Yanet Garcia Has Been Documented In NYCBy toddJuly 27, 2015

Donald Trump is leading all Republican nominees, because his message of hating Mexicans resonates with millions of Republicans. But most of those people can’t afford Internet and meth at the same time, so they’ve probably never seen Yanet Garcia. So if you haven’t, this is what her ass looks like in a dress. This is what it looks like not in a dress (brace yourselves). I’m pretty sure this is why El Chapo escaped. 

Donald Trump is leading all Republican nominees, because his message of hating Mexicans resonates with millions of Republicans. But most of those people can’t afford Internet and meth at the…

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Linka KellyBy jessJanuary 16, 2012

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Some dude’s wife had a nip slip at the Golden Globes [Taxidriver Movie]
Mena Suvari is single [The Superficial]
Gemma Arterton is attractive [Shock Til You Drop]
Miranda Kerr looks uncomfortable [Popoholic]
My husband Gerard Butler won everything [Celebitchy]
Ben Kingsley‘s wife probably thought he was dying a lot sooner [The Blemish]
Sarah Tooke is Todd’s type [Zoo Today]
Heather Locklear before she was damaged goods [Coed Magazine]
I WANT [Cityrag]
Elton John and Madonna summed up perfectly [Dlisted]
Kate Moss is old [I’m Not Obsessed]
SO MANY DRESSES. [Moe Jackson]
At first glance I seriously thought this was the witch from Drag Me to Hell. [Popbytes]
Irina Shayk boob [Egotastic]
Justin Bieber working with a negative image of himself [Allie Is Wired]
If you’re feeling festive today [The Chive]
Lana Del Rey is good at this and only this [Popcrush]
Kelly Clarkson sleeps with a Colt 45 [Popcrush]
Selena Gomez definitely just got laid [A Socialite’s Life]
Brad Pitt still has it [Amy Grindhouse]
Daniel Craig has a buttcrack and SKYFALL IS COMING YES YES YES [Tabloid Prodigy]
Maria Menuonos didn’t help Denver [Huffington Post]
Nicole Scherzinger is subtle [Hollywood Tuna]
Demi Moore is standing strategically [Celebuzz]
Rihanna was probably still high when she thought of this outfit [Celebslam]
Elisabetta Canalis is downgrading [Evil Beet]

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Some dude’s wife had a nip slip at the Golden Globes [Taxidriver Movie] Mena Suvari is single [The Superficial] Gemma Arterton is attractive [Shock Til You Drop] Miranda Kerr looks…

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Lindsay Lohan Snuck Into A Party To Get This Picture TakenBy toddJanuary 16, 2012

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Since the cocaine and the delusional disorder have long since taken over her brain, Lindsay Lohan truly believes she is still an A-list star and has every right to attend industry parties. By sneaking around back and commando crawling through the kitchen apparently. NYDN reports:

LINDSAY LOHAN don’t need no stinkin’ Golden Globe nomination to get her picture taken. On Wednesday the Weinstein Company hosted a pre-Globes party at the Chateau Marmont in L.A., and an insider says Lohan snuck in via the hotel’s back entrance. She then “made her way to the entrance for photo ops,” where the Weinstein firm’s Globe nominees, Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo from “The Artist” and Kenneth Branagh and Michelle Williams from “My Week With Marilyn,” were being snapped. Bradley Cooper also showed.

I’ve been writing about Lindsay Lohan for a quarter of her life now, and she makes it difficult for me to come up with different ways to say WTF DAMN CRACKHEAD BITCH. Mostly because there’s seemingly no bottom to her depravity and psychosis. She should be a Batman villain at this point.

Since the cocaine and the delusional disorder have long since taken over her brain, Lindsay Lohan truly believes she is still an A-list star and has every right to attend…

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The 69th Golden Globes Were Last NightBy toddJanuary 16, 2012

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Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The “you’re getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home” look.

The Oscars’ half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you’d imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I’m pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here’s who won:

Best Motion Picture – Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director – Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:

George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I’m Dating George Clooney Don’t Know If You Heard:

Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:

Gerard Butler and oh look Jess’ ovaries just dropped and she’s knitting something now:

Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:

Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I’m sleepy :

Salma Hayek and Siri what’s Spanish for “motorboat”?:

Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that’s right tits:

Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The “you’re getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home” look. The Oscars’…

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Charlize Theron Wears Cutlets And Didn’t Have Teeth Until She Was 8By toddJanuary 14, 2012
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In an interview with W Magazine, Charlize Theron that she wears a padded a bra and that her two front teeth rotted out when she was a kid. Anybody masturbating yet?

