In her seemingly never-ending quest to be found by the police a week after she dies miserable and alone by choking on a Hot Pocket while surrounded by pictures of John Mayer and Nick Lachey with the eyes cut out, Jessica Simpson has cut off all of her hair and posted the pics on Twitter. Or she has on a wig. I guess I could find out exactly what she did, but I’m going to the pool, so you can see how I don’t give a shit.
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I know you’re gonna find this hard to believe, because of her elegant beauty and grace, but nobody wants to fuck Lady Gaga.
US Magazine reports:
While recently discussing her role in Mac’s Viva Glam campaign, which supports global HIV and AIDS projects, she told London’s Daily Mail she wants her fans not to have sex, either. “I can’t believe I’m saying this – don’t have sex. I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody,” she said. “So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.” “It’s OK to be whomever it is that you want to be,” she said. “You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it. And if you are ready, there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you’re leaving!”
I don’t want to break up the party or the pretentious , but I really don’t need the fear of HIV/AIDS to keep me from having sex with Lady Gaga. I just need the banner picture. I’m not even halfway joking when I say I would rather have my dick captured by Al-Qaeda.
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Heidi Montag got ten plastic surgeries in one day, which I can only assume she did so she could unveil her kick ass body at Liquid in Vegas this weekend. The discernible eye will notice that I left out “face”, because it’s hard to imagine that the same doctor did everything from the neck down. Because everything from the neck down is almost perfect and everything from the neck up looks like Michael J. Fox was filling in. And he was wearing those big foam “We’re #1” hands. Basically what I’m saying is that she’s unattractive. Christ, do I have to spell everything out for you people?!
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According to Wikipedia, Lara Stone is a Dutch model who just got completely naked for the Spring/Summer issue of Love Magazine. Also according to Wikipedia, critoniopsis cotopaxensis is a species of flowering plant in the Asteraceae family. It is found only in Ecuador. Its natural habitat is subtropical or tropical moist montanes. It is threatened by habitat loss. Somehow, that’s not as interesting.
I’ve never wanted to punch a baby or jack off to a picture with a baby in it before, but I guess Mason Whateverthefuck should have thought about that before his aunt had the best body I have ever seen. I was going to save these pictures to my hard drive, but I really don’t feel like registering every time I leave the state.
Apparently it’s United Colors of
TitsBenetton Week on IDLYITW, because here’s Italian actress Benedetta Valanzano topless (NSFW) with a friend. Her rack looks to be all natural, so I’m a little scared. Tsunamis and lions are all natural, too. You don’t want to play with them do you?