Amber Rose Has A Nice InstagramBy toddJanuary 19, 2015

The Internet lost it’s shit this weekend when Amber Rose posted these pics on Instagram, and although I appreciate her comic book proportions, my penis is really small and I’d lose precious inches trying to hit this from the back. Can we maybe go get ice cream instead, Amber? Maybe go for a walk and talk? Did you know that the rain on Venus contains high levels of sulfuric acid? Oh, I know, right? Pretty interesting stuff.

The Internet lost it’s shit this weekend when Amber Rose posted these pics on Instagram, and although I appreciate her comic book proportions, my penis is really small and I’d…

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Scarlett Johansson Is Esquire’s 2013 Sexiest Woman Alive AgainBy toddOctober 07, 2013
Scarlett Johansson Is Esquire’s 2013 Sexiest Woman Alive Again

 

Since it should be called Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Who Is Also Famous Or You Know From That One Thing, Scarlett Johannson has been named the sexiest woman alive for the second time, because Esquire doesn't have the resources to actually see every woman alive to make their decision. So, congrats to Scarlett. Also, she won Sexiest Man Voice for the first time this year since since I refused to be nominated. Six years in a row is enough.

 

See the video after the jump:

(more…)

  Since it should be called Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Who Is Also Famous Or You Know From That One Thing, Scarlett Johannson has been named the sexiest woman alive…

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Lindsay Thinks This Will WorkBy toddMay 18, 2010

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Today is Tuesday. In two days, Lindsay must appear in court in Los Angeles and complete 13 alcohol education classes or she will be arrested and thrown in jail. She has completed 10. Oh, now she’s saying she won’t be able to make it back in time because of the volcanic ash cloud. TMZ reports:

Lindsay is in Cannes to promote her upcoming Linda Lovelace biopic. She must appear in court Thursday for her probation progress report hearing — she’s required to show because she has only completed 10 of the 13 required alcohol ed classes (she snuck in a class last Friday). But sources say she can’t get a flight back to the States because of the volcanic ash from Iceland. Airports all over Europe are jam-packed and it’s impossible to get a seat. Here’s the thing — as we first reported, if Lindsay doesn’t show, the judge will issue a bench warrant for her arrest.

Jesus, can’t we just go ahead and decapitate this skank? She’s in France already, so just have her wave a piece of cake out the window. I realize it’s not as liberal and free thinking as the “Paris of the Middle East” as the saying goes, but something needs to be done. This idiot flew to France two days ago, but now she expects a judge to believe that she can’t leave because Europe is under quarantine because of clouds. Or dinosaurs. Or werewolves. Or a grandfatherly dragon who reads bedtime stories to poor Hispanic kids by a giant oak tree. That or whatever other hallucination you might have when you mix delusion and a confusingly high sense of self-worth in your vodka, you drunk bitch.

Today is Tuesday. In two days, Lindsay must appear in court in Los Angeles and complete 13 alcohol education classes or she will be arrested and thrown in jail. She…

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Pass The Disinfectant Wipes, PleaseBy toddMay 18, 2010

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I have a friend who works at the CDC, and maybe I should forward these pictures of Coco and Pamela Anderson in Las Vegas to her, because whatever was left behind in this booth can’t be good. You can never be too careful with these things. I don’t know the science behind it, but I’m sure Hep C, saline, and cocoa butter are the main ingredients in yellowcake uranium.

I have a friend who works at the CDC, and maybe I should forward these pictures of Coco and Pamela Anderson in Las Vegas to her, because whatever was left…

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Chris Klein Wasn’t High At AllBy toddMay 18, 2010


I’m not saying Chris Klein just finished an 8-ball before his audition for Mama Mia, but if I was miniaturized and injected into his brain, I am almost positive I would need a chairlift to ski back down.

I’m not saying Chris Klein just finished an 8-ball before his audition for Mama Mia, but if I was miniaturized and injected into his brain, I am almost positive I…

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