We should really check Julianne Hough's birth certificate now, because what kind of American goes to the gym everyday? Is there a Sonic inside? I don't get it. Not that it matters because whenever she leaves the gym now she's surrounded by paparazzi who have been given a single mandate: DAT ASS. I bet if you licked it you'd be able to tell the future or pick up Thor's hammer.
If you heard that loud noise yesterday, don't panic. It was just the sound of millions of vaginas screaming out then falling silent because Wentworth Miller announced he was gay. And in fabuous gay fashion, he came out in the most dramatic way possible by saying "GURL BYE" to the St. Petersburg International Film Festival because they hate gays in Russia more than Fox News hates poor people. GLAAD has the letter:
August 21, 2013
Re: St. Petersburg International Film Festival / "Guest of Honor" Invitation
Dear Ms. Averbakh:
Thank you for your kind invitation. As someone who has enjoyed visiting Russia in the past and can also claim a degree of Russian ancestry, it would make me happy to say yes.
However, as a gay man, I must decline.
I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly.
Perhaps, when and if circumstances improve, I'll be free to make a different choice.
I mean, we kinda already knew this, right? We've all seen the dude. He's prettier than my last girlfriend. And she was pretty hot. Hopefully by the time my penis is too tired to care if I see a hot chick or not people coming out as gay won't be such a big deal so we can leave the ridicule for people who come out as vegan or post shit about CrossFit. Anyway, I really have nothing to say about this dude except that his creepy ass script for Stoker convinced Park Chan-wook to do his first English language film, so I wish him nothing but happiness in his gayness. According to my mom, "You know his boyfriend is happy. Damn."
Hey, Here's Anna Kendrick's Boobs [Fishwrapper]
Chloe Sims Wet See Through Top (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Hey, Isn’t That The Hotel Owner Lindsay Lohan Blows To Get Into Parties? Why, Yes, It Is [The Superficial]
Anne Hathaway Goes On A Bootylicious Hike [Popoholic]
Rosie Jones In Super Sexy Daisy Dukes [Hollywood Tuna]
The Classiest Wedding You've Ever Seen [Dlisted]
Jennifer Aniston in her bikini (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Charlie Hunnam is now the latest to play Christian Grey [Lainey Gossip]
Brad Pitt was almost a Scientologist, he ‘was targeted for his influence’ [Celebitchy]
Gisele Bundchen Hits The Gym [Moe Jackson]
Squirrels has a creepy poster [Film Drunk]
Lindsay Lohan is actually acting professionally . . . for now [Celebslam]
Hayden Panettiere Likes to Lick Things [COED Magazine]
Police are Looking Into Lisa Robin Kelly’s Death [The Blemish]
Brandy Sings For 40 People In 90,000 Person Stadium [Evil Beet Gossip]
Guardians of the Galaxy Trailer Will Not Be Released Online [Crave Online]
Lindsay Lohan launches LindsayLohan.com [Popbytes]
Get Revenge [MyEx]
"Have you seen Orange Is The New Black? Dumb question, probably not. But let's try that." – Bradley Manning's lawyers
Depending on who you ask, Bradley Manning is either an insidious traitor or a true patriot and hero who, at worst, proved honesty isn't always the best policy. But those people are talking about someone who doesn't exist, because his real name is Chelsea now. Yes, this just happned. He, wait, she said in an exclusive statement to Today:
Subject: The Next Stage of My Life
I want to thank everybody who has supported me over the last three years. Throughout this long ordeal, your letters of support and encouragement have helped keep me strong. I am forever indebted to those who wrote to me, made a donation to my defense fund, or came to watch a portion of the trial. I would especially like to thank Courage to Resist and the Bradley Manning Support Network for their tireless efforts in raising awareness for my case and providing for my legal representation. As I transition into this next phase of my life, I want everyone to know the real me. I am Chelsea Manning. I am a female. Given the way that I feel, and have felt since childhood, I want to begin hormone therapy as soon as possible. I hope that you will support me in this transition. I also request that, starting today, you refer to me by my new name and use the feminine pronoun (except in official mail to the confinement facility). I look forward to receiving letters from supporters and having the opportunity to write back.
Chelsea E. Manning
I mean, he just got sentenced to 35 years, so I guess he's being pragmatic by preemptively becoming a woman. It's hard to say if this is a ploy so he can get sent to a women's prison so he can run the salon, but if he truly is a woman like he says he is, why would he want all that competition from all those basic bitches? You know they be spreading lies about you, gurlfran.
Seen here looking like something a Saudi prince would win at a card game then give to his chauffeur, here's Farrah Abraham with her new, painful looking implants in Vegas for the Gentleman's Club Expo Kick Off Party. Whatever the hell that is. Quality choice. Because when I think "gentleman", I think single mom who does ATM on camera so she can get bigger appearance fees.
When Ted Cruz becomes Prime Minister of Canada after he explains why his dad was a Communist, I think his first official act should be to ban Avril Lavigne and Nickelback to a prison island where they can be hunted for sport. And Avril should get more of a headstart when the cyborg werewolves are released because she managed to get Danica McKellar to dress slutty and pretend to be a lesbian in Avril's video for "Rock and Roll". Even though she knows nothing about rock and roll, Avril does know how to get me to watch one of her videos. Please have leniency, PM Cruz.