Like the “cutlets.” Mavis wears flesh-­colored glue-on gel-filled “breasts” over her real ones.
I wear those! If you don’t have boobs, you wear those cutlets. I heard a story of a girl who was on a date, started making out, and thought, Oh, he’s going to touch the cutlets! So she went to the bathroom to take them off, but her purse was too small to put them in there. I always thought that was a funny image, a woman not knowing what to do with these things that you stick onto your boobs. It’s just the most bizarre, unsexy thing there is—so I added that to Mavis.

Growing up in South Africa, were you always tall and blonde and beautiful?
For the first eight years of my life, I didn’t have front teeth. I was pretty sick as an infant, and antibiotics rotted them. But then I started to take dance classes, and I eventually got some teeth [laughs]. When I was 16, I went to Milan to model.

I hope this isn’t some big scheme and diabolical ploy to make me not want to have unprotected sex with her. Because I still would. Or protected sex. The letter I wrote to her didn’t really specify I guess. Haha, let’s see your lawyers get around that loophole, Charlize!

In an interview with W Magazine, Charlize Theron that she wears a padded a bra and that her two front teeth rotted out when she was a kid. Anybody masturbating…

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Lamar Odom Fell In Love With A Stripper(s)By toddJanuary 13, 2012

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“We bought a zoo! This thing came with it! Not sure what it is let me take a picture with it.”

Since his wife is a bastard and an abomination against nature who will eventually be tracked and killed in a windmill by villagers after a marginally successful stint at power forward in the NBA D-League, Lamar Odom went to a Washington, D.C. strip club and made it rain on several hos. Radar Online reports:

The 27-year-old reality star’s husband of more than two years, Dallas Mavericks star Lamar Odom, had a wild night with strippers at a notorious Washington D.C. strip club on January 8, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. Multiple eyewitnesses have told RadarOnline.com that Odom dropped hundreds of dollars on dancers and at one point was sprawled out in a dimly lit corner of Stadium Club strip club, a venue that bills itself as a “five star dining and premier gentleman’s club experience.”…”Strippers were grinding on him,” the onlooker said in an exclusive interview. He attended the seedy club with Mavericks’ teammates Shawn Marion and Delonte West in the hours before the 2011 NBA champions were honored by President Barack Obama in a ceremony at the White House on January 9….“That’s where the VIPs go when they don’t want to be seen publicly with a stripper,” the source at the venue said. “Lamar disappeared into the back of the venue where the private rooms are. He was there for quite awhile, but eventually came back to hang with the strippers in the main area again. The stripper that gave him most of his lap dances was a complete Khloe look-a-like.”

Also, as a rule of thumb, if you go to a strip club, make sure your wife doesn’t have 82 billion Twitter followers:

Several strip-clubbers posted Tweets about Odom’s visit, too.

@IamBentleyEvans wrote, “Oh oh Lamar Odom gon (sic) be at Stadium. Khloe can sleep well tonight. The girls r too pretty and not muscular enough for him.”

@Dai_laSoul wrote, “Lamar Odom at stadium n dc ACTING BAD @KhloeKardashian.

Wait, all I got from this is “five star dining and premier gentleman’s club experience”. Anybody know if they’re on Yelp?

“We bought a zoo! This thing came with it! Not sure what it is let me take a picture with it.” Since his wife is a bastard and an abomination…

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Jennifer Lopez Hates AmericaBy jessJanuary 13, 2012

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Jennifer Lopez is more famous for pimping Italian cars than for having any discernible talent. And, uh, for supporting Iran. The Huffington Post reports:

Jennifer Lopez probably wishes she’d never accepted that ride from Fiat. First, the singer came under fire for filming a New York-centric ad for the automaker on the other side of the country. And now, two months later, a non-profit advocacy group is urging her to end her endorsement of the Italian car company — or stand accused of supporting Iran’s illegal nuclear missile program. In an open letter released Thursday, the United Against Nuclear Iran (UANI) group told Lopez, “By endorsing Fiat, you are serving as a spokesperson for a company that freely does business with a regime that is developing an illegal nuclear weapons program, financing and sponsoring terrorist groups including al-Qaeda, has killed American and NATO soliders and is recognized as one of the world’s leading human rights violators.” A Fiat subsidiary called Iveco sells and distributes trucks in Iran, a portion of which have reportedly been used as a means to relocate missiles and to “stage gruesome public executions.” In the letter, UANI gives Lopez until Jan. 18 to reply with a decision as to whether or not she will continue her relationship with the company. “This campaign will continue, and we have plans to continue highlighting [Lopez’s] involvement with Fiat if necessary,” UANI’s Nathan Carleton tells HuffPost Celebrity. UANI sent a similar letter to Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne, pleading for the company to cut ties with Iran. The letter points out that auto manufacturers including Kia and Toyota have already done so.

Jennifer Lopez doesn’t mind manipulating her own kids and wears fox fur eyelashes because she can, so I doubt she gives a shit less about human rights. Especially considering she’s a judge on American Idol. If this keeps her busy enough to stop trying to sing and endorsing rednecks from doing the same, I’m all in. I’d rather watch a Middle Eastern flag-burning snuff film than listen to her and Steven Tyler verbally fellate Scotty McCreery.

Jennifer Lopez is more famous for pimping Italian cars than for having any discernible talent. And, uh, for supporting Iran. The Huffington Post reports: Jennifer Lopez probably wishes she’d never…

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Jennifer Lopez Makes Her Kids Call Her Boyfriend “Daddy”By toddJanuary 12, 2012

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This is how Lifetime movies get made. Bossip reports:

While staying with their famous father recently, Marc and Jennifer’s 3-year-old twins, Emme and Max, referred to J.Lo’s 24- year-old backup dancer beau, Casper Smart, as “Daddy Casper,” say sources. An enraged Marc immediately called Jennifer and blasted her, telling her that if she didn’t fix the situation pronto, he was going to let the kids call HIS new girlfriend, 24-year-old Venezuelan model Shannon De Lima, “Mommy Shannon”! “Marc couldn’t believe his ears when he heard Emme and Max utter the words ‘Daddy Casper’ during a recent visit,” revealed an insider. “He thinks Casper is nothing more than a young fling to make Jennifer feel better about herself after the divorce. “Marc mockingly told Jennifer that if Casper wants to be called ‘Daddy,’ he needs to start acting like it and pay some of their children’s expenses instead of just sponging off of her! “Jennifer freaked out and told Marc he was childish, but she promised to correct the situation.”

Poor Max and Emme. Because of their bitch mom, they have no idea who their father is. Is it the wigger one? Is it the dead one? They don’t know. Hopefully they’ll find a dragon scale in their bedroom then wish with all their heart so they can escape all this and fly with dragons in a land apart. Come along, take my hand. Let’s all go to Dragon Land.

This is how Lifetime movies get made. Bossip reports: While staying with their famous father recently, Marc and Jennifer’s 3-year-old twins, Emme and Max, referred to J.Lo’s 24- year-old backup…

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Katy Perry’s Dad Is SorryBy jessJanuary 12, 2012

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Remember when Katy Perry‘s dad talked shit about Jewish people? He meant it in a nice way. Via the Huffington Post:

A suburban Cleveland church where the father of pop star Katy Perry delivered a sermon that drew accusations of anti-Semitism has released an apology in which he says he regrets his “hurtful and ugly language.” Pastor Paul Endrei of the Church on the Rise in Westlake said Wednesday that Perry’s father, the Rev. Keith Hudson, meant to compliment Jewish people’s prosperity when he said having money is what it takes to make Jews jealous. Endrei says the visiting Hudson was blessing businesspeople during the Jan. 5 sermon and “just went too far.” “Even though this is wrong and it was not a right comment, he wasn’t preaching about Jews, neither was he ranting against Jews,” Endrei said, adding that he received only one complaint from among the roughly 300 people who heard the sermon. He said Hudson had referred to God telling Abraham, considered the father of Judaism, that he was to be blessed. “And then he started talked about being blessed so much that you would make a Jew jealous,” Endrei said. In the apology released this week, Hudson said he is not an anti-Semite. “I deeply regret the hurtful and ugly language I used in my message in Ohio,” the statement said. The Simon Wiesenthal Center, a Jewish human rights organization based in Los Angeles, earlier in the week denounced Hudson’s remarks as anti-Semitic. Endrei said the church would be open to welcoming Hudson back, not immediately but after some time has passed. In his apology, Hudson says that with the help of God, he won’t again make such comments. “We can do lots of harm even to those we love simply by using words irresponsibly. … I apologize for the hurt that I caused my Jewish friends,” he said.

Of course Keith Hudson was complimenting Jews by talking about their lust for money, diamonds, and designer watches. It’s just like when I flatter my black friends by talking about how much they love fried chicken and food stamps. And just like Keith Hudson, no one ever complains about it because I always make my statements in places they’ll never be. Like Klan meetings. Or at work.

Remember when Katy Perry‘s dad talked shit about Jewish people? He meant it in a nice way. Via the Huffington Post: A suburban Cleveland church where the father of pop…

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Ashley Greene Is My Choice For The People’s Choice AwardsBy toddJanuary 12, 2012

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I really wasn’t expecting leather and lace until our honeymoon, but Ashley Greene is just so full of surprises in our relationship (like the time she’s dating somebody else right now), that she wore it last night to the People’s Choice Awards. And by “people” they mean “13-year old girls”. But that doesn’t really matter because the whole point of this post is that Ashley gladly smiled for pictures and her nipples gladly smiled with her. If I can be totally honest here, I think I’m really close to being able to get her pregnant with my mind.

I really wasn’t expecting leather and lace until our honeymoon, but Ashley Greene is just so full of surprises in our relationship (like the time she’s dating somebody else right…

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