No ThanksBy toddFebruary 25, 2010

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Lady Gaga posed on the cover of Q Magazine with her hands over tits and a fake penis. OMG, see what she did there?! Like, she’s so edgy and deep!! No, not really. This ugly bitch shouldn’t be on the cover of Dog Fancy or Burn Victim Models Weekly, yet she wants to let everybody know that she a female. She humps everything close by in her videos and all her songs are about how every guy wants to fuck her, yet half the world thinks she’s a dude. I’m not sure if she picked up on that, but that might not be the best compliment.

Lady Gaga posed on the cover of Q Magazine with her hands over tits and a fake penis. OMG, see what she did there?! Like, she’s so edgy and deep!!…

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Nightmare On Elm Street Has A New TrailerBy toddFebruary 25, 2010

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The second trailer for the remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street starring the brilliantly creepy Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger hit online today, and if what you see is any indication of the actual movie, wish me luck. There’s a good chance my girlfriend will have her head in my lap for two hours. Thanks Freddy!

The second trailer for the remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street starring the brilliantly creepy Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger hit online today, and if what you see…

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DieBy toddFebruary 24, 2010

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I realize this has nothing to do with celebrities, but if you haven’t heard of Dr. Earl Bradley, I’ll gladly supply a chainsaw and a kill room if you’re interested.
Splash News
reports:

Popular pediatrician Dr. Earl Bradley has been charged with sexually molesting 103 children at an office he had decked out with a merry-go-round and a ferris wheel, in Delaware, US. Evidence seized from the community medic’s practice and home has led state officials to believe he has carried out sickening attacks on scores of small children since 1998. Bradley, 56, has been charged by a grand jury with the molestation of 103 children. He is held at Vaughn Correction Center on $3 million bond. The disturbing accusations stem from incidents which allegedly took place at his Lewes, Delaware, practice called BayBees Pediatrics. He is accused of videotaping sex acts while the children’s parents were waiting in another room.

I pretend to hate a lot of people on this site, but if I ever saw this guy walking down the street my serrated Kershaw would try to find out if his aorta in fact runs the entire length of his torso. I guess I should know that already, but what am I a doctor?

When they go crazy, you’re supposed to go crazy, too. If somebody messes with my six year-old, I’m cutting a motherfucker’s head off. Then taking it to a bar and talk to it. A scotch and soda for me and get my friend here a beer. – Paul Mooney

I realize this has nothing to do with celebrities, but if you haven’t heard of Dr. Earl Bradley, I’ll gladly supply a chainsaw and a kill room if you’re interested….
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Happy WednesdayBy toddFebruary 24, 2010
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I breastfed until I was four, so my obsession with British chicks with huge tits isn't really my fault. So forgive me for posting these 24 pics of Rhian Sugden, Lindsey Strutt, Peta Todd and Holly Peers. Or forgive my hippy parents. Why did you make me like this?! I never asked to be born!!

 

NOTE: I don't want to assume that the big red lips gave it away, but these are very NSFW. Unless you work at a mastectomy clinic or you're not from Earth and not familiar with our ways. Then hey man, by all means go for it.

I breastfed until I was four, so my obsession with British chicks with huge tits isn't really my fault. So forgive me for posting these 24 pics of Rhian Sugden,…

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Wilde LinksBy toddFebruary 23, 2010

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Johnny Depp wants Satanic murderers freed [Popeater]
Candice Swanepoel is ridiculously hot [Popoholic]
Gays can do this [Egotastic]
Somebody get some potpourri or something [TaxiDriver Movie]
Church Sign Guy makes valid points [College Humor]
John Mayer‘s 16 Most Douchiest Quotes [COED Magazine]
Gry Arnestad would get split like firewood [Celebslam]
Jennifer Lopez got dropped from her record label [Cele|bitchy]
Penelope Cruz is always naked [Cityrag]
Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini [Heyman Hustle]

Banner Pic: The future ex-Mrs. Todd. I need to get her pregnant and sell the baby so I can get my bills straight.

Johnny Depp wants Satanic murderers freed [Popeater] Candice Swanepoel is ridiculously hot [Popoholic] Gays can do this [Egotastic] Somebody get some potpourri or something [TaxiDriver Movie] Church Sign Guy makes…

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Scientology Isn’t BadBy toddFebruary 23, 2010

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Scientologist Erika Christensen was at some event yesterday that I didn’t bother to look up, because she stuffed her enormous rack into a black dress and made my penis question all he knew about God. Did an intergalatic C-130 really drop millions of people into a volcano and blow them up with an atomic bomb by order of Xenu? I think Jesus would be cool if I titty fucked her to get to the bottom of this.