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Don’t worry, it’s not child bearing. Kelly Brook is famous for two reasons, and she covered both of them up this week. She may want to reconsider. I don’t think the Meisner technique would work as well as a V-neck in her auditions for the sequels to such fine art as Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and Piranha.
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AnnaLynne McCord nipslip [Taxidriver Movie]
Justin Bieber is at the beach [The Superficial]
Candice Swanepoel in bikinis [Popoholic]
Jay-Z may have named his baby after his ex [Celebitchy]
Beyonce had a miscarriage before Blue [The Blemish]
Elle Richie is topless [Zoo Today]
Irina Shayk wins [Coed Magazine]
Rihanna is enthused [Cityrag]
Snooki wants to rape Lady Gaga [Dlisted]
Zooey Deschanel is too indie to smile [I’m Not Obsessed]
Lauren Stoner in a bikini [Moe Jackson]
Britney Spears is remixed [Popbytes]
Scarlett Johansson is selling something [Egotastic]
Beyonce pissed off breast feeders [Allie Is Wired]
Delicious [The Chive]
Jessica Simpson is ready to drop [Popcrush]
Blue Ivy is not in the Illuminati [Popcrush]
Charlize Theron has an amazing dress [A Socialite’s Life]
Kim Kardashian wants to sue her own boycott site [Amy Grindhouse]
RuPaul is not Ron Paul [Tabloid Prodigy]
Blue Ivy gift suggestions [Best Week Ever]
Judah Friedlander has my vote [Huffington Post]
Christina Milian is adjustable [Hollywood Tuna]
Katy Perry backs out of People’s Choice Awards [Celebuzz]
Selena Gomez is a cash cow [Celebslam]
Snoop Dogg is predictable [Evil Beet]
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Christian-when-convenient divorcee Katy Perry‘s parents, Keith and Mary Hudson, are capitalizing on their daughter’s split from Russell Brand to get people to donate to their collection plates. Per TMZ:
Perry’s mom, Mary, speaking for the first time about the split, told parishioners, “I’m sure Katy is trending on the internet just to get you to church tonight. I mean all over the world, who knows how God is bringing them in? The most important thing is you are here and God wants to put the fire in you in 2012.”
Oh, and her dad hates Jews, according to The Sun:
Keith Hudson told hundreds of worshippers: “You know how to make the Jew jealous? Have some money, honey. “You go to LA and they own all the Rolex and diamond places. Walk down a part of LA where we live and it is so rich it smells. You ever smell rich? They are all Jews, hallelujah. Amen.” His sick blast came in a sermon where he also spoke about pop singer Katy, 27. He said: “People say ‘How is it you have a daughter raised in the church and she sang ‘I kissed a girl and liked it’? I say ‘I don’t know’.” Keith and wife Mary, both 63, gave their first services at Church on the Rise in Westlake, Ohio, since Katy and Russell Brand, 36, announced their divorce. Later there was a collection for the Hudsons. Keith added: “We live by the Gospel, not off anyone else, even though you may say ‘You are the parents of Katy Perry, you must be rich.’ No, she is, I am not, hallelujah.”
I was going to count the contradictions in Keith Hudson’s sermons, but instead I counted how many times he mentions or shows his whipped cream-tittied daughter in this promo video. Not including the title (“Keith Hudson – Father of Katy Perry – LIVE at FaithWorld THIS WEEK!”), he and his wife mention or show Katy Perry once for each of the Bible’s deadly sins. I could care less about hate speech (because it’s a component of free speech), but his is just boring and unoriginal. At least Mel Gibson gave the world “sugartits.”
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Erin Heatherton must still be on the fence about anal, because Leonardo DiCaprio has pulled the classic “you want to meet my mother?” He’s so in there! New York Post reports:
Leonardo DiCaprio and Victoria’s Secret model Erin Heatherton can’t keep their hands off each other. “It is nonstop PDA,” a source said of their hot-and-heavy relationship. DiCaprio introduced Heatherton to his mother, Irmelin, over a well-behaved New Year’s Day brunch at the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles. “The meeting went well, and Mom and Erin were seen laughing,” our source said. Leo is very close to his mom, whose approval is key to his relationships.
The last time we saw Erin Heatherton, she was spending $1,700 in lingerie just so she could get on Leo’s plane, now she’s probably masturbating to Titanic right after she called all her friends and told them to save the date because her and Leo are getting married soon and omg we’re going to Maldives guys and then we’ll have two kids one boy and one girl and I’ll dress them up and we’ll have two dogs and a cat or two cats and a dog but I don’t know because Leo loves polar bears so we may get one of those or a bird and what color should the nursery be blue I’m thinking blue no pink oh and my last name will be DiCaprio and I’ll be a great mother and great wife because Leo introduced me to his mother and I can totally tell she loves me oh god I think my ovaries just dropped leo leo leo married leo leo leo pregnant leo. “Hey, when does this chick turn 25 again? Three years? Let’s save that date instead.” – Leonardo DiCaprio
To understand the true mentality of us men, start at 7:07: