Yes. Was Miranda Kerr convinced that, combined with her genes, Orlando Bloom would a produce an aesthetically pleasing child? Yes. Is Orlando Bloom…
Hey, remember when this site used to have four Britney Spears' posts a day? Good times, my friends. Anyway, she's promoting her video for "Work Bitch" so she posted this pic of her in a bikini. Not gonna lie, she looks good. But are we sure she's a 31-year old white chick? I only ask because she didn't use a filter.
“Obama doesn’t have gills, so I’m tryin’ to get that worked in ya heard?”
Drake, a Canadian and rapper whose only street cred in being shot by a classmate at Degrassi High, wants to play Barack Obama in a movie. Because he “wants to do something for his culture”. Rich Canadians are crying out for a Obama movie? I don’t know. Also, he’s Canadian did I mention that? New York Post reports:
“I hope somebody makes a movie about Obama’s life soon because I could play him. That’s the goal,” the rapper told VH1 News at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this week…“I watch all the addresses,” he says. “Any time I see him on TV, I don’t change the channel. I definitely pay attention and listen to the inflections of his voice. If you ask anyone who knows me, I’m pretty good at impressions.”…”I’ve been reading scripts for awhile,” he said. “I want to do something great. I want to do something for my culture: The younger people who are still in tune with everything going on. I’m actually writing with my friends right now.”
I’m sure Drake is serious when he says he’s pretty good at impressions, because he does a pretty good job of impersonating a rapper because I assume it’s hard to rap about your Bar Mitzvah and growing up in Toronto’s wealthiest neighborhood with your mommy. Also, why are his eyes so far apart? His private pool didn’t have a lifeguard when he was a kid? Actually, Drake having Downs makes more and more sense when you think about it. Nice Britney eyes, jackass.
“Obama doesn’t have gills, so I’m tryin’ to get that worked in ya heard?” Drake, a Canadian and rapper whose only street cred in being shot by a classmate at…
Kaley Cuoco is on a show about nerds for nerds, so of course she went to Comic Con and posting this pic of her dressed like Wonder Woman on Twitter because she has to keep the nerd fantasy alive. Dressing up like Princess Leia or dressing up like a naked blonde chick would have also worked.
Kaley Cuoco is on a show about nerds for nerds, so of course she went to Comic Con and posting this pic of her dressed like Wonder Woman on Twitter…
Exciting news, everyone! Here’s Christina Hendricks on the set of her new movie, Struck By Lightning. According to internet reports I made up just now, it’s Powder meets Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs meets the What The Fuck Is Up With Her Feet? Feet Aren’t Supposed To Look Like That, Right? Can She Cut That Off? What Is That? Why Is She Fat?
Exciting news, everyone! Here’s Christina Hendricks on the set of her new movie, Struck By Lightning. According to internet reports I made up just now, it’s Powder meets Cloudy With…
Lady Gaga wrote something for V Magazine and if yWHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!
V MAGAZINE GAGA MEMORANDUM No. 2
Date: JULY 2011 Re: I DON’T SPEAK GERMAN BUT I CAN IF YOU LIKE From: M†SS.GAGA To: STEPHEN GAN
Art is a lie. And every day I kill to make it true. It is my destiny to exist halfway between reality and fantasy at all times. They call me “theatrical,” but I posit profusely that I am theatre, and that theatre is me. I am a show with no intermission. It is this thing that summons me from the depths of reality and reminds me that the power of transformation is endless. That I (we) possess something magical and transformative inside — a uniqueness and specialness waiting to be exiled from the depths of our identity. I have said before that I am a master of escapism, which many attribute to my wigs, performances, and my natural inclination to be grand, but perhaps that is also a lie. Maybe I am not escaping. Maybe I am just being. Being myself. The arrival at this revelation revises my previous escapist philosophies, as my entire being, thus far, as wholly artist and wholly human, has been propelled by the idea that I must effortlessly vacillate between two worlds: out of the real and into the surreal. Out of the ordinary, into the extraordinary.
She does realize she’s just some Italian chick with a big nose and Lupus who does rails for breakfast and dresses up in stupid costumes, right? And people still realize Madonna actually lived, right? I mean, she was an actual person. Just because you can rhyme “ga” with “ra” and passed by a Carl Jung book while looking for the latest High Times, doesn’t make you a philosopher. Just keep making music for people who don’t realize good music exists yet and shut the fuck up. You couldn’t sound more like a pretentious cunt if wrote a cookbook with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Lady Gaga wrote something for V Magazine and if yWHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?! V MAGAZINE GAGA MEMORANDUM No. 2 Date: JULY 2011 Re: I DON’T SPEAK GERMAN…
Last December at Betty Ford during Lindsay Lohan‘s sixth trip to rehab, Lindsay assaulted a staff member after she had the nerve to ask Lindsay why she was sneaking back in through a window and smelling of alcohol. Since Lindsay has been on probation for 20 years, the Palm Desert Police Department launched a complete investigation and wanted the DA to pursue. But just before Holland was to testify, Lindsay had Dina pawned some of the shit she stole and paid Holland $25K to keep quiet and refuse to cooperate with police. Now she wants $1M more. TMZ reports:
Lindsay Lohan dished out 8 to 10 seconds of pain when she attacked a Betty Ford employee last year … so says the alleged victim who’s filing a lawsuit against the actress — but her story appears to have one MAJOR inconsistency. Dawn Holland — who now goes by Dawn Bradley — is all set to file the legal docs today … in which she claims Lohan was combative and violent when she tried to give the actress a breathalyzer test at the rehab center back in December … after Lohan had allegedly snuck off the property to go boozing. In the lawsuit, Holland claims Lohan grabbed her right wrist and began “twisting and pulling it for 8-10 seconds.” But here’s the rub — back when Dawn filed her initial incident report with the BFC, she NEVER mentioned the wrist grab … even though the rest of her story syncs up perfectly. Holland — who was eventually fired from Betty Ford Center — claims she suffered “great mental, physical and nervous pain and suffering” from the alleged assault and battery. Dawn is demanding AT LEAST $1 million to make things right. We contacted Lindsay’s lawyer. So far … no comment.
Does Lindsay even have a million dollars? I can’t imagine Dawn Holland wants to walk down the street pushing a wheelbarrow full of quarters and a Vietnamese baby Lindsay took from a stroller.
Last December at Betty Ford during Lindsay Lohan‘s sixth trip to rehab, Lindsay assaulted a staff member after she had the nerve to ask Lindsay why she was sneaking back…
Six months ago, singer/actress (talented) Melissa Molinaro (banner pic) starred in commercials for Old Navy’s Super C-U-T-E campaign. And since she has black hair, brown eyes, and a tan, people said she kinda looked like amateur porn star/reality show whore (untalented) Kim Kardashian. Kardashian was completely fine with all this until last month. Last month when it was revealed that college cheat/average NFL running back (can’t take a hit) Reggie Bush was dating Melissa Molinaro after he dumped Kim Kardashian. Now Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for $20 million, because OMG, FUCK THAT BITCH! OH, NO SHE DIDN’T! KOURTNEY HOLD MY EARRINGS! TMZ reports:
There is only ONE Kim Kardashian — and now she’s declaring a legal war on Old Navy for using a Kim K look-alike in a recent ad campaign … TMZ has learned. Kim is filing a lawsuit against the clothing giant — claiming they intentionally used a look-alike in an effort to dupe the public into thinking Kim was affiliated with Old Navy. We’re told Kim is especially furious that Old Navy has been tweeting to her page about the look-alike — in an effort to gain even more publicity. One of those tweets read, “@CBSNEWS reports that Old Navy’s Super CUTE star looks like @kimkardashian. #LOL. What do you think?” We’re told Kim believes the copycat campaign has damaged her wallet somewhere in the range of $15 to $20 million.
Oh, please. If Old Navy wanted Kim Kardashian they would have hired Kim Kardashian. Because the Kardashians are whores who will put their name on anything. They don’t need to hire a fake Kim Kardashian because the real Kim Kardashian will blow everyone in the room if it means she’ll be on television for five minutes. If it’s longer than five minutes, she’ll call in Kendall to lick your balls. She only licks because Kris is saving “unlimited sodomy” for a special contract.
Six months ago, singer/actress (talented) Melissa Molinaro (banner pic) starred in commercials for Old Navy’s Super C-U-T-E campaign. And since she has black hair, brown eyes, and a tan, people…