Scientologist Erika Christensen was at some event yesterday that I didn’t bother to look up, because she stuffed her enormous rack into a black dress and made my penis question…

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Lady Gaga Is A WhoreBy toddFebruary 23, 2010

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Without her nose job, dyed blonde hair, and all the shit she wears to cover up her hideous face, Lady Gaga looks like an extra on Jersey Shore, but based on the power of gays and people who enjoy waving glow sticks to nursery rhyme lyrics, Lady Gaga has managed to trick the world and herself that she is a superstar. So with that undeserved God complex, I guess her own penis wasn’t enough for her. She wants one that belongs to a man that has a two-month old baby with his longtime girlfriend. Hollywoodscoop via Star reports:

Star magazine claims the pop singer stole her current boyfriend away from his previous relationship. According to the source, Matthew “Dada” Williams—who is an art director for Haus of Gaga—dumped his longtime girlfriend, ashion stylist Erin Hirsh. “Matt was crazy about Erin, but then Gaga manipulated to get him back,” said the source. And Williams even has a son with Hirsh. Insiders say he left Erin and baby Cairo when he was just two months old in order to join Gaga on tour. Erin then saw photographs of her boyfriend in London making out with Gaga in a tabloid. “Erin saw the pictures and realized what was going down,” the source revealed. “Even though Matt had told her in so many words that they were through, actually seeing Gaga getting it on with the father of her child was absolutely devastating to her.”

If you’re a man and you want to fuck Lady Gaga, your daddy didn’t play catch with you and you are now sexually confused and probably DVR Project Runway while you bake brownies in a Gossip Girls apron. I hope this clears up any confusion. This Erin chick probably got pregnant because she accidentally wiped with this dude’s Details magazine.

Oh yeah, baby! The only question now is who wouldn’t want to get up in this? I mean, I would, but my gag reflex is really low:

Without her nose job, dyed blonde hair, and all the shit she wears to cover up her hideous face, Lady Gaga looks like an extra on Jersey Shore, but based…

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Lindsay Lohan Has Learned Valuable LessonsBy toddFebruary 22, 2010

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Despite the fact the Smithsonian could have it’s own wing dedicated to the photographic evidence that her vagina is like Ellis Island, despite the fact she’s been in rehab three times, despite the fact that she’s had two DUI’s, despite the fact she’s been charged with felony cocaine possession, despite the fact that she was rumored to be partying with Heath Ledger when he died, and despite the fact that she carjacked an SUV and chased her assistant’s mom down PCH doing a 100mph then drove literal circles around the panicked woman in the middle of the highway, Lindsay sat down for an interview with the The Sun to blame everyone else. Sure, why not?

“When my father was going public, that’s when I hit rock bottom. I abused substances too much and it wasn’t the answer to my problems. People need to know that. “I tried to mask my problems with alcohol, cocaine and mind-altering substances. Now I’m in a place where I don’t need to use anything and I can feel emotions because I choose to.” Lindsay sees a therapist fortnightly and attends weekly alcohol education lessons. She says the first time she sought help for her addiction was in 2007 after collapsing in her LA bathroom, waking surrounded by cascading water – and terrified. She says: “I went to rehab three times. The first time I checked myself in because I had taken Ambien. It’s a sleeping aid but it makes you hallucinate. “I’d run a bath and fallen asleep on the floor and the bath had overflowed. “When I woke up I was so scared, I called my therapist and said, ‘Can I just go somewhere for a month? “I’m around bad people and I need to take care of myself’. I was terrified, so I put myself in. “There was a point when I didn’t know how to say ‘No’ and I was trying to please everyone. “I was doing pop and making films. I was young and thought I could go out, have fun, then go on set and record. I ran myself down and I lost track of who I was.” Talking of the first time she was caught with cocaine, following a car smash in May 2007, she confesses: “It was in a purse and I was with friends. I wasn’t trying to lie to police. “I was only aware of cocaine because of my dad. I was terrified of it. But I tried it because I was stubborn, stupid, and wanted to see what it was like. “It’s not something I ever want to do again. It made me feel like s***. It became uninteresting to me. I’m hyper anyway and I have that kind of personality so I don’t need something like that.”

Whatever, bitch. I read this a few times and I didn’t see the part where people held a gun to your head, so if you could just shut the fuck up that would be great. If you want to work again so bad, why not try suicide. Maybe you can get a role on Ghost Whisperer. If you don’t, it would work out pretty well for me because that would mean I’d never have to write about your stupid ass again. Thanks, Lindsay!

Despite the fact the Smithsonian could have it’s own wing dedicated to the photographic evidence that her vagina is like Ellis Island, despite the fact she’s been in rehab three…

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Um, Sure OkayBy toddFebruary 22, 2010

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I checked my calendar and it’s not Halloween, but as it turns out, this is what a grown woman wears for her 31st birthday. Specifically, this is what Jennifer Love Hewitt wears for her 31st birthday. Man, this sure looks like a hot birthday party. I bet the lines to the bouncy house and pony with the bandanna around it’s neck were really long.

I checked my calendar and it’s not Halloween, but as it turns out, this is what a grown woman wears for her 31st birthday. Specifically, this is what Jennifer Love…

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Aye Aye EyebrowsBy toddFebruary 19, 2010

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Ali Lohan was in London this week with what appears to be eyebrows she removed from a 19th century Spanish painter. Her whore gauge is almost on full, so when she hits 18 expect to see her on something more Lohan style. Like a milk carton or on stage with a donkey for example.

Ali Lohan was in London this week with what appears to be eyebrows she removed from a 19th century Spanish painter. Her whore gauge is almost on full, so when…

